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Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/27/06

Poor White Trash Momma; she looks so hurt in the last panel. It’s like she was excited about finally actually using her chemistry degree and now Nikki just made it seem so dirty. Some lab safety advice, dear: you might want to get a longer shirt, because when the makeshift equipment explodes (as it almost certainly will), you’re going to want to have as little exposed flesh as possible.

It’s about time that Rex Morgan tackled the meth epidemic sweeping across the lower economic strata of America. Despite this strip’s attempt to engage with cutting-edge social problems, it was beaten to that particular punch by more than two years by Mary Worth of all things. And speaking of that, can we please, please, please count on this fellow being WTM’s boss?

If you’re tragically unfamiliar with Tommy the Tweaker — surely one of the greatest Mary Worth characters in living memory — start here and work your way forward.

Dennis the Menace, 10/27/06

The thing that really bothers me about this panel is the single bead of sweat on Mr. Wilson’s forehead. I’m pretty sure this is his last moment of sanity before he snaps into a child-murdering rage.

Mary Worth, 10/27/06

Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, Ella is wasting no time in getting busy with the local ladies. First stop: Iris Beedle, mother to the aforementioned Tommy and, improbably, girlfriend to Commandante Combover, who’s strolling rather smugly about six feet in front of her. Iris’ dating history indicates that she’s generally been of the heterosexual persuasion, but a relationship with Wilbur would probably be enough to turn anybody off men forever, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that she’s eager to take a detour to “discover” things “about each other” with a total stranger without even bothering to say goodbye to her boyfriend.

Perhaps the first sign of Iris’ disenchantment with Wilbur is that she’s stopped dying her hair. Ella loves you just the way you are, dear: a nice brunette in purple pants.

Judge Parker, 10/27/06

Everybody had State College Bobby down as a threat to poor Raju, but here he’s showing off his cultural sensitivity as he stands up to Shiny-Headed Mohawk Man. Sadly for him, though, there are, in fact, people from India who belong to tribes, but it’s the thought that counts.

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Apartment 3-G, 10/26/06

%$(^, that is one #)(%&ing angry brunette. Everyone’s going to be marveling at Tommie’s massive head bobble in panel three, which makes it look like she’s a Victorian governess who’s never, ever heard a swear word before, but the motion lines I’m more interested in are radiating from Margo’s clenched fist in panel one. This chick looks like she’s about to haul off and punch somebody — somebody like Eric Mills, or, if he’s not available, his niece.

Who knew that being a party planner for the rich and capricious was so stressful? First it was peacocks running amok, now she can’t get her client on the phone when she’s at the crucial point in her delicate negotiations with the Kidz Bop Kids. Considering the fact that her last big event never happened, and this one is heading in the same direction, I do hope that Margo bills by the hour, and once a week.

Gasoline Alley, 10/26/06

Speaking of women who look to be on the threshold of fisticuffs, check out the numb, wide-eyed expression on Clovia’s face in panel three here. Clovia has been on the verge of snapping for about the entire time I’ve been reading this strip, largely due to her husband’s complete lack of redeeming qualities. Once the killing spree begins, it’s only going to start with Slim. Note the difference in technique: while Margo is going for the classic knuckle sandwich, Clovia has her index knuckle somewhat extended, as if her first objective will be to gouge out an eye.

Mary Worth, 10/26/06

Real comics aficionados aren’t fooled by this “Ella” business; that’s clearly beloved Doonesbury character Lacey Davenport!

Some of you might be saying, “But Josh, Lacey died in 1998!” Well, duh. Since she’s deceased, she can be summoned up by the God of Comics and sent into various strips as a sort of troubleshooter to solve problems and right wrongs. This explains why she doesn’t even know why she’s moving into this well-appointed condo complex: the God of Comics likes to reveal His intentions a little bit after the scene has been set, just like Charlie’s Angels’ Charlie. But I don’t think I need to explain to you what grievous recent wrong needs to be avenged in this feature. I think the stage is being set for one of the most titanic Battles of the Biddies that the comics has ever seen. That squirrel is getting out while the getting’s good.

Dennis the Menace, 10/26/06

“Don’t you remember, mom? He was saying stuff like … ‘This sham of a marriage is killing me’ … ‘You and your little brat can rot at the Gap for the rest of your life for all I care’ … ‘You’ll be hearing from my lawyer’ … ‘Thank God the house is in my name’…”

Seriously, who doesn’t remember how they got to the mall? Who gets dropped off at the mall without a plan for how they’re going to get home? Is Mrs. the Menace high? She looks kind of high to me.

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Mary Worth, 10/15/06

Can I confess something to you? Like Toby, I’m looking for closure: Closure on the Aldo storyline. Sadly, I think this may be as close as we’re going to get. I think the best we can say about Mary’s thought-balloon trip here, which is redolent of an old Burma Shave ad, is that it’s short and to the point. At least she’s trying to make a good show of things: her moronic trio of friends are just openly gawking at her, as if they’d never seen an act of human kindness before in their lives.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/15/06

I was going to say that Rex contemplating whether or not June should quit her job without actually, you know, asking June is a bit retrograde, but then I realized that this is coming from the same creative team that’s having June parade about in a towel for our titillation.

It’s interesting that Rex is encouraging the only other medical professional who works in his practice to quit, especially since he recently agreed to help out at a free clinic for uninsured children. Maybe he finds being around his wife such a distasteful reminder of the heterosexual façade that is his life that he’s looking for any way to minimize his contact with her. “Yes, honey, you stay home with little Sarah, while I work at our practice … and the children’s clinic … I’ll be home … next week … maybe …”

Of course, it’s possible I’m misreading this and that Rex is talking about quitting his job for a while. In which case, I’m actually looking forward to the adventures of Rex Morgan, Unshaven and Unemployed Layabout.

Dennis the Menace, 10/15/06

In an attempt to recapture his “menacing” cred, Dennis assumes the powers of divine judgement and condemns Margaret to everlasting hellfire!