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Mark Trail, 10/12/11

Hey, the gang’s back together again, and Kelly’s in full vixen mode: look how she line-jumps poor Andy to plant one on Mark. Kelly, you want to get with this guy, take a tip from Andy and use a lot more tongue.

Apartment 3-G, 10/12/11

“Yes, don’t forget his family — his creepy, intrusive, controlling family who will live right next door to you in New Jersey. Because I’m pretty sure they’re won’t forget you, what with the 24-hour surveillance and all.”

Family Circus, 10/12/11

Dolly, don’t taunt others for developmental conditions beyond their control. It sets a precedent you may regret.

Luann, 10/12/11

“Still other times I’d stand astride you with a whip shrieking ‘Grovel, worm!’ while you groveled, like a worm. Seriously, Knute — how are you not getting any of this?”

Fundraiser update

Bible Bird Bands for all contributions received by Tuesday 5:00 PM EDT are in the mail — First Class, just like you, generous readers! Once you’ve crafted yours into some uniquely personal objet or form of adornment, why not send Josh a picture for a future Metapost, at bio@jfruh.com?

In a brazen attempt to capitalize on the wave of Bible Bird Band enthusiasm sweeping the Internet, Audubon has teamed up with 20th Century Fox to promote the new birding movie The Big Year with a contest they call Birding the Net. In the words of the press release, “The game will go viral….” Whoa!

Well, no worm for you, Audubon! Wrong Century, 20th! The game have already gone viral, and the Net has already been birded by generous Comics Curmudgeon contributors! Check it out right here on GOOSETRAX — the fully-interactive Google Maps-based goose tracker. Double-click or use the slider to zoom in, click and drag to reposition, click icons to see their tags, and pull the little golden man onto the map to see Street View where available. No matter what your question, GOOSETRAX has your Anser.

GOOSETRAX (full details and Privacy Policy here.)

Put yourself on the map, with a generous donation to The Comics Curmudgeon!

Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits – a Fall Fundraiser special, part 3

Mark Trail — 11/22/06, 1/14, 2/25, 4/19, 5/21/08

— Uncle Lumpy

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Your comment of the week shortly, but, first a very important note from a faithful reader who (for obvious reasons) wishes to go nameless! I haven’t been covering Luann for a while, so you’ll have to trust me when I say that the long-simmering fight between Toni and Anne Eiffel for Brad’s squishy, passive love is proceeding apace! But what if it weren’t long-simmering? What if it were hot and fast and happening all at once? Wouldn’t you like Luann artist Greg Evans to draw that for you? Well, he has, on his blog. YOU’RE WELCOME EVERYBODY.

Aaaand now that you’re done contemplating that, why not contemplate the comment of the week?

“I don’t mean to get all legalistic, but Miranda warnings do not go with ‘today’s litigious society.’ What you really need is some joke combining ‘McDonald’s coffee’ and ‘poop.'” –Lawyerbob

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Seriously? A motor home? You can just do it right there in the barn, ya know. The horse ain’t gonna tell.” –Apeman

“That’s actually the North Beech diet, referring to a particular tree on Smith property. Its bark was Loweezy’s sole sustenance for three weeks. She lost 25 pounds and her upper lip, but then she switched to a sweetgum and packed it all back on.” –Walker of Dog

“Slylock picked the panda because the panda is totally okay with going six months without getting laid.” –commodorejohn

“Max Mouse is being viciously sexually harassed by that crab. Only the fish and seagull are horrified to see Max so mishandled; the dockworkers are indifferent, Slylock and his colleague are willfully unaware, the wolf and walrus are titillated, and the panda is too baked on eucalyptus to make his eyes converge on any one fixed point.” –A.E.F.

“Gramma Rose definitely has the high trousers fast talking routine down. What do you think about kids? What type of underwear are you wearing? Do you bathe in the nude? Who are you? Suppose to say I’m supposing. What do you mean by that! Well that’s just a fine set of crackers.” –Government Cheese

“Gasoline Alley: Where ugly people say pointless things. Forever.” –Lorne

“I really enjoy how far away Lois is from this man. ‘DITTO NEEDS SOME NEW SCHOOL CLOTHES! … NO, I SAID ‘DITTO’! MY SON! YES, HIS NAME IS DITTO! WHAT? I’M SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY OVER HERE! DON’T COME ANY CLOSER! I’M MARRIED!!!'” –Austria

“I’m not sure if the hallway to Petey and MJ’s apartment is higher than their floor (and with no step down, to boot), or if the newspaper is levitating. No wonder MJ has to strike such an awkward pose just to approach the paper. Could this be the work of Forced Perspective Man? ‘Ha ha! I will use my incredible powers of bending time and space to provide minor inconveniences to Spider-Man so that he will whine himself to death! My plan is perfect!'” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

Oh and also there is this long and amazing comment from longtime reader/commenting hero Master Softheart, which is not the first comment of his that made me say, “Gee, I wish I had written that.”

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Luann, 8/5/11

As promised (threatened?), Brad’s sexual harassment at the hands of sexy sex predator Anne Eiffel is now underway. This plotline will drive home the fact that sexual harassment is about abuse of power, not eroticism, because honestly, who would think erotic thoughts about Brad, especially in his little bow tie, it’s distasteful.

Also, aren’t Brad and Toni, like, really, officially a couple? Why can’t Brad bring himself to say she’s his girlfriend? Do you get fired for having a girlfriend, when you’re a member of Anne’s harem? KNOW YOUR RIGHTS, BRAD!

Hi and Lois, 8/5/11

Speaking of sexual harassment, I can’t really decide what the significance of this romantically forward fellow’s bizarre hairstyle and mustache is supposed to be. Is he a sleazy disco-era dude? A libidinous ethnic? Either way, it seems that the sexlessness of Hi and Lois’s marriage has not worked out as much in his favor as he might have hoped.

Pluggers, 8/5/11

Ha ha, don’t worry, pluggers, I don’t think there’s much danger of you suffering from a Ph.D.!