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Dennis the Menace, 9/8/21

We all know, of course, that every time the Henry and Alice Mitchell attempt to make friends, their very first social engagement ends in disaster when Dennis says the darndest/most insulting thing in front of them. Mr. and Mrs. Wilson, on the other hand, don’t have any friends, which I’ve always assumed is the reason why they allow Dennis to come over to their house all the time, because the irritation he causes Mr. Wilson is a welcome distraction from the irritation they cause one another. Anyway, George has apparently browbeat some acquaintance, maybe just some guy he played chess with in the park once, into coming over to his house, and Martha has been nice enough to prepare some coffee, but here comes Dennis to ruin everything, just like he does with his parents. I’m beginning to suspect that he acts out just so that he can be center of attention at all times and nobody makes non-menacing acquaintances????

Beetle Bailey, 9/8/12

Sadly, it’s not a violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice for a general officer to attempt to “build buzz” to create a cult of personality around himself and/or “go viral.” A real oversight, in my opinion!

Dick Tracy, 9/8/12

“Stealing the Time Drone won’t be easy. Dick Tracy’s a close friend of Diet Smith. He always shows up when Smith’s tech is threatened. Plus the Time Drone itself provides its owner with near-omniscience, allowing anyone to see plots unfolding in the past! Diet and Dick are probably watching us right now, from the future!” SORRY I KEEP HARPING ON THIS EVERYBODY BUT IT’S TRUE, I WILL NOT BE SILENCED ON THIS POINT!!!! [flips the bird at Diet Smith, who I assume is watching me type this in the future]

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Mary Worth, 8/17/21

Ha ha, remember that time Wilbur got drunk and obnoxious on a double date with his Estelle and his ex and his ex’s new hot young boyfriend, and she dumped him but he and Mary bullied her into taking him back? Well, you’d think he’d have taken the romantic lesson that he’s on thin ice and should probably stop being an asshole, but I guess instead the lesson he learned was “I can be an asshole and Estelle doesn’t have other options and will still never leave me,” because here he is, angrily yelling at her cat for stealing his spotlight on Piano Date Night.

Beetle Bailey, 8/17/21

I genuinely love that Beetle Bailey, despite being in no actual physical danger, has gone “method” during this war game and decided that, if he were captured by an enemy unit, he would absolutely not do the thing where he only tells them his name, rank, and serial number, but instead would lead them back to his command post. (This is assuming, of course, that what were seeing is the sort of military training exercise where participants are split into “blue” and “red” teams, and not an actual civil war.)

Crankshaft, 8/17/21

I’m not sure Crankshaft has actual fans, but for regular readers like myself, the final panel of today’s strip, in which Crankshaft is emotionally ground down by his failing body and intrusive thoughts about his rapidly approaching death, is definitely “fan service!”

Gil Thorp, 8/17/21

Oh no! Carter has been ambushed and dragged before a secret meeting of the Council of the Red Polo Shirts! He will be shamed as the Council ritually strips him of his own red polo shirt, right before he’s executed for golfcrime.

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Mary Worth, 8/16/21

Oh, snap! Did Drew get emotional closure on the whole getting-dumped-by-Ashlee situation? Nope! Did we ever really find out why Ashlee skipped town, exactly? Not really! But too bad, we’ve spent all the time we can on Drew on his problems, because it’s been way too long since we spent some time on Wilbur motherfucking Weston and all his problems! Now, I know from this strip it looks like Wilbur doesn’t have any problems. Honestly, it looks like he doesn’t have a care in the world! But believe me, folks: this is a man with some problems, and we’re going to hear about them in gruesome detail.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/16/21

I’m not sure which possibility suggested by this strip is more hilarious to me: that the climactic “Les and Lisa discuss the disposal of Lisa’s cremains” scene of Lisa’s Story: The Movie was filmed on a tiny set in front of a greenscreen, or that they built that little bench as “fun” prop for this hot Hollywood party, to remind the cast and crew what it’s all really about (it’s about how Lisa died of cancer, and her husband is and has been extremely noble about it).

Beetle Bailey, 8/16/21

Like most Americans, I’m into gritty, “edgy” reboots of existing intellectual property. So obviously I was deeply disappointed that today’s Beetle Bailey didn’t pay off on the promise of the first panel, which implied that we’d see a story where the denizens of Camp Swampy wonder if Beetle Bailey committed suicide.

Gil Thorp, 8/16/21

CSI: GOLF SCAMS: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT