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Hagar the Horrible, 4/1/21

Happy April Fool’s Day, everyone! Say, were you concerned that the creative team behind today’s Hagar the Horrible believed that an olive tree might realistically grow out of an olive left floating in a martini glass over a single evening? Well, rest assured: that little sign being held by a tentacle is here to let you know that this is just a seasonally appropriate jest, and we’ll be getting back to this strip’s ultra-realistic medieval Norse setting tomorrow. (The creative team also knows that squid and octopuses do not hold signs this way; the tentacle is itself a secondary April Fool’s joke.)

Crankshaft, 4/1/21

These two twins have been volunteering to help Lillian with the unpermitted bookstore she runs over her garage for years now, and they’ve finally won her trust enough that they can start scamming her. And good for them!

Mary Worth, 4/1/21

Well, now that we’ve established that dogs are good, I guess we can finally move forward to the next storyline, and … OH NO SAUL DID YOU LET HER SEE A HEADLESS BESUITED MANNEQUIN, this is going to trigger another panic attack and at least another six weeks of this plotline, please, we had almost made it out of this one

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Gil Thorp, 2/5/21

“Oh hey! What’s going on in Gil Thorp?” is the question that’s on the mind of a number of people that’s probably literally in the single digits, but all of those people read this blog, so I will do my best to keep them in the loop! Well, it turns out that Corina has a beef with Tessi Milton because Tessi never plays defense, and also is a shallow cool popular girl who probably doesn’t even notice that Corina has a beef with her; also, like all shallow cool popular girls everywhere, Tessi is a whiz at social media and such, and by extension has good ideas for raising the girls’ basketball team’s profile, and one of those ideas is getting Vic Doucette and his wacky antics on the PA system for the girls’ team too. But this has set up a dilemma! Should Vic take on the extra duties and impress a pretty girl? Or should he spend more time with his real friends, his “go-tos”, who are so important to him that they haven’t been seen or mentioned in this entire storyline so far? Once we’ve settled this, we can talk about how root bear should not cause severe jaundice, no matter how much of it you drink.

Hagar the Horrible, 2/5/21

So Helga thinks Hamlet needs to learn about … having sex with plants? I don’t want to judge about this foreign culture, but I’m not so sure about this one.

Marvin, 2/5/21

Ha ha, ladies be shopping, amiright fellas? And fellas … fellas be eating! Ladies presumably gain access to the nutrients they need via some other process. Is it shopping, maybe? We have our best fella scientists working on this and will report back when we know more.

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Hagar the Horrible, 1/29/21

Here’s a fun fact for you: many names that we think of as stereotypically Russian are actually derived from Old Norse, because the first Russian state was founded by Vikings who quickly assimilated into the Slavic culture of the people they ruled but left their marks in a number of ways, including in the names of the nobility, which eventually filtered down to ordinary people. For instance, Igor is derived from Ingvar and Olga is derived from Helga. What I’m trying to say here is that “Olga” is just Helga’s “bad girl” personality, and that Hagar used to enjoy this spicy role play but lately has been getting less and less into it.

Mary Worth, 1/29/21

“I thought, ‘In Santa Royale I’m not going to fall over. I’ll be safe!’ But I was a fool, Saul, a fool! They have gravity everywhere — even in Santa Royale!”