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Mary Worth, 2/28/19

I suppose the meals in front of our Estelle and Date #3 are supposed be some kind of cruel commentary on their respective weights — willowy Estelle allows herself only a single slice of pizza, whereas the portly gent orders an entire pie — but I’d like to imagine that she’s actually eaten pretty much a whole pizza herself in silence while this dude was too busy weepingly telling her the detailed story of his wholly justified bigamy to even touch his food. Anyway, this reminds me of an internet date I went on where the lady spent the entire time talking about how she was in unrequited love with her best friend. She didn’t cry, but she came close! And the very next date I went on turned out to be with … the person I would eventually marry. So hold out, Estelle! You’re almost there!

Crankshaft, 2/28/19

I like the awkward pause we’re invited to linger on in the second panel here, as Crankshaft and Keesterman and the waitress all nervously contemplate Ralph’s seeming disregard for his own mortality. He’s smiling because it’s all a jape, of course, but for that moment he seems to be saying “Eh? Eh? Finally freeing myself of life in this depressing hell-dimension by doubling down on hedonistic pleasure? Eh?”

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Dustin, 2/27/19

“Ha ha, my husband and I haven’t been able to come up with sexual feelings for one another for years. We sure do fight about money, though!” I’m beginning to grudgingly accept that Dustin is in fact a neutral observer in the ongoing Boomer-Millennial wars, in the sense that it mostly exists to illustrate how both generations suck and that people in general are pretty terrible.

Mary Worth, 2/27/19

I am of course going to bring you detailed coverage of each and every one of Estelle’s hell-paramours for as long as she continues going on dates, or, as the narration box refers to it, has “experiences with online dating,” which sounds like a phrase cooked up by Silverdaters’ marketing team. Anyway, this guy’s a real asshole, but you have to admit that his fashion choices are on point. A purple vest over an olive shirt that has a turquoise-tipped collar, to match his turquoise bolo tie! [chef’s kiss]

Beetle Bailey, 2/27/19

A “fun” thing Beetle Bailey has been doing lately is a series of strips where Beetle is shown to be uninterested in Miss Buxley’s sexual advances. I’m not sure how much body language I can detect in that second panel, but it sure looks like Beetle is sitting there with his arms crossed sullenly. He may have created a makeshift privacy cover, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to neck like a common harlot.

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Mary Worth, 2/26/19

Oh my God this elderdating plot is going to involved a nonstop parade of wizened, horny old men who lied about their age on their dating profile slouching lustily at Estelle and I am extremely here for it. Very excited for this rugged, weathered gentleman to explain that the “old” was a typo and he meant to say that he’d been a widower ever since his wife died of natural causes 63 years ago.

Gil Thorp, 2/26/19

I’m not sure why Marty’s latest crusade to get Gil fired is so different from every other campaign he’s ever waged to get Gil fired that he feels obliged to personally and insincerely apologize to Mimi about it when he runs into her public. I do, however, absolutely love the image of him so gobsmacked that he just stands there, holding his mug of delicious, frosty beer at waist level. Maybe it’s a precursor to him dropping it to the floor in shock, which I’m imagining now happening in slow motion! Anyway, my favorite person in today’s strip is actually the eavesdropping dude in panel one who’s looking at the reader with an expression that says “I come here for the happy hour drinks and appetizers but I stay for the drama.”

Beetle Bailey, 2/26/19

Ha ha, computer nerd Chip Gizmo, who’s supposed to be installing Microsoft Office and making sure staff officers’ computers don’t have too much porn malware on them, thinks he’s a real soldier and is fighting the “enemy” — with computers! What an extremely silly scenario that definitely isn’t happening in real life!