Post Content

Mary Worth, 12/21/13

Oh my goodness you guys, in a totally unforeseeable development Ken Kensington has fallen for Mary Worth! Just another moth of a certain age drawn helplessly to her flame, soon to discover that it gives off light but no emotional warmth. In panel two, though, we can see that he’s still holding out hope, and is closing his eyes tightly and concentrating intently in an attempt to make her fall in love with him with his mind. Probably won’t work, but kudos for trying?

Gil Thorp, 12/21/13

I can’t tell you how much the narration box in panel three bothers me. Clearly it should be either “Meanwhile” or “In the meantime”, right? But I guess that would add between one and six characters, and we simply don’t have time for that, since we need to get to this gripping thrill-ride plot where some guy we may or may not have met before looks up things on the Internet that he acknowledges most people know already.

Marvin, 12/21/13

Marvin’s cousin has always served as a tightly controlled and regimented foil to Marvin’s slovenly, loosey-goosey ways, if you get what I’m talking about. (If you don’t, I’m talking about their personality, and also, in a Freudian sense, about pooping.) Anyway, today’s installment furthers the strip’s blatant pro-pants-crapping agenda by showing the terrible price of not being a complete gross slob: constant anxiety about your subconscious being monitored for virtue by mysterious figures with the power to reward and punish.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 12/16/13

Oh goodie, Mary is hitting the “NEW YORK IS THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD” fugue state many visitors achieve when they’ve been there for a few days, assuming they haven’t been permanently turned off by the density or the people or the smell. Look at how blissfully happy she is shoving that delicious cheese ’n’ grease triangle into her grinning teeth in panel one! We all know she won’t have the nerve to actually up and move to New York, but look for her to sigh theatrically and talk about how everything in Santa Royale is so lame compared to New York for weeks after she gets back. (She’ll be right.)

Marvin, 12/16/13

I guess “Elf Marvy” is supposed to be Marvin’s dream elf name, à la Hermey the Elf from the Rankin-Bass Rudolph special? Or maybe “Marvy” is just the cool nickname that he’s always wanted but nobody will give him, because it has the same number of syllables as “Marvin” and also nobody likes him enough to give him a nickname. Anyway, Marvin this week will be relentlessly hammering home some dumb joke where Santa Claus becomes one of the Duck Dynasty people, so brace yourself for that.

Heathcliff, 12/16/13

I’m not sure what possible interpretation of this cartoon is more unsettling: that Heathcliff is going to fuck this cupcake, or that he’s going to eat it, with the visual tropes of romance being a metaphorical lead-in to eating it.

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/11/13

All the top etiquette experts agree: If you gave one of your dinner guests a handjob in high school, it’s best to bring it up as early in the evening as possible, to get any potential awkwardness out of the way.

Gasoline Alley, 12/11/13

Ha ha, look at Slim’s horrified thousand-mile stare! “I never thought any of the children would do … that … on my lap, and yet it keeps happening — again, and again and again…”

Marvin, 12/11/13

Marvin is just now realizing that he’s a literal demon from hell.

Mary Worth, 12/11/13

“I could take a black and white picture of all these black and white pictures! It’d be ‘self-referential’ or ‘metatextual’ or whatever bullshit the kids are saying these days.”

Momma, 12/11/13

I’m preeeeettty sure that Francis has knocked some girl up.

Heathcliff, 12/11/13

BUT HEATHCLIFF

BIRDS DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY

THE ONLY FLAW IN YOUR PERFECT PLAN