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Mark Trail, 3/9/17

“How is a tetanus shot going to help with bears?” is a great question, Mark, great question, but maybe we should back up a little bit and ask something more basic: how is Doc, who is a “Doc”-tor of Veterinary Medicine, going to get a tetanus shot for Mark, who is ostensibly a human? I know Lost Forest is pretty isolated, but I feel strongly the Trails should get their medical care from professionals who are trained to care for people, not animals. If you ever need a hookup for recreational horse tranquilizers Doc’s your guy, though.

Blondie, 3/9/17

Look on the bright side, kids: in this strip you’re two teenagers spending a lot of time and energy discussing newspaper comic strips, a which is not something anyone would ever stereotype teens doing in the year 2017!

Spider-Man, 3/9/17

As usual, I have more or less lost interest in Spider-Man as it goes through the motions of super-powered combat, but I do feel obliged to acknowledge when the strip comes up with a phrase such as “But now — my cosmi-rod is in position — to be activated!” that is a surefire way to ruin any sexual experience it’s uttered in the midst of.

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Mark Trail, 3/7/17

Normally this owl and this mouse would be involved in some epic predator-prey battle right now, but both are instead sitting absolutely still so they can hear every word of the hilarious conversation about this Water-World Theme Park Disaster that Cherry is indeed talking about.

Shoe, 3/7/17

Casually letting your boss know that you’ve been rummaging through the recycling bins behind your favorite lunch spot is a pretty passive-aggressive way of asking for raise, in my opinion.

Hi and Lois, 3/7/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Lois and Irma have learned to regulate their husbands’ mood swings with alcohol!

Marvin, 3/7/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because these babies are cognitively capable of figuring out why they have to smell each other’s shit all day but for some reason can’t figure out how to use a toilet!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/7/17

YUP, JUST A CIRCLE OF WOMEN DYING AND MEN ONLY COOKING FOR THEMSELVES WHEN WOMEN DIE

REAL CYCLE OF LIFE BUSINESS

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Mark Trail, 3/6/17

Mark Trail has had exactly three writer-artists in its 71-year existence — Ed Dodd, Jack Elrod, and James Allen — and Elrod and Allen both spent extensive periods assisting their predecessors before taking over the strip. Other soap strips have seen a higher turnover in syndicate-hired personnel, and I have it on good authority that, in the absence of organized archives, some of those writers resorted to using my blog’s archives for backstory on the strips they were taking over; but Mark Trail has institutional memory when it comes to the lore, man. That’s why the strip is able to casually bring back recurring characters like fecund Quebecker Johnny Malotte, who’s been around since at least the early ’50s. So even though I’ve been reading Mark Trail every day for the last 15 years and have never heard of Johnny Lone Elk (hmmm, Mark sure knows a lot of non-WASPy guys named “Johnny”), I have full confidence that the Water-World Theme Park Disaster was a real storyline that was published in newspapers, probably in the ’70s sometime, and was extremely hilarious. I am jazzed up for this next adventure, guys.

Hagar the Horrible, 3/6/17

I honestly love how Gus maintains his weirdly bug-eyed smiling expression even through Hagar’s blurted question in the third panel. You’d better believe there’s no ham sandwich, Hagar. There’s nothing Gus loves so much as blowing people’s damn minds.

Dick Tracy, 3/6/17

There are any number of hilarious things about this strip: The Spirit sleeps in his eye mask and white gloves! The Spirit has a bedside princess phone in his hotel! The Spirit thinks that a normal, comfortable way to talk on the phone is to lie face down on the bed and sort of rest the handset against the side of his head! Still, I’m a little disappointed that my initial interpretation of panel one, which as that the Spirit slept wearing a CPAP machine, turned out to be incorrect.

Slylock Fox, 3/6/17

Oh wow, it seems the colorists for today’s strip, in which notorious person of (green) color Count Weirdly implements an incompetent terrorist attack on a ceremony honoring law enforcement, have decided to suddenly portray him as Caucasian! Way to promote #whitgenocide, Slylock Fox.