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Beetle Bailey, 6/24/25

One of my favorite bits of actual Beetle Bailey character evolution over the past few years is Zero going from being a friendly but very stupid farm boy to being a friendly but very stupid farm boy who is also a highly skilled killing machine. Anyway, I obviously really enjoy this strip, in which Zero grins dumbly at the collection of shells he’s amassed. He seems unaware that each of those shells, the byproduct of his expert marksmanship, is the harbinger of one or more awful deaths, but Beetle and Killer know, and are profoundly unsettled.

Herb and Jamaal, 6/24/25

Herb, why are you looking so smug? One of your regulars is complaining that you’re using substandard meat in your tacos! Or maybe using chicken when you advertised beef! The “foul”/”fowl” joke only works in writing, so I’m not really sure whether it’s coming across here! At any rate, you’ve got an unhappy customer and I’m not sure what you think is so darn funny about it!

Mary Worth, 6/24/25

“Her brother seems to be taking care of her … at least that’s the impression I got in the approximately 45 seconds it took for him to lure her out of my apartment. Do you think I should, like, send an email to see how that whole thing is going?”

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/23/25

Now, look, you know that Spark Plug is a horse and I know that Spark Plug is a horse, but if you didn’t know that Spark Plug is a horse, nothing about this strip would tell you that, right? Like, call me out of touch, but I’m reasonably sure that “brown-eyed baby” isn’t universally known code for a horse. Lots of human babies have brown eyes! Imagine if you were someone who didn’t know the Barney Google and Snuffy Smith lore, and for some reason today was the first time you decided to read this strip. You’d be baffled! “It sounds like this Barney Google fella does have a baby,” you’d say, “and it has brown eyes and a funny name! Why would he give his baby to these people to babysit, one of whom didn’t even remember the baby existed at all?”

Gil Thorp, 6/23/25

Sorry to trouble you, Gil, but we can’t have someone obsessed with late 19th/early 20th century spiritualism chaperone the prom. Can you imagine? Why, by the end of the evening he’ll be leading them in seances and such, when they should by rights be out in their cars, fingerbanging each other and/or being fingerbanged!

The Phantom, 6/23/25

Speaking of narration from the dead, I’m always a fan of when The Phantom reminds us that everything we see in the strip is a story dreamed up by writer Lee Falk (1911-1999). Sorry, General Chuma! You have been summoned into existence merely to be tormented for our amusement by a pencil-mustached, pipe-smoking sadist.

Garfield, 6/23/25

Remember Garfield, the cartoon cat who famously hates Mondays? You’ve heard him telling jokes about hating Mondays before, of course. But what if he typed those jokes, into a computer? That’d be pretty wild, huh?

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/22/25

“Would it help to know that after your relationship ended in failure, she still thought about you all the time, obsessively, even though she never tried to communicate with you, or tell you about your son? Think carefully about the answer to that one, New Dad, it’ll probably tell me a lot about your whole deal!”

Crankshaft, 6/22/25

Ha ha, it’s funny because Crankshaft is in constant pain and has a hard time thinking about anything else! Now, usually when I do the “Ha ha, it’s funny because” bit, I’m doing it specifically about something that’s not funny, but this one is funny to me, actually. Crankshaft’s not a great guy! I wish him ill!

Pluggers, 6/22/25

Ideas? Thinking? Originality? Not on a plugger’s watch.