Archive: Mark Trail

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Dick Tracy, 12/15/19

Yesterday we learned that Splitface, who used to be Haf and Haf and who also used to work as a carny, also used to work at the zoo, and this alligator, to whom he intends to feed all of our heroes, is an old pal from the carny days. For a strip that generally rushes through things and doesn’t really supply a lot of motivation for what characters do, we’re getting, like, too much backstory on Splitface and his relationship with various reptile co-workers for my taste, honestly. Hey, did you know he used to be Haf and Haf? True story.

Mark Trail, 12/15/19

So it turns out that yeti do in fact whistle, so Mark probably heard one last night, which revelation has caused Dr. Camel’s mighty, braying laugh to echo off of the distant Himalayas! Anyway, I have fully forgotten what Genie’s deal is, since she first showed up spouting fun Kathmandu facts. Like is she Dr. Camel’s longtime assistant, who has finally come round to being sick of his shit, or is this expedition her first experience with him, in which case she’s gotten sick of his shit fairly quickly? I guess the important, and hilarious, thing is that she and Mark have become visibly sick of his shit more or less at the exact same time.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/15/19

God knows I would almost never take the side of a Funkyverse character doing wordplay, but I dearly wish Becky would say, “Hey, man, didn’t you go ironically deaf and quit as band director more than ten years ago? Pretty sure ‘music director’ was a make-work job they came up with to ease you into retirement and you’re supposed to be puttering around the Board of Education offices downtown, not sitting at a desk immediately behind me for no good fucking reason, right here, in the band room, during band practice, which, I can’t emphasize enough, you can’t hear well enough to be helpful.”

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Blondie, 12/10/19

There’s a fleeting, poignant little moment embedded in an already emotionally fraught scene in It’s A Wonderful Life that I think about a lot. After George has gone to Martini’s and ends up coming to blows with Mr. Welch, the husband of the teacher George has just berated for no reason over the phone, Martini throws Welch out of the bar and in the process declares that George is “his best friend,” which, c’mon, we all know that George thinks of Martini as nothing more than one of the Savings and Loan’s more colorful and ethnic shareholders and has literally never done anything social with him outside of the bar. Anyway, I’d like to imagine that It’s A Wonderful Lasagna is a remake where George and Martini really are best friends, and at the end of the movie the Baileys head down to Bailey Park to enjoy a delicious homemade lasagna that Mrs. Martini has prepared. Would that be great? Martini probably would think so, though George would no doubt prefer to stay on the nice side of town and eat unseasoned roast chicken or whatever the solid citizens of Bedford Falls think of as haute cuisine.

Mark Trail, 12/10/19

Do yetis whistle? Is whistling part of yeti lore? Does anyone remember that this storyline is supposed to be about yetis? I’VE PUT UP WITH A LOT OF BULLSHIT HERE AND I WANT TO SEE A DAMN YETI

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Pluggers, 12/5/19

Finally, folks, finally, at long last, Pluggers has weighed in on the trend of wearing baggy pants that sag low enough to expose your underwear, the trend that (according to the impressively detailed and cited Wikipedia article) began over 20 years ago in the mid 1990s, long enough ago that many who were young and hip when it started have since aged into pluggertude, long enough ago that the trend has had time to mostly peter out and then be revived, and here is what Pluggers has to say about it: pluggers simply do not care for it. They do. not. care. for. it. Congratulations, Pluggers, on producing possibly the least surprising Pluggers panel in the entire history of this feature.

Mark Trail, 12/5/19

IMPORTANT NATURE TIP FROM MARK TRAIL: Does it feel like it’s gotten colder? This may be because of a change in the seasons or natural temperature variation; but it’s also possible that you’ve moved to a higher elevation. Be sure to stay vigilant and aware of your surroundings!