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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/25/14

Oh, say, what’s been going on in Rex Morgan, M.D., Well, Rex has a meeting in a converted Prohibition-era booze stash-warehouse with a art forger in the employ of a mob widow to discuss his five-year-old daughter’s lucrative career, and they’re eating pastrami sandwiches off of silver serving trays, in a scenario that I’m not making up even a little bit. Anyway, I am very much enjoying how our ethically shady art teacher is framing Sarah’s skills. “Look, she’s pretty good at painting, but the key thing is that she’s very competitive. She doesn’t like it when people are better than her. Or speak ill of her, in even the mildest way. Those people will be either defeated or destroyed. Enjoy this life while you can.”

Mark Trail, 11/25/14

Oh ho, you like to read Mark Trail “for the articles,” eh, sinister chemical company owner? Maybe you’ll sing a different tune when you find out Mark has taken his shirt off to talk to you! Seriously, guys, I honestly have no idea how to deal with New Sexy Mark Trail, please send help.

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Mark Trail, 11/18/14

Did Mark almost get eaten by a bull shark last week? Yep! Did I completely ignore it? Sure did! Am I only revisiting today’s strip because Mark and Cherry are again lounging around sexily in sexy bathing suits? Heck yeah! Guess who has several beautiful areas? Mark and Cherry Trail, that’s who! Sure wouldn’t want to do any mining near them and spoil their “natural beauty,” nudge wink. This a Chastely Erotic Mark Trail Fanblog until further notice. (Further notice will come when Mark punches somebody.)

Mary Worth, 11/18/14

Mary Worth, meanwhile, is not so much chastely erotic as frankly erotic. This elderly pair sure aren’t wasting any time! Why bother going out and wasting precious oxygen and Social Security money at some fancy restaurant when you could just go right to Sean’s apartment and have him “make you a mean tuna sandwich,” if you know what I mean? I mean he’s going to make her a tuna sandwich, you perverts. Old people love tuna sandwiches, they’re nutritious and they don’t take much chewing. They’re totally gonna have crazy sex after they eat, though.

Apartment 3-G, 11/18/14

Margo’s free! Free to do whatever she wants, without interference or emotional entanglements of any sort! I certainly hope that one of the many things her assistant Sam has on his plate is the role of pretending to be Margo when talking to Gabriella, presumably by wearing a bun-wig and talking in a falsetto.

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Spider-Man, 11/7/14

The current Spider-Man plot is wrapping up with a delicious slab of exposition, and for me the hero of the hour is the cop in panel three, rubbing his head and looking immensely self-satisfied for no discernable reason. “So do we lock ’im up — or give ’im a medal? Eh? Eh? Moral ambiguity?”

Funky Winkerbean, 11/7/14

The Scapegoat football team is in the championship game! And Head Coach Bull Bushka is … offering a bribe to the ref? He appears to be offering a bribe to the ref.

Mark Trail, 11/7/14

OH MY GOD CHERRY HAS CLEAVAGE AND A NAVEL AND MARK HAS NIPPLES AND MUSCULAR FOREARMS WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE

Say, wasn’t … wasn’t Rusty going to go on this adventure at some point? stay belowdecks, Rusty, hide your eyes, you mustn’t see