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Mary Worth, 11/1/06

I’m sorry, it’s going to take more than Tommy waving around the world’s smallest bible to convince me that he’s decided to give up the exciting, glamorous world of methamphetamine addiction. I’d be a little more credulous if he weren’t holding the Good Book in his fingertips at arm’s length. He’s clearly using it as a prop to get dear old Mom to open her home to him once again upon his release, and is concerned that Jesus will see into his black heart and His written Word will burn the skin right off of his evil, evil hands. Since most bibles tend to be referred to as “holy” on their front cover (good marketing, that), I’m guessing this is a crude, handmade pamphlet that’s actually full of bootleg pornography.

The fact that Tommy’s eyes are the size of dinner plates makes it all the harder for me to believe that Christ is his anti-drug.

Some commentors have been remarking snarkily on Tommy’s hairstyle and what it might say about his position in the prison social hierarchy. I’d just like to point out to you newbies that Tommy has always rocked the scrunchie hardcore.

Bonus question: What the hell does that sign that’s partially blocked by Iris’ head in panel two say? “Cur”? “Fur”?

For Better Or For Worse, 11/1/06

I’m assuming that what’s happened here is that Shannon has proved that she’s plenty smart enough to disconnect the soundsystem, and that we’re going to learn some valuable lessons about how you should be nice to those less fortunate than you, and that industrial sabotage is totally OK if your bosses are jerks. But I’d like to believe that what the Lead Rectangular String Instrument player means is not that the power is out on their amps, but that due to Rebecca’s total bitchiness, they’ve, like, magically lost their sound, man, their groove, their mojo, that special something that’s made them Canada’s favorite teenage pop act. Then Rebecca will have to go on a magical journey to get her sound back, where she’ll find out the true meaning of music and friendship.

Check out the huge pile of bottled water cases in panel two. Makes you wonder what else is in Becky’s rider in terms of backstage goodies. (Insert your own “rider” joke here.)

Judge Parker, 11/1/06

You know, Judge Parker, I love homoerotic subtexts in serial comics more than just about anything, but I also like those subtexts to be at least thinly veiled. This isn’t even sporting for me.

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B.C., 10/31/06

KIDS TODAY! WITH THE BIG, BAGGY JEANS! THEY’RE SO HUGE! THEY LOOK THEY MIGHT FALL DOWN, AND SOMETIMES YOU CAN SEE THEIR UNDERWEAR EVEN! HOO! BAGGY PANTS! IT’S CRAZY! WHO WEARS THAT STUFF? THE KIDS! THEY’RE NUTS!

HOO!

Good times.

Actually, I do find it kind of funny that Peter (or whoever) is pulling up his … um … diaper … thing in the third panel. Also, kudos for not letting us know that we’re all going to hell on Halloween this year, Johnny.

Judge Parker, 10/31/06

Look at Abbey’s face in panel three: she’s thinking, “God-damned lucky bastard, at least he was.” Have you noticed how difficult it is for her to convince Sam to fulfill his marital obligations? They act like they can’t get it on if there’s anyone else at home, which is kind of strange considering they live in an enormous ranch with, like, outbuildings and such. I’m thinking that Randy isn’t the main “family values” liability to this campaign.

Momma, 10/31/06

This strip made me happy, for a brief moment, that Pluggers exists. Because if it didn’t, I probably would have seen this strip and thought, “Oh my God they want her to have sex with the freakish half-beast — that’s disgusting and horrifying!” But as it is, I just thought, “See, this is why you need to put ‘NO PLUGGERS’ very prominently in your personal ad.”

Mary Worth, 10/31/06

“Yeah, I’d say it went pretty well, seeing as I’m high as a fucking kite right now.”

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Mary Worth, 10/29/06

TOMMY’S COMING BACK! TOMMY’S COMING BACK! TOMMY’S COMING BACK!

Oh, let’s bask in the anticipatory Tommyness, shall we?

As noted, if you’re not already familiar with the gospel of Tommy, now’s the time to get ready for the hijinks. Start here and work your way forward chronologically.

Anyway, based on the sub-Crossing Over with John Edward chicanery on display here, I’m going to guess that Ella is not actually a psychic, but is a one of Tommy’s friends from the joint in drag, pulling some kind of scam over on dear old mom. It’s all going to end in tears and recriminations and basement meth lab explosions. I’m a very happy man.

Family Circus, 10/29/06

The sequence of dialog is important here. “If people see you they’ll know who we are!” “And we’ll miss out on any extra candy!” So, you give more candy to total strangers than to kids that you know? There’s only one possible explanation: Their neighbors hate them as much as we do.

Judge Parker, 10/29/06

Raju: Scholar. International traveller. Wrestling nutritionist. Renaissance man. Cockblocker.