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Funky Winkerbean, 10/5/20

Hey, remember beloved (?) Funkyverse supporting character Adeela, an Iraqi (?) immigrant who forged an unlikely bond with Wally because they both have PTSD from the same (?) war? Welp, she’s getting deported now, because of a clerical error! Please, my sides just stopped aching from the time you burned down half of Los Angeles, you’ve got to give me some time to relax before you bring this level of laffs back to the newspaper.

Gil Thorp, 10/5/20

I’m woefully underqualified to judge the sports action in Gil Thorp, but … Curtis Charles and his Ballard opponent aren’t so much fighting for position as a potential touchdown pass is heaved their way as just kind of standing there and thinking “Huh, he threw the ball, whaddya know,” right? This really fits in with my firmly held belief that all the games within the Thorpiverse are in fact pretty boring to watch.

Dennis the Menace, 10/5/20

I’m really enjoying how much room Henry and Alice are putting between Dennis and themselves here. “This kid? The one who doesn’t seem to know even the basics of the religion we supposedly profess? Never seen him before, padre.”

The Lockhorns, 10/5/20

I say this with all due respect to The Lockhorns: you may be a longstanding comics page institution, but you do not occupy the same place in the comics world as Garfield and definitely do not have the resources necessary to survive a legal battle with Paws, Inc. I beg you to step back from this before it’s too late.

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Gil Thorp, 9/19/20

Good news, everyone! The annual Milford bonfire, which began in 2007 and faithfully recurred every single year over and over and over until it abruptly stopped, only to abruptly be revived last year, is back on its annual schedule. Sure, we don’t actually see any flames today, but the important thing is that we know it’s happening, and we’re sure seeing some sparks — namely, some dude seeing childhood pal Becca Ramirez in a whole new, presumably romantic, light; and newbie Corina Karenna thinking about arranging her own bonfire for the volleyball team, probably by burning down the school.

Pluggers, 9/19/20

Pluggers are hulking, monstrous chimeras, half man and half beast, and their bestial genes result in them towering over puny full-blooded humans. Obviously they can’t fit into normal cars, and it’s honestly insulting that you would even try to sell them one.

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Curtis, 9/9/20

It’s devastating when a relationship you thought was heartfelt turns out to be transactional, especially when it’s with your own child. Dennis the Menace could take master classes from this little fucker.

Gil Thorp, 9/9/20

Gil waves off an impending homicide. A man’s gotta commit to be this half-assed.

Heathcliff, 9/9/20

Heathcliff Moves On, part XLV. Cat’s gotta travel.

Luann, 9/9/20

The red crystal “attracts love,” for dumping in the fish tank. The blue one “emits peace,” for throwing at Luann.

I always feel better after my obligatory Luann post; it’s like walking out of the dentist’s office.

— Uncle Lumpy