Archive: Hi and Lois

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Gil Thorp, 5/28/22

Welp, the gig (gigg?) is up for our boy Gregg, whose blindness was was discovered by Coach Thorp, and after briefly taking the position that, while he was willing to engage in an elaborate web of deception to fool the world, actually making use of reasonable accommodations for his disability would be a bridge too far, he quickly changed his mind and will be wearing a mask to protect him from the baseballs that will be flying at top speed towards his face, completely unseen. Mostly today I’m enjoying the Thorp’s post-coaching intimacy, with Mimi admiring both Gil’s manly yet caring mentoring style and his carrot-cutting skills (he’s going to slice off a finger roughly 0.5 seconds after he delivers his line in the final panel).

Hi and Lois, 5/28/22

What ever happened to romance? To mystery? All you have to do is look at Chip’s face to see how a red-blooded American teen reacts to a girl who “is straightforwardly interested in physical intimacy” or whatever. Thank god nobody else is in this theater to watch a women’s libber absolutely ruin this date, and also to apparently hear them talking at full volume during the movie.

Crankshaft, 5/28/22

Not only do I absolutely buy Crankshaft becoming obsessed with the minutia of property laws, I actually think this would be a great topic for a whole series of storylines. If we’re really lucky, he goes down an internet rabbit hole and becomes a sovereign citizen whackadoo. He’s going to spend hours at the diner scowling at Ralph and Keesterman, talking about how gold fringe on a courtroom flag means you’re being tried under admirality law and that means you don’t have to pay any property tax, while they wait for a terrible pun that never comes.

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Beetle Bailey, 5/27/22

I’m trying to figure out what “cave” would even mean in this context, in which they’ve clearly all been marching so long that it’s not like turning around and going back would do any good. Does “cave” mean … dying? Is Sarge going to march his soldiers out to the desert, to die, scolding them for dying all the while? You have to admit that this would be an extremely metal way for Beetle Bailey to end.

Hi and Lois, 5/27/22

Not sure exactly what’s going on here, but I would actually enjoy this if Hi had decided that this could be a simultaneously very ostentatious and very wholesome way to quit his job.

Mary Worth, 5/27/22

Damn, Dawn’s not even going to wait until she gets to the computer lab to start letting her eyes wander, huh? This dude looks like the strong, silent type who doesn’t know a single fact about mountain lions and if he did would politely keep it to himself unless asked about it directly.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/26/22

The only thing menacing here is that Dennis is six years old and should only have the vaguest idea of what “radio” is, and he certainly shouldn’t know that it had a pre-TV heyday. What is Mr. Wilson filling his head with on those constant next-door visits? Is he getting the poor boy hooked on nostalgia, the deadliest drug of all?

Hi and Lois, 5/26/22

Hi and Lois may have moved their family to the most white-bread suburb there is, but clearly they’ve been letting the kids get on the computer or something, and they’ve learned “ethnic” words and are now experimenting with “big city” foods. Is it time to go full Keane Kompound?

Mary Worth, 5/26/22

“So I can smother you with it while you sleep, Jesus Christ