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Get his ass, Coach Kim

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Gil Thorp, 2/10/23

Huh, so I guess while Coach Martinez reigns supreme in football, in basketball he must answer to “Coach Kim,” who I assume his delivering his line here with gutting, icy disdain. The coaching hierarchy remains mysterious! Not exactly sure how Luke’s Thorbsession has led to today’s disastrous Valley Tech performance, though. Maybe the team had set aside one practice to master “not throwing the ball to the other team” but Luke never showed up because he was busy powerflexing in the mirror or something.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/10/23

Look, man, I don’t claim to know everything about the gender politics of Hootin’ Holler, but I feel like I’ve spent more time thinking about the worldbuilding of this strip generally than just about anyone else, and I’m confident in saying that the menfolk do not let their wives tag along on fishing trips. The whole point of the fishing trip is to create segregated homosocial spaces, and also avoid being nagged about not having a job. I refute this!

Pluggers, 2/10/23

I stared at this a long time wondering if pluggers think a turtleneck is like a backwards shirt, but I think the joke is just that pluggers’ necks are bigger now than they were 40+ years ago — or, in the case of the plugger on display here, that they now simply have no neck at all.

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Is a head assistant coach above or below an assistant head coach

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Gil Thorp, 2/8/23

Oh, hey, remember Emmett Tays, the former Milford football player who presented Gil with his major award and told a fun story about how he and Gil bonded over their abusive parents? Well, he’s received his compensation for leading the Gil-adulation, in the form of a assistant coaching job that pays, on the orders of Dr. Pearl, half of what our dearly departed Coach Kaz was getting, which definitely won’t eventually give rise to a discrimination lawsuit of any kind.

Judge Parker, 2/8/23

Look, I don’t participate in the pill-popping lifestyle so I’m unfamiliar with its folkways, but I have to think it doesn’t actually involve just shaking a prescription bottle in the general direction of your mouth and hoping the tiny, delicious pills end up in there, or at least within tongue range. Even Tommy from Mary Worth is smart enough to know that you put the pills in your hand first, and Tommy is not smart at all.

Dennis the Menace, 2/8/23

Dennis, unaware of the many baroque ways in which the human body can beging to malfunction as it ages, is about to learn that there will come a time when he won’t be able to poop, even if he wants to. Truly, the menace has become the menaced today.

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Wearing a beret and striped shirt and hitting people with a baguette would be a good wrestling gimmick, to be honest

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Gil Thorp, 2/3/23

My favorite thing about new-look Gil Thorp is that Gil now has a coaching enemy in Luke Martinez. Previously, all Gil’s animus was reserved for the media in the person of Marty Moon, while he and his bland rival coaches would just shake hands manfully at the end of games and trade respectful banter. Well, no more! Coach Martinez is, like Richard III, determined to prove a villain, and he really leans into it, like getting all singleted up and telling a wary group of teens about that time he absolutely pile-drived those French wimps who thought they could take him down. He also has an assistant whose full-time job is to monitor what Gil’s up to and keep Luke up to date on rivalry opportunities. Not sure what possible direction for this is funnier: that Coach Martinez might enter the Lift-A-Thon himself, raising money for the Milford athletics department and outraging the Valley Tech school board in the process, or if he just shows up in the crowd and tries to taunt Gil into herniating himself.

Dick Tracy, 2/3/23

I sincerely hope we never learn even a little about whatever Willie Lumpkin’s deal is. As far as I’m concerned, his whole life is just mopping the floor for Mr. Goodman, and if some cop comes in yammering about snipers and roof access, that’s none of his business. It broke up the monotony a little bit, but Tracy tracked in some dirt which means more mopping, so it’s all a wash, really.

Beetle Bailey, 2/3/22

Speaking of monotony, you eve think about how awful and boring existence as one of the supporting one-note characters in Beetle Bailey must be? Cookie’s whole deal is that he’s the cook, but he can’t taste anything, hasn’t been able to taste anything in years. That heart on his bicep used to be bright red, but now it’s fading to nothingness. Beetle can spare a single panel of open mouthed horror, but then he’s going to walk out the door and Cookie will be left alone again, endlessly stirring a pot of something orange that he’ll never be able to taste.