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Dennis the Menace, 5/17/21

Look, the only time I want Dennis to say “Now he’s studyin’ for the bar” as a punchline is if he’s repeating some crack from his parents about their guest’s terrible drinking problem that he pretends he didn’t understand. But this? I honestly have no idea what this is. A true menace would maybe be running a scam where he dresses a fellow kid up in a suit and claims he’s a lawyer and dares adults to contradict him, going on a small-time reign of legal terror, but we all know Dennis doesn’t have the grit to pull off a plan like that. Anyway, this kid’s a real square-ass nerd and Dennis, the comic pages’ biggest “menace,” is his friend and real proud of him, I guess!

Gil Thorp, 5/17/21

Aw snap, today’s my favorite day of the season: when the team over at Gil Thorp HQ pulls the giant lever all the way over to “wacky!” It looks like in addition to going to high school and being on the baseball team and working odd jobs to help support his impoverished family, Zane is going to be running for the library board against his girlfriend’s dad so his girlfriend’s dad can’t put his “let’s shut down all the libraries” agenda into action. Can this be any good for his relationship, his grades, or his fastball? Probably not, but it’s good for drama, which is what I crave.

Dick Tracy, 5/17/21

Speaking of drama, just days ago someone tried to assassinate Dick and Sam’s protectee in broad daylight. But today? Today they’re going to enjoy the legitimate theater!

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Gil Thorp, 5/13/21

It’s always fun to learn something new about a medium you’ve written about for years, which is why last weekend I followed with interest this Twitter thread from various comics types about whether a comics character needs to be drawn with their mouth open when speaking. I’ve been checking this out in various strips ever since, and while I generally agree with their consensus that closed-mouth-plus-word-balloon is fine and actually makes faces more expressive in many cases, I cannot recommend a scenario where a character is speaking while their mouth is closed around a slice of pizza and they’re smiling and you can see a couple teeth, somehow. My main point here is that Eating Pizza In A Fucked-Up Way Week is rolling right along here on the funny pages.

Pluggers, 5/13/21

Since this dog-man is the one who’s been made contact with, and since his character design is what we might describe as “pencil-necked,” I think we have to conclude that he himself is not a plugger, or at least not the plugger who’s intended to be the subject of the descriptive caption. Somewhere out there, presumably back at the tee, is the plugger in question, whose thoughtlessness is a menace to us all. A bold assertion from a comic that’s meant to be “celebrating” pluggers, honestly!

Dennis the Menace, 5/13/21

By pointing out his mother’s anachronistic language, Dennis threatens to unravel the entire fabric of his retro reality. He’s so committed to menacing he’s willing to undo his very existence in order to do it properly, and you have to respect it.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/7/21

Hello, everyone! Did you know today is No Pants Day, a day when we’re all urged to donate unwanted clothes, or give to a charity that helps people who need clothes? I myself did not, but today’s syndicated comics are here to raise awareness! Honestly the strip that does the best job is Dennis the Menace, which gives you the details you need to know while also doing a joke that may be about how Dennis hopes to see Mr. Wilson with no pants, or may be about that his hope that Mr. Wilson knows it’s completely legit for him and Joey to be wandering the neighborhood fully nude from the waist down. Either possibility is pretty disturbing, and disturbing is a kind of menacing, I guess.

Marvin, 5/7/21

Marvin, meanwhile, doesn’t really bother to explain the concept of this new (?) holiday, as it’s far too eager to depict its title character’s ass crack.

The Lockhorns, Dick Tracy, and Hi and Lois, 5/7/21

Other strips, meanwhile, aren’t even mentioning the day by name, but are just taking the opportunity to depict some middle-aged men standing around in their underwear. And who can blame them? Hubba hubba!

Mary Worth, 5/7/21

Wow, seems Ashlee went full-on Fatal Attraction a lot sooner than anyone expected, huh? Anyway, Mary Worth may not be doing an explicit No Pants Day tribute, but make no mistake: based on his facial expression, Drew has definitely shat himself, and will be in the nearest linen closet changing into whatever scrubs he can find in his size in short order.