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Slylock Fox, 2/25/19

Slylock gets called down to the trailer park to mediate disputes between Reeky and Rachel an awful lot, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time Reeky’s version of events has actually been vindicated by Slylock’s keen eye and ratiocination prowess! I guess Rachel just became convinced that law enforcement would always take her side against “those people” (rats) and so she could get her nemesis in trouble for something he didn’t do. Of course, Reeky is going to be dragged down to the station tonight anyway, for the self-confessed crime of littering.

Mark Trail, 2/25/19

Let this be a warning to you, creators! Your “fans” might share your social posts and back you on Patreon, but if you generate so much #content that it overwhelms their ability to consume it all within their lifetime, they’ll feel no compunction about teaming up with a one-eyed man you wronged to kill you with a flamethrower!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/25/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Snuffy and Loweezy live in an impoverished, isolated community and there definitely aren’t more chairs where that one came from! Hope you like standing, Loweezy!

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Judge Parker, 2/24/19

Oh, hey, Judge Parker! Here’s what’s been going in Judge Parker: the police of the tropical island paradise where Marie was enjoying her honeymoon with Roy were only suggesting that she had killed him in order to flush him out of hiding, because it turned out he had embezzled a bunch of money from his employer and faked his death and now was on an entirely different resort island several thousand miles away. Obviously Marie is very broken up about this, which is why it’s extremely kind of Sam to let her fly back to the States in business class with him, right before she has to go back to cleaning his underwear and cooking him dinners that he’ll briefly acknowledge with a grunt before eating in stony silence.

Family Circus, 2/24/19

Oh, isn’t that cute! This hill is haunted by the ghosts of all the other children who died sledding down its steep, dangerous slopes! Look at Big Daddy Keane’s little smile: he knows.

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Spider-Man, 2/23/19

It’s been a week since MJ threw a blanket over Killgrave, and in that time here’s what happened: Spidey and Luke Cage have stumbled around, partially incapacitated from the aftereffects of Killgrave’s mind-control powers, and Killgrave has run around in a deranged panic, because the blanket is reflecting his own powers back at him somehow. And honestly? It’s been great. If this strip just wanted to be “comical Three Stooges-style slapstick where the main characters have superpowers but mostly just gibber and stumble and almost but not quite fall off of things,” that would honestly feel like it was just leaning into its true destiny.

Mary Worth, 2/23/19

You know what’s a good way to tell what someone’s real age is? If right before they tell you what it is, they say, unprompted, “This age that I’m about to tell you about? It’s my real age!” Remember, the thing all honest people have in common is they loudly talk about how honest they are, constantly.