Post Content

Mark Trail, 6/14/08

Ever since Roger appeared with his little pencil mustache, the odds were good that he was going to get punched; but what would his transgression be? Now it’s becoming clear: he’s going to try to put the moves on Cherry! Whether it’s because the sight of her pink shirt and mom jeans and essential purity has inflamed his passions or because he and Kelly are engaged in some elaborate and sinister game of “good porn producer, bad porn producer,” only time will tell, but clearly villainy is afoot here.

I know we’re supposed to be outraged on behalf of the Trail household at Kelly’s big-city sneering, but you have to admit that the scene is kind of rustic, and the hosts aren’t exactly up on what constitutes hospitality, if panel three is any indication. “Lunchtime, everyone! Here’s a big bowl of ice! Go on, eat up, I’ll make more!” On the other hand, the ice may have been requested by Kelly and Roger for their movie, possibly for genital-cooling purposes.

Marmaduke, 6/14/08

Hey there Baldy McNeighbor, you look pretty smug for someone who’s about to be devoured by an enormous, hungry dog.

For Better Or For Worse, 6/14/08

You mean everyone who comes is going to get really high and end up encrusted with filth? If only, kids.

Pluggers, 6/14/08

You’re a plugger if nearly everybody you grew up with is dead.

Post Content

Family Circus, 6/10/08

Congratulations to the Family Circus for providing the most stomach-turning visual image of the day. Usually I think the limited palate used to colorize the King Features strips detracts from their visual impact, but there’s no question in my mind that that’s exactly the right shade of brown to use to instill total revulsion into the hearts of right-thinking people everywhere. With the lint on the side, it actually looks like Jeffy has a shrunken head on a stick. The little droplet of extra brown coming off the side in particular will be featuring into my nightmares.

Apartment 3-G, 6/10/08

Like so many artists before him, Alan is proving to be a remarkably inept businessman. I love his look of shock and disgust in the second panel as he contemplates the arrival of people who actually want to buy what he’s selling. Hey, Alan, who did you think was going to buy your “rock,” hedge fund managers and mid-level British aristocracy? He’s about to learn a hard lesson, which is that when you deal crack, you end up having to deal with crackheads.

Gil Thorp, 6/10/08

It’s painfully obvious that Elmer and his “BFF” Branden have run off together to get married so as to fix the former’s immigration situation, so I won’t dwell on that (except to note that, based on the experiences of friends and family who have wed Canadians, it does not work like that anymore [if it ever did] so please don’t try this at home). Instead, I feel a need to focus on Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp’s clothes. More specifically, what the hell is going on with her clothes? She seems to be wearing some kind of belted one-piece collared-dress-coullotte number, which, I feel, would be a bad fashion choice if such a thing actually existed, which I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/10/08

I’d like to say that “What makes you think I know anything about them?” is one of the most reasonable possible answers to “I need to know what happened to the old wrestling mats at Hamilton Middle School!” We also would have accepted “Wrestling mats? What the hell are you talking about?” But panel three shows why our be-soul-patched miscreant was so quick to flee the man he thought was a cop: he’s obviously incapable of standing up to even the gentlest level of interrogation. “Hey … is this about the kid that was smothered to death by those wrestling mats and then his body was thrown in the river? Wait, MRSA? What’s that? Oh, un, then never mind about the first thing.”

Mark Trail, 6/10/08

Ha ha, Cherry, it’s all well and good that you want to stand on your own, but I’m not sure that you’ve noticed that you have a vagina. The fact that Kelly Welly is similarly endowed and yet manages to function without a male guardian is the main reason why Mark and Doc find her so unsettling. But, you, my dear, are no Kelly Welly. In fact, I think you’re about to accidentally stick your hand into that pot of boiling water.

Six Chix, 6/10/08

Hey, everybody, here’s today’s Six Chix! It’s about chickens fucking.

Post Content

Monday night is COTW time ’round these parts, but I have a couple of items of possible interest to you before we get to that. First off is this awesome pic from faithful and very pregnant reader Jennifer, preparing to train her baby in the ways of Mark Trail by means of an Official Fist o’ Justice T-shirt!

Jennifer sent me this picture a couple of days ago, so for all I know she could be giving birth RIGHT NOW! Anyone in range of that Trailian fist, know this: When she says she wants the pain meds, you give her the pain meds. And once the kid’s arrived, don’t forget, Jennifer: there’s an infant version available!

Also! You may recall that a few days ago that Jamaal of Herb and Jamaal, in his litany of signs of his alienation from his fellow man, made passing reference to “no blog replies.” Faithful reader Mike Podgorski took this to the logical next step, and created A “Blog” About Things, in which Jamaal can finally find his voice. Sadly, there are very few comments as of yet, no doubt reinforcing the big lug’s self-loathing. Mike is also the man behind the Amazing Spider-Blog, which focuses on Spidey’s inane newspaper adventures; I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it here before, but it definitely deserves a look!

And now, without further ado — it’s COTW TIME!

“Poor Toby — wandering aimlessly around the Hotel California-like environs of Charterstone, sentenced to a pointless existence as a beard for her bear of a husband, deriving sad pleasure from meddling in the stilted courtship ritual of two senior citizens. I make it sound more interesting than it really is.” –trey le parc

This comment was painstakingly selected from our almost-as-funny finalists:

“This week’s Rex Morgan plot seems like the world’s most complicated teen-STD lesson. ‘You know, kids, every time you wrestle on a mat, it’s like you’re wrestling with everyone who’s ever wrestled on that mat before.'” –BigTed

“After Rex talks to the security guard, he meets June and Carol in the gym! I do not think that warrants exclamation marks! But we’re getting them anyway!” –Bootsy

“Alan is quite the foppish crackhead. ‘Now, to abscond with my purloined bills and beat a hasty path to the door of that rakish purveyor of contraband pharmaceuticals. My central nervous system shall be well and truly stimulated within the hour.'” –Ned Ryerson

“I’m willing to endure as many ‘Look at all the shoe stores — no wonder they call it Broads-way!’ and ‘There’s too many minorities!’ jokes as Batuik and Ayers can throw my way as long as this storyline holds the remote possibility of Crankshaft getting mugged. It will be a fitting end to his RAPIER WIT. Because he’ll be stabbed. Repeatedly.” –Fat Charlie

“Of course, Ron’s ‘good news’ is he’s re-evaluated his life thanks to Mary’s sage council and he’s getting back together with his ex. Now Mary gets to taste the bitter tea leaves of poetic justice, spritzed lightly with the acerbic lemon of irony.” –A Lemur

“I’ve finally figured out what Frank Bolle’s A3G artwork reminds me of: the illustrated emergency exit instructions you find in airplanes. No matter how dire the straits of the dope-addled junkie, he exhibits the vacant smile and pressed collar of a mannequin in a Macy’s catalog.” –minor flood

“I think Margo set the Wedding March to play when Tommie calls, with the dual purpose of cruelly mocking the hapless redhead and reassuring herself that she is not actually the MOST pathetic person in the universe.” –Violet

[In response to speculation that Margo wants to get married because her biological clock is ticking]: “Sadly, sperm shriek and kill themselves at the thought of entering Margo’s uterus and the horrible, naked, ringless egg that awaits them. The hardier ones actually refuse to leave their host, clinging to whatever they can, preferring the relatively merciful death by post-coital urination to the horrors that lie Over There.” –Paul1963

“‘Grassroots political activities’ = ExxonMobil astroturf campaign, from the looks of that haircut.” –BCist

“I suppose it’s a tired point, but Judge Parker should really be retitled Sexy People Doing Boring Things.” –Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator

“It would be the greatest thing ever should Grampa Jim pull a Farley at the Granthony-Lizardbreath nuptials. Which, of course, must go on while Deanna (who gets all the icky jobs, like being married to Michael) has to wheel the body out.” –Mac

And we must conclude by giving thanks to two very important groups: those who put some money in the tip jar, and our advertisers:

• Hip & Handmade!: Shana LOVES people who are independent thinking, unique, artistic, and never too old to have fun! Shop ShanaLogic.com for handmade jewelry, hot apparel, gear for guys, unusual plushes, and more!
• The secrets of the quest: The quest is under way. Some puzzles have been solved, but greater challenge lies ahead. Show resolve, and you could find great reward. $100,000 in treasure awaits. Join if you dare. Many will try. One will succeed.
• CAN’T ANYONE BEAT HIM: Michael Beaudoin wins $25,000 in [DELETED] contest. Now he’s at it again — going for a second win in Budget Rent a Car’s Flip for Budget $25,000 video contest! Tell us: IS HE UNSTOPPABLE?

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.