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Mary Worth, 3/4/19

After Estelle’s cavalcade of awful no-good dates, I was beginning to think that maybe Silverdater profiles just didn’t have pictures? You know, because so many old people believe that cameras capture and imprison your soul or whatever. But, nope, I guess she looked at all those other dudes and said “sure,” or, conversely, was bamboozled by their misleading photos and yet still believes “Arthur Z” is the silver fox she’s seeing on her off-brand tablet. Anyway, “Arthur Z”: not real, right? That’s a model from a denture catalogue badly photoshopped onto a picture downloaded from the Wikipedia article for Tahiti? And “Arthur”’s gonna ask for money, via an international wire transfer? I’m excited!

Gil Thorp, 3/4/19

Hey, can we talk about Marty’s boots? Specifically: what the heck is the deal with Marty’s boots? I mean, I don’t doubt Marty Moon is a man who allows himself the little boost you get from a subtly raised heel, but, like, how far up the leg do they go? Are they cowboy boots? Shiny black leather cowboy boots? Marty has vanquished B/Robby and it’s only Monday, so presumably he’ll spend the rest of the week gloating, possibly while spinning around gleefully in his chair, so maybe we’ll get to see some different angles on them.

Marvin, 3/4/19

Honestly, I don’t think it’s possible for Marvin to be more on-brand than this strip, in which the title character’s exhausted mother stares at her son, eyes heavy-lidded, trying to convince him that, actually, someday he’ll enjoy shitting in a toilet instead of his pants, while he glares back at her in open defiance.

Dennis the Menace, 3/4/19

Truly excellent menacing today, Dennis. Nostalgia is a trap! Wallowing the the idealized “good old days” blinds you to the true scope of history and cuts you off from progress!

Pluggers, 3/4/19

See, Pluggers gets it! (The whole point of Pluggers is that when you relate to one of the panels, that’s how you know you’re dying, right?)

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Blondie, 2/21/19

As with most legacy comics, there are many strips in Blondie where the underlying vibe is that the kids today suck, but in today’s installment that seems to have become the “joke” itself. Millennials! You give them a promotion and they just want to party, with your money!!! Thank god the computer nerds will soon replace them all with robots, amiright??? It’s absolutely wild that Dagwood, for whom napping on the job is literally a solid 25% of shtick, is looking gobsmacked at the reader with a “can you believe it?” facial expression in the final panel.

Marvin, 2/21/19

So, yes, we’ve been having fun with the visual joke of “a fire hydrant is the dog equivalent of a toilet!” for, I dunno, probably the better part of a century, but … we all know that when dogs pee on things, they do it from, like, several inches away, right? They don’t touch the thing they pee on? So it doesn’t matter how cold the thing is? I know this is a weird question for Marvin, the most piss-obsessed strip there is, but: has anyone involved in the production of this comic actually seen a dog pee?

Pluggers, 2/21/19

Pluggers’ cars break down all the time, and they don’t have any actual friends.

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Marvin, 2/17/19

I know the joke here is that Jeff is swearing continuously while shoveling but has to briefly stop while his son is within earshot so he doesn’t pass on any bad habits. But honestly, the more realistic scenario is that Jeff is doing that innocent whistling thing as he pretends not to notice that Marvin — who, remember, is a toddler who should probably be supervised at all times — is just wandering past him and trudging out into the icy winter landscape, presumably to his death.

Panel from The Lockhorns, 2/17/19

I really appreciate the point-of-view we’re getting in this panel. It’s as if we’re being invited to imagine what the Lockhorns’ home would seem like through the eyes of something in their refrigerator: long hours of silence and darkness, punctuated by brief moments where you get a glimpse of them attempting to passive-aggressively wear one another down emotionally.

Spider-Man, 2/17/19

MJ’s coup de grâce seems to be based on the assumption that if they can’t see Killgrave, he will no longer be a threat. Soon our heroes will face their most powerful foe yet: object permanence.

Mary Worth, 2/17/19

Ah, so Toby is explaining to Ian that he shouldn’t get too fixated on any one attractive young woman who says nice things about him, because probably there are lots of attractive young women who are lusting after him all the time! Can’t see anything going wrong with this plan.