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Dick Tracy, 1/8/23

The current Dick Tracy plot takes a look at the age old battle between labor (the master forger who made a fake Da Vinci based on some recently discovered sketches) and capital (the underworld mastermind who connected him with the sketches and provided him with the resources he needed to create the fake). Marx teaches us that this kind of struggle is always a political one, but since this political instance takes place outside the bounds of state-sanctioned law, the politics are going to get pretty violent pretty quickly. I like that Art Dekko is calling in an (I assume) hired killer named “Kriptonite,” whose name implies that he uses otherworldly energies to kill superheroes in particular, but since Dick Tracy world is somewhat closer to our own than Superman’s, I assume he’s going to just shoot the forger guy with a gun, maybe a green gun.

Marvin, 1/8/23

Not sure what Grandma’s final panel shocked expression is supposed to convey: her realization that they’re trapped in their apartment building after a massive snowfall, and now face death from starvation or hypothermia, or that she had completely forgotten that they moved from their single-family home into an apartment building, indicating that her dementia is progressing rapidly.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/8/23

Oh, is Rex Morgan gonna throw minor ailment after minor ailment at us until we beg for more Truck Tyler bullshit? Well, forget it! I can watch June half-assedly advise people on sprained ankles and low blood suger all day! I’ll never ask for more Truck Tyler bullshit, you hear me? Never!

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Dick Tracy, 12/4/22

Look, here’s a tough message to all you “social justice warriors” out there: if you would simply allow police to do their jobs by hounding suspects to their ironic deaths, and if juries on the trials for those few cases where someone survives to go to court would just “serve cheerfully and use [their] best judgement” (i.e., convict in all cases) as the Crimestoppers Textbook suggests, then we could all live in a utopian paradise like Neo-Chicago, where selling counterfeit animation cels to furries is a crime considered major enough to attract the Major Crime Unit’s attention.

Gasoline Alley, 12/4/22

America’s population, and its newspaper comics reading population in particular, is rapidly aging, and many yearn for simple pleasures, like having a live-in domestic servant with whom they can share a laugh over alliteration in news articles. Sadly, thanks to out-of-control inflation in servant wages, most cannot afford that luxury, and must be satisfied with its depiction in Gasoline Alley, the old person’s comic of choice for extremely low-stakes chuckles.

Mary Worth, 12/4/22

OK, Iris, I know you’re very fixated on the physical similarities between you and Nan, but I think you do need to spend some time emotionally dealing with “yummy yummy yummy… for my tummy tummy tummy!” If you don’t nip this in the bud now, it absolutely will be part of your wedding vows.

Beetle Bailey, 12/4/22

Love the fact that, in his addled ramble around the house, General Halftrack managed to acquire a healthy pour of brown liquor. My man’s getting up there in years, but he’s still got it! (The “it” is of course a debilitating alcohol problem.)

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Beetle Bailey, 11/29/22

Beetle Bailey has recently established that, in addition to being extremely stupid, Zero is also an extremely accurate rifleman. But how can the U.S. military harden this peaceful simpleton’s heart so that he can use his skills to kill America’s adversaries? Well, it turns out that Sgt. Snorkel is actually pretty good at the “teach your soldiers to dehumanize the enemy” part of the job.

Crankshaft, 11/29/22

One of my least favorite Crankshaft tropes is when the gang treats Lena, a coworker who is always depicted as nothing but delightful as a person, with wholly undeserved contempt, especially when it comes to her cooking and/or making coffee. Like, fine, she’s probably bad at it or whatever, but their reactions are always way over the top in a way that I guess is supposed to be “exaggerated for comic effect” but always comes across as mean-spirited and unpleasant. Today’s strip, in which Ed declares that Lena’s cookies actively interfere with the Christ child’s mission to redeem mankind from sin, is a good example.

Dick Tracy, 11/29/22

Say, remember back in 2017, a more innocent time, when we all learned that Dick Tracy knows what cosplay is? Well, this is the year when we learn that Dick Tracy knows what furries are. Maybe he’s going to shoot one, or shoot somebody who’s robbing one, who knows!