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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/17/20

“Like I said — long story. Pretty boring one, too. I mean, not as boring as the one about how you and your wife had a baby after a moderately difficult pregnancy. Hoo boy, was that a stinker! So, what have you been up to? No, don’t tell me, I’m sure it’s not interesting.”

Crankshaft, 3/17/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because … Lillian forgot the name of the guy who was planning on interviewing her for his podcast? That’s it? That’s the entire joke of this strip? Ha … ha?

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/17/20

Hey, everything’s going crazy, the world is ending, and you know what? Why not put some diaper fetish content in your nationally syndicated newspaper comic? Really, why not! GOD IS DEAD, DO AS THOU WILT

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Funky Winkerbean, 3/16/20

“Ha ha, get it? His name is Les Moore, which is sort of a play on words? Anyway, long story short, your father maybe forgot you were coming home from college or maybe just didn’t care and definitely didn’t bother telling you about his big trip! So glad I married into this close, loving family.”

Crankshaft, 3/16/20

Trust me, Lillian, I know exactly what a podcast is, and I can tell you that it isn’t exciting at all.

Family Circus, 3/16/20

I apologize for implying last week that there were Freudian implications to Little Billy’s ongoing cartoon torture of his father. In fact, as the panel I highlighted then and today’s panel both demonstrate, he’s drawing on the Jungian archetypes that are ingrained in our folk memory and appear in the dark fairy tales our ancestors used to terrify their children.

The Lockhorns, 3/16/20

Amazing: the multi-month lead time in comics publishing has transformed Leroy from a cheapskate who never takes his wife anywhere nice to a true hero of public health! (Well, strictly speaking, he should be ordering delivery, but still, this is better than flying directly into a quarantine.)

Six Chix, 3/16/20

Looks like scientists have finally designed an artificial intelligence that can beat human players at poker … and it’s [record scratch] A WOMAN??? You go, girlfriend! Get that paper! [snaps fingers supportively]

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Crankshaft, 3/12/20

QUICK RECAP ON WHAT’S UP IN CRANKSHAFT: Hannah did indeed end up giving birth in the Valentine when everyone was snowed in, and Crankshaft had apparently had to help someone give birth in a previous storyline years ago so he’s basically a midwife now, and he did it again and everyone is fine except Crankshaft then horribly threw out his back while shoveling them out of the theater. Anyway, as I’ve discussed previously, the orthographic conventions of Peanuts are burned very deeply into my brain, and I strongly associate “AUUUUUUUGH!!” with spiritual anguish, like Charlie Brown losing yet another baseball game, but I will also accept it as a signifier of intense physical pain, especially if that pain is afflicting Ed Crankshaft, one of the least likable protagonists in the comics pages, which is really saying something.

Mary Worth, 3/12/20

Jesus Christ Mary, will you stop relentlessly monitoring Dawn’s sexuality? God, she obliquely confesses just once that she’s thinking about sleeping with a married man and now you won’t get off her back. Let her live, Mary, let her live!