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Apartment 3-G, 12/1/11

OMG you guys, it’s retro-fitted continuity in Apartment 3-G! A3G trufans know that way back in the mists of time (i.e., the ’60s) Lu Ann was married to fighter pilot Gary Powers, whose plane was shot down over Vietnam. I look forward to seeing how exactly this all is going to be wedged into the present-day action (for certain limited definitions of “present-day” and “action”) in the strip. Here are some fun facts if you want to feel old and/or bummed about how long America’s current various wars have been happening: if the strip is going to stick with the Lu-Ann-is-a-tragic-war-widow idea, it’s possible to keep this seven-year time frame and still have Gary killed in Iraq or Afghanistan! Hell, I was blogging about this damn strip seven years ago. Oh, God, I’ve wasted my life! (Ha ha, just kidding, time spent obsessing over the minutia of Apartment 3-G has earned me the love of millions and is time well spent, or SO I KEEP TELLING MYSELF.)

Luann, 12/1/11

So yesterday Brad got his job back because a firefighter named “Sanchez” moved to “Spain,” which didn’t seem worthy of comment, but I do feel compelled to make note of his unseemly joy. Although I generally recoil in disgust when Brad and Toni are physically affectionate, it’s just as well Toni smooches Brad into silence when she does, as there’s nothing he could follow up “when” with that wouldn’t be embarrassing. “See, I told you that I’d get my job back through deus ex machina, based on absolutely no effort of my own, if only I waited long enough! Good things happen when you think magically!”

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Luann, 11/26/11

Ha ha, you guys, aren’t Brad and Toni the best? I’m sure seeing Toni talk vaguely about marrying Brad won’t make you puke your guts out at all. Anyway, egged on by TJ, she’s come to announce that either the fire department will hire Brad back or she’ll quit, which, since Brad also quit his job, means that their married life together will start off great, in poverty. But don’t worry! She’s about to describe the awesome majesty of their love to her boss, which will magically increase the department’s budget enough to pay them both.

Family Circus and Dennis the Menace, 11/26/11

I have to admit that I kind of love both of these panels, mostly because they appear to contain precisely zero jokes between them. Dennis has been tricked into doing yard work with the promise of fun, and he resents it; Jeffy is too stupid to operate a sink. That’s all there is! And maybe I’m in an unnaturally good mood, even after reading Luann, but that’s enough for me today.

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Luann, 11/10/11

GOD DAMN IT DO I REALLY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT LUANN? FINE. So, here’s a thing I noticed about Luann: Check out how broad-shouldered and grim-faced and bad-ass Brad is looking in panel one there. Does it remind you of anything? Like, maybe the strip from last week where Toni strode off in triumph from WeenieWorld, after having physically threatened Brad’s boss?

Even the jacket is more or less the same! This probably means that “Brad” and “Toni” are actually two different aspects of the same individual’s personality. The question is, who’s the real one and who’s the delusion? I’m certainly hoping Toni is the projection, because really, who would want to make up Brad, even in their subconscious, gross.

Seeing that panel from last week in isolation also makes me realize that Anne is moonlighting at the mall as one of Santa’s elves, which means that her erratic behavior may be a result of stress brought on by overwork.

Hi and Lois, 11/10/11

Not wanting to know about the contents of your hot dog is actually a pretty good policy. Don’t worry, kids, there’s not much nutritive difference between “cow anus” and “turkey cloaca.” And turkey dogs are still chock-full of the delicious nitrates you love!

Apartment 3-G, 11/10/11

Ha ha, Lu Ann, Paul has already seen the wedding dress, since it was worn by his mother and all his sisters and sisters-in-law for every Linsky Compound wedding ever! It is probably all moldy and disgusting, like this one, but wearing it is an inviolable Tradition, just like the ceremonial head-shaving/lobotomy during the reception.

Spider-Man, 11/10/11

“Yup, I knew! But I still passed out and let myself be chained up anyway. Actually succeeding at something … it just didn’t feel like me, you know?”