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Mark Trail, 9/19/18

Remember that time Rusty accidentally took some pictures of a couple of bank robbers laying low (?) at a local cafe, and then they offered to buy his camera and when he balked at that they just grabbed the camera and threw money at him? Anyway, if you look at that camera it was obviously from 1953, which means he’s not super up on modern photo-taking technology and it’s thus not surprising that he has no clear idea what he’s supposed to do with his phone as he and Mara surreptitiously try to gather more information on their suspect. I mean, phones are for making phone calls! And who’s he supposed to call? Mark? The police? The library, to get information about Mayan artifacts? You’re not making any sense, Mara!

Beetle Bailey, 9/19/18

We all have a good laugh about not know what Beetle’s eyes look like because he never takes off his cap, but having now seen the weird fleshly lobe that normally lurks under General Halftrack’s hat and apparently flops grotesquely down over his eyelids when he removes it, I for one demand that we remain protected from whatever body horror lurks on Private Bailey’s skull.

Pluggers, 9/19/18

Look, kid, you might not get why pluggers had to aid and abet the Indoensian genocide in the late ’60s, but just trust us: sometimes you gotta kill a million people, for freedom and America, OK?

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Beetle Bailey, 9/14/18

This is a cartoon clearly written by someone who’s heard about how the Kids Today like to take pictures of their meals, but has no idea why or ever how they do so. Like, some embarrassed colorist has attempted to make it look like Sarge is holding his phone, but that’s clearly supposed to be an old-school point-and-shoot camera.

Hagar the Horrible, 9/14/18

There are like two entirely different things happening in this strip. On the one hand, you have “ancient history” apparently being understood by Hamlet’s parents to mean “Hagar’s relationships with pre-Helga girlfriends” or maybe “Hagar’s infidelity early in his relationship with Helga,” thus injecting Hamlet’s eagerness to discuss his school lessons with his parents’ long-simmering marital drama. On the other hand, you have whatever “school” a Viking chieftain’s son attends apparently letting its young Norse charges in on the true international illuminati conspiracy that is biding its time until civilization rises up again to be worth ruling, watching all things with its unblinking pyramidal Eye.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/10/18

General Halftrack is of course old, feeble, and slow-moving, so it had to be pure surprise that allowed him to land a sharp, shattering blow to Sarge’s face. You can still see the shock in Sarge’s eyes. Usually he’s the one who dishes out disfiguring physical punishment to the soldiers under his command in flagrant violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice, not the other way around.

Gasoline Alley, 9/10/18

Gasoline Alley is in the midst of rambling bit where a bunch of hundred-year-old cartoon characters are discussing their inability to make jokes that people would enjoy, which seems a little on the nose to me.

Mary Worth, 9/10/18

“Oh no! Mr. Wynter’s beloved dog, his only companion, has died, which may force him to finally open up to social overtures and make new friends? What a completely unexpected development!” said Mary, watering her freshly planted bed of extremely poisonous plants.