Archive: Gasoline Alley

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Pluggers, 11/2/17

Ooh, we have another Extremely Depressing Pluggers entry to go toe-to-toe with the all-time Extremely Depressing Pluggers champion, “Rhino-Man Hocks His TV!” Do you think today’s entry is meant to actually depict acute poverty, or just a mindset imposed by constant low-level deprivation on our chicken-lady, so that even though she could probably part with the dollar or so that a new half-pound block of cream cheese costs, she thinks that she isn’t worthy of such extravagance, and that whatever mild-to-not-quite-urgent-care-level digestive distress she experiences is just her lot in life and she deserves no better? Either way, it’s still pretty grim.

Gasoline Alley, 11/2/17

Oh, hey, it’s Rufus and Joel, America’s third- or fourth-favorite fake old-timey comic strip rustics! They’ve been separated ever since Rufus wandered off with a broken heart, and Joel’s quest to find him passed through various other comic strips before arriving at … the circus? Sure, why not. Anyway, while they were apart, Rufus took part in the some of the unspeakably depraved orgies for which circus folk are famous, and he would now like some hard liquor post-haste.

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Dick Tracy, 9/27/17

Hey, remember the Space Coupe? It was a charmingly retro spacecraft invented by Diet Smith that allowed Dick Tracy and his pals to travel to the moon, leading to the act of cross-species sex that brought adorable li’l Honeymoon Tracy into existence! Honeymoon was actually born within this space-travelling cylinder, so she has a unique right to wear that t-shirt, I suppose, though I can’t help but think about people who died horribly in it not that long ago!

Gasoline Alley, 9/27/17

Speaking of dying horribly, looks like Rufus is about to be involved in a fatal officer-involved shooting on the streets of Neo-Chicago! Presumably it will be easy to spin his impenetrable fake rustic dialect as resisting arrest in some way.

Judge Parker, 9/27/17

Oh my God, did a member of the Parker-Driver clan experience a consequence of some kind??? And it was for something she barely even did! (She and her arms dealer dad might’ve done a few light murders in the course of extracting herself from a CIA rogue op she probably should’ve noticed she had accidentally become a part of.) Anyway, three years in the clink in Parkerverse time will be the equivalent of … maybe 40, 50 years in real time? Enjoy reading the joyous strips featuring April’s release on your holo-pads in space, everybody!

Spider-Man, 9/27/17

Uhhhhh, Peter, she’s … already a widow? Uncle Ben? “With great power comes great responsibility?” Is any of this ringing a bell, Peter

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Bizarro, 9/22/17

As a matter of policy, the Comics Curmudgeon stands foursquare behind Love, and specifically condemns ichthyophobia in all its forms.

Arctic Circle, 9/22/17

And here is your second newspaper comic mermaid sex joke of the day. Maybe there’s something in the water?

Hägar the Horrible, 9/22/17

Hägar and Helga take up residence between the whorehouse and the monastery. Expect to be seeing a lot of Brother Olaf, guys: that guy practices what he preaches.

Spider-Man, 9/22/17

“… I could not stand by and watch you become a murderer. But I’m totally down with watching you shrivel in agony to a desiccated corpse. Out of love! I’m also OK conspiring with Spider-Man to murder you. Um … love!

Gasoline Alley, 9/22/17

Dick Tracy reads Gasoline Alley twice — once in the paper and once online. He’s just that tough!

— Uncle Lumpy