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Slylock Fox and My Cage, 12/17/07

Ye cats! It’s a sexy feline trans-comic crossover scenario! I’m ashamed to admit that I hadn’t yet added My Cage to my Chron custom page, mostly because rebuilding a page with 70+ strips is a pain in the ass. But I’ve liked what I’ve seen of it, and its writer, Ed Power, is a faithful reader, so Cassandra’s glamorous appearance in the strip’s humdrum office setting has finally gotten me off my butt to do so.

Norm will pay for dismissing Cassandra based on her appearance, though. She’s 100 percent qualified — to steal the hell out of all your crap, buddy.

Meanwhile, with Cassandra off running some kind of white-collar long con, her cousin Carla is picking up her slack, theft-wise. I find it kind of endearing that Carla is wearing a cat-burglar suit despite being an actual cat. And today’s Slylock actually teaches a valuable lesson, namely: DON’T EVER TRUST CATS.

Mark Trail, 12/17/07

Everyone knows that Mark Trail has incredibly powerful fist and an inability to feel distracting human emotions; but you may not know that he also boasts a supernaturally discerning palette. Some years back, he proved his ability to identify illegal narcotics by taste, always a useful skill when you get involved in high-stakes adventure as Mark is wont to do. Today, however, as we watch him gobbling up the soggy, week-old off-brand cigar butts that Andy is faithfully digging up for him, I’m beginning to worry about the guy a little bit.

Family Circus, 12/18/07

Dad bellows Charles Dickens to nobody in particular. The kids stare around dumbly, then smile in a greedy, Pavlovian response to a stray phrase that sounds like something they want. Enjoy this Christmas card straight from the heart of lunacy.

Gil Thorp, 12/17/07

YES! YES! After weeks of waiting, Milford is finally unleashing its nutty Wing-T offense!

…

…

Wow, so it turns out that confusing and badly-drawn football action in a comic strip is actually kind of boring.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 12/17/07

Yet another Comics Curmudgeon idea in TDIET! This one comes from eco-minded faithful reader Dave, who I urge everyone to refer to as “Gus Greenearth” from now on.

I love the way little Junior almost forgets his line in the first panel. “Uh … [damn it, I know it’s one of the classic TDIET catchphrases] … oh, yeah!” Also, bonus Scaduto-ism: “sooper-market.”

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Blondie, 12/14/07

I think I’ve made it clear that I oppose the coloring of daily comics, especially when the artists aren’t the one making the color choices. It’s particularly bad when the strips are specifically created with coloring conventions that accommodate publication in black and white and then are colored in. One of the most disconcerting examples of this is when something in a strip is supposed to be red and is colored solid black in the black-and-white version. It makes total sense in a monochrome format, but once you add color into the mix, you get bizarre results like Hi and Lois’ S&M Valentine’s Day, or Dagwood the goth Santa.

I got some fine pics from a meetup from faithful readers in greater Portland, which I’ll be running in the next day or two, but I did want to share a related anecdote from faithful reader Brown-Eyed Girl that’s relevant here:

As I was trying (and failing) to find the highway out of Portland, I stumbled across the Santacon: 600+ people dressed up like Santa Claus marching through downtown Portland. Well, staggering through downtown Portland; many of them were drunk. In honor of the black-clad Santa in Luann, I’ve sent you a picture of a black-clad Santa. “Better dead than red,” he said.

I should add that I only see Luann in black and white, and so black-suited Santas there seem totally reasonable to me. Dagwood’s hat, however, gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Gil Thorp, 12/14/07

No one is ever, ever allowed to make fun of the art in Gil Thorp again. Ever. What other strip would aim so high as to give us triple-Bill punching action? I particularly like the way that that the lead Valley Tech Vandal’s omnipresent hat is blasted off his head by Bill’s very first punch, symbolically emasculating him. It’s unclear whether he’s holding his face in panel three because he’s bleeding everywhere or because he’s ashamed of being beaten up by a dude with one leg.

Meanwhile, Cully’s sad face in panel three indicates that he’s getting no joy from this savage beatdown. Either his time in prison has shown him that the turn to violence is never any kind of victory, or he’s disappointed that he didn’t get to break these guys in half himself with his “wrestling moves.”

Curtis, 12/14/07

“Well, you were wearin’ shorts and flip-flops, I should say. I was wearing the same damn outfit I have on now, just like I do every other day of my life.”

Beetle Bailey, 12/14/07

Ha! It’s funny because the U.S. Army’s officer corps is mostly composed of desperate alcoholics!

Pluggers, 12/14/07

Pluggers know that a plastic sofa cover is a lot cheaper than fancy incontinence medication.

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Mark Trail, 12/13/07

Steve McQueen death hoax shocker!

Shocking evidence from north of the border indicates that movie legend Steve McQueen, universally thought to have died in Mexico in 1980 after receiving nontraditional treatment for his lung cancer, may have faked his death and moved to Canada to achieve his lifelong fantasy: to become a Mountie! “After being a racecar driver and an actor, if Steve could have done one thing, it would have been to join the RCMP,” former wife Ali MacGraw was quoted as saying in a 1986 interview. Now this photo, taken by an anonymous source in a rural Canadian town, confirms that McQueen has been living his dream for the last three decades:

At 77, Sergeant McQueen is the oldest active member of the RCMP.

Judge Parker, 12/13/07

Let’s ignore for the moment the Magical MacGuffin brownies that are only going to disappoint us. Judging by the rather blurry appearance of Sophie in the background, she’s gotten tired of the constant mockery of her lilac pantsuits. Presumably, after carefully studying information she found on the subject on the Internet and making a detailed list of the pros and cons, she decided that it was time for her to experience puberty.

Family Circus, 12/13/07

Or you could just try opening your mouth, Billy. That ought to work pretty well.

For Better Or For Worse, 12/13/07

YES! GIRLFIGHT! GIRLFIGHT! GIRLFIGHT FOR ANTHONY AND FRANCIE’S LOOOOOOOVE! MOST POINTLESS GIRLFIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF GIRLFIGHTS!

Gil Thorp, 12/13/07

Oh my gosh, “Slow down!” That’s even one step beyond “Ease up”! Surely some terribly carnage is about to commence.

Sally Forth, 12/13/07

Goodness, it’s nice to see Ted Forth feeling better. He’s high on life! And possibly meth.