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Dick Tracy, 4/3/19

Well I for one am excited that this current Dick Tracy storyline, about a journalist who’s also a serial killer, seems to be entirely focused on the journalist-serial killer’s dissatisfaction with the nickname he’s had foisted onto him. He apparently would prefer to be known as “The Professor” because he “teaches the teachers,” which, not to sound like an elitist or anything, implies that he wholly misunderstands the distinction between secondary and tertiary education. Also, since I guess I’m going to sound like an elitist no matter what, it’s a little less impressive to “teach the teachers” when the teachers you teach are all gym teachers.

Gil Thorp, 4/3/19

Ahh, finally we’re learning what the “family stuff” was that kids were missing precious softball scrimmages for: doing “stuff” at a convention with your “family” of fellow content producers in the pop culture industrial complex. It looks like our spring Gil Thorp storyline is going to answer that age-old question: can a jock also be … a nerd?

Mark Trail, 4/3/19

Whoa, check out the quick swivel Mark’s got going on in the first panel here. “I’m sorry, is someone other than me needlessly reassuring a woman who’s talking about outdoorsy stuff that she hasn’t made an embarrassing error? And does that other person have the hint of a beard? I sense trouble brewing!”

Beetle Bailey, 4/3/19

As the U.S. military crumbles and the homeland itself is subject to enemy invasion, we’re down to our last line of defense: the troops garrisoned at Camp Swampy. With artillery raining down on the command post, things are not looking good.

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Dick Tracy, 3/26/19

Oh, huh, I must be losing it, because a couple weeks ago when we were introduced to a new character, a cocky local sports reporter and columnist, it had already slipped my mind that a couple weeks before that we had already been offered a glimpse of a stab-happy sports reporter! I guess this is all just some kind of intra-jock feud. Anyway, this is part of the Dick Tracy narrative M.O. in which the perp is always the most obvious person and the “drama” comes from the MCU’s dogged and violent pursuit of the that person, not any kind of clever “solving” of “crimes” or anything like that. Meanwhile, I can’t tell if “It wasn’t you, was it?” is meant to signify “Oh no, I married a murderer, how could I have been so blind?” or “Ugh, you promised you wouldn’t murder any more gym teachers, can’t you just do this one little thing for me?”

Gil Thorp, 3/26/19

I certainly hope all this mysterious talk of “family stuff” is referring to the Human Family, a local doomsday cult who’s been heavily recruiting Milford teenagers this year. “Well! That explains things,” says Mohawk Guy, around hour four into the Patriarch’s sermon in which he blames the failure of the Cleansing to arrive on the appointed date on the corruption of the “real” Mayan calendar by Spanish conquistadors.

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Curtis, 3/25/19

Curtis is one of those strips that spends most of its time circling around the same 10 or so jokes, and it does it with such workmanlike skill that I read and enjoy it daily even though I don’t really talk about it much here. I will say that after so many years it clearly gets tougher coming up with variations on the template, which is why I’m excited that this installment of “Barry is disgusted by Curtis mooning over Michelle” is about to take a turn into surrealistic body horror, with his intestines bursting through his OshKosh B’goshes and flailing all over the place.

Dick Tracy, 3/25/19

Well, the press has finally settled on its nickname for the serial killer who’s murdering all those teachers, and it’s … “The Teacher’s Pet”? Do … do they know this name usually signifies an affectionate relationship with a teacher? I dunno, maybe it’s OK that the newspapers are all going bankrupt.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/25/19

“I have to say, this is quite the odd coincidence, of the sort that might lay the groundwork for an intriguing storyline!”

“I can see why you might think that at first glance, but let me assure you that the actual explanation is entirely banal.”

“Oh well! I suppose I’ll just sit here facing forward in silence for the rest of the flight, then. Good luck to you!”