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Dick Tracy, 6/18/18

Hey, remember how Sawtooth was on his way to Neo-Chicago, to do crimes? Well, even though he’s a brutal cop-killing thug with teeth made out of real saws, he still has other interests, and one of those interests is taking in live midnight audience-participation showings of the cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show. Too bad Sam Catchem was there too! God, you’d think you could avoid the cops at underground events like Rocky Horror, but I guess this is pretty clear evidence that it is not as alternative and punk rock as it was 30 years ago, right? Anyway, Sawtooth is about to punch a cop in a face, in public, which probably won’t help with the whole “sneaking into town in disguise” part of his plan.

Mary Worth, 6/18/18

Ahh, Tommy and Brandy, just another pair of economically marginal Americans working themselves to death! Maybe soon they’ll fall in love, share expenses on a tiny apartment in a so-so neighborhood, and occasionally get to have sex after work, assuming their shifts can sync up and they aren’t too exhausted.

Beetle Bailey, 6/18/18

Speaking of sex, Killer just did sex and … then came back to the barracks, literally putting off smoke? I don’t know why it bothers me so much that this is smoke and not steam. I know “putting off steam after sex” isn’t how sex works, but putting off smoke after sex is definitely not how sex works.

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Dick Tracy, 6/10/18

Ha ha, I guess this is why they call him “Sawtooth”: if you try to make small talk with him during the 46-hour train ride from California to Chicago, he’ll bite your head off! Metaphorically. And maybe literally, later. 46 hours is a long time. And that’s the scheduled travel time. Those long-haul Amtrak routes often run very late. Lotta opportunities for, say, a guy with metal teeth to bite another guy’s head off, is what I’m saying. He’d have some soothing quiet then, by God. Except for all the horrified screaming, I guess.

Mary Worth, 6/10/18

Remember, Mary is of a certain age, so she uses euphemisms like “seeing someone at the Medical Arts Building” to mean psychotherapy and “exciting personal life” to mean “non-stop fuckfest with a hot rich dude her son’s age, to which I have given my blessing.”

Spider-Man, 6/10/18

Boy, there’s a lot of musing about hospital administrators padding out this comic before we get to the best: the NEXT: box that boldly uses the completely horrifying phrase “spider of flesh!” Imagine if you will a spider not covered in chitin like the ones you know, but rather just composed entirely of flesh. Just a spider-shaped flesh-chunk, no organs or anything like that, but somehow alive, and moving. Pretty awful, right? Sure would want a fist made of iron to come along and pound it into oblivion!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/10/18

“…with a bigger budget than most, of course. So, in other words, I’m not like a regular mom at all! I’m rich as shit!”

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Dick Tracy, 5/31/18

Oh, right, they tried to kill Dick Tracy last year by tying him to a tree and letting him freeze to death? It was both ineffective and so boring that I seem to have not covered it at all on this blog, and you have to admit it isn’t necessarily the most obvious way to kill a guy when you’re hiring a man named “Sawtooth” with razor-sharp metal teeth to do the killing. I mean, you’d think you’d want the guy to, like, bite him, right? Bite him with his deadly metal teeth? Anyway, Sawtooth is working on his own now, which means he does it his way, which, I assume, means the whole biting-to-death thing. Ha ha, look how excited he is! Gettin’ all sweaty and worked up thinking about all the biting he’s gonna do!

Blondie, 5/31/18

The thing I can’t get past in this cartoon is Elmo’s opening line: “Mom made me wear this for graduation, Mr. B.” I can’t decide which possibility I like more: that Elmo, whose extremely bad attitude is on display throughout this strip, didn’t want to dress like a damn square the way the man says you should for your graduation, but his mom forced him to conform to social norms for at least the length of the afternoon; or if Elmo’s graduation from, like, second grade or whatever is rightfully not being run by his school with any particularly degree of ceremony, but his mother is insistent that her child and each of his milestones, no matter how seemingly insignificant, are of utmost importance and should be treated accordingly.

Dennis the Menace, 5/31/18

Ha ha, we make a lot of jokes on this blog about what is or isn’t menacing, but I think we can be serious for a moment and say that a guy sitting by himself in the park telling little kids about all the fucking he’s doing overseas is pretty bad news.