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Mary Worth, 8/26/18

Man, maybe I’m a bad person for seeing a sincere, chipper, bright-eyed recovering substance abuser telling his lovely girlfriend on the beach “And I don’t hate myself anymore!” and enjoying my most honest laugh in weeks. But if you’ve read this blog all these years and not known what kind of person I am, well, that’s on you, I guess. Anyway, long story short, there’s no word in the English language to describe how extremely healthy and durable this relationship is going to be!

Mark Trail, 8/26/18

Hey, kids, do you think that plants are boring? Tell that to fuckin’ hogsbane, a 14-foot-tall invader that, if you try to kill it, will blind you by spraying you with its poison blood. No wonder Mark doesn’t even crack a half-smile in today’s strip! We must kill all plants, everywhere, until we can be sure that we’re safe.

Dick Tracy, 8/26/18

So Dick Tracy is doing a two-week “minit mystery” with a guest artist. It’s a locked room mystery in which the real Dick Tracy has to solve the murder of a guy cosplaying as Dick Tracy, and all the suspects are people cosplaying as Dick Tracy villains, which I think is a pretty good metaphor for how far up the ass of its own lore this strip has gotten in general.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/26/18

I’m enjoying today’s Funky Winkerbean, in which the title character allows himself a brief smile when he believes that his mother-in-law has finally, blessedly died, only to scowl when he realizes she’s just dozed off.

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The Lockhorns, 8/21/18

Look, I get that Loretta wants an excuse to cut off all physical contact with Leroy. She should’ve probably done it years ago, honestly. I just don’t see why she has to use some imperceptible change in the dimensions of his as always vaguely blobbish body as a supposed inciting incident.

Mary Worth, 8/21/18

Ahhh, another Mary Worth storyline wraps up, and all’s well that end’s well, just in time for the end of the we[checks calendar]oh dear God do we have four more days of middlingly chaste beach cuddling to look forward to????

Mark Trail, 8/21/18

WELP, THIS MARK TRAIL HAS GOTTEN TO A PLACE WHERE SOMEONE IS YELLING AT RUSTY FOR BEING TOO HORNY, TIME TO DIE I GUESS

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Six Chix, 8/17/18

The best thing about today’s Six Chix is the knowing smile on the bartender’s face. She’s thinking, “Heh heh, this guy’s right, and it’s great to work in a place where you get the ‘inside scoop’ from people who can provide insights you might not have thought of yourself!” The worst thing is everything else, it’s a horror-nightmare in which gigantic, sloppy-drunk fly-monster from some hell-dimension is yelling out of its uncanny proboscis at the television about one of the current administration’s dumber ongoing storylines.

Mark Trail, 8/17/18

Oh, hey, remember earlier this week when I couldn’t remember who Becky was? Well, it turns out she’s Dr. Carter’s assistant, who we all thought was a diligent archaeologist who insisted on cataloging every artifact they discovered for future scientific study, but in fact is running an artifact smuggling ring! I mean, if you consider walking ten feet away from a tour group in a different temple than the one you found the artifacts in and then pulling an ancient artifact out of a sack and handing it to some other dude who also has a sack a “ring.”

Mary Worth, 8/17/18

Haha, check out Brandy’s face! That is definitely 100% the face of someone who completely believes in her boyfriend and believes in us too! Yep, gonna be smooth sailing from here on out.

Crankshaft, 8/17/18

If you ever wonder what it’s like running the most popular newspaper comics blog on the internet, imagine looking at this Crankshaft comic and thinking to yourself, “Is there a joke here? Is it supposed to be character-driven, like we’re supposed to have enough of a feel for Max’s personality that we think it’s funny he did this? Or maybe it’s … wordplay of some kind,” and then you say the phrase “Max Axelrod loves my arugula” out loud, to nobody, in your home office, multiple times, and finally you just throw it up on your website and say I DUNNO, MAN