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Dennis the Menace, 4/8/18

At first I was going to say “I can’t believe I actually have dedicated mental energy to this,” but obviously I have a blog about comic strips so it’s pretty obvious that I would dedicate mental energy to this, so let me pose the question to you, the reader: doesn’t Dennis’s grandpa look kind of off-model here? He usually doesn’t have glasses and his hair isn’t usually doing that in front and, perhaps most importantly, he usually looks kind of smug and self-assured, like he does here. Anyway, the reason I’m going through this whole thought process is that today’s strip never actually identifies this man as Dennis’s grandfather, which means that maybe he’s just some random old man feeding Dennis cookies for his own no doubt horrifying purposes, and who has been caught and punished in possibly the least effective manner possible.

Gasoline Alley, 4/8/18

Gasoline Alley isn’t always hip to the latest trends, but today it’s here to tell you that there’s a third dimension now! Crazy, right???? I’m mostly posting this comic to point out that Gasoline Alley is extremely scrupulous about respecting the intellectual property rights of Magic Eye, Inc., who, though they would appreciate being referred to, falsely, as “today’s rage,” would probably be angry if their brand name were put above the “puzzle” in the second-to-last column, not least because you can stare it all you want and nothing 3-D is going to happen inside your brain.

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Pluggers, 4/5/18

Are you an ordinary biological life form made of meat and bone? Are you trying to transcend those limitations by festooning your flesh-shell with baubles made of gold or jewels? Well, pluggers are way ahead of you. Pluggers are enhancing their bodies with metal and machinery, to become something greater, something powerful, something more. I honestly did not anticipate this new direction for Pluggers, but I am very much here for it.

Dennis the Menace, 4/5/18

Your mother is a young woman, Dennis, and probably sees her still-young child as a reflection of her own youth. Letting her know that you, who will almost certainly outlive her, already feel the icy breath of mortality on the back of your neck is menacing indeed.

Family Circus, 4/5/18

“What’s her angle? Is she plotting against me? Against us? Are we in a blood feud with grandma? I’ve been waiting for this day all my life.”

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Family Circus, 3/28/18

So all week Family Circus has been doing a “Daddy’s boss is coming to visit!” storyline, which has featured Ma Keane in particular in just a state of constant anxiety about, I guess, the state of the house and the presence of four unruly and (let’s be honest) unattractive children. Her level of freakout seems WILDLY out of proportion to the actual situation, and today’s panel — which would make next to no sense if you didn’t know the context — even more so. Like, can Ma Keane even hear what Dolly is saying from this distance? Does she really think her husband’s boss is going to insist that, now that a five-year-old child has invited her to stay for dinner, the Keanes are honor-bound to feed her? Honestly the only way this all fits together is if Thel has been suspecting for years that Big Daddy Keane was having an affair with his boss, and in this panel he’s just gotten finished telling her that they’re running off together, tonight.

Judge Parker, 3/28/18

Hey, remember Toni Bowen, the network news’s main reporter on the Spencer-Driver beat, who brought America both the “Neddy has violated OSHA rules in so many ways” story and the “April is a international criminal, just not the way everyone thinks” story? And then she got fired? Well, she and Sam have bumped into each other down at the supermarket, and the sexual tension is palpable! The only question remaining is how exactly April, who’s still Randy’s wife and is keeping remote tabs on him via his own security systems and is also a literal assassin, is going to assassinate Toni, to death, until she’s dead.

Dennis the Menace, 3/28/18

I mean … I guess I’m not married to the Dennis the Menace brand, but I still think it’s a little late to pivot to an “old people do the darndest things” model, even if the readership is like 90% old people at this point.