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Apartment 3-G, 8/22/15

I just want to emphasize, again, that the Tibetan storyline being spottily rehashed here ran six years ago, long enough that most non-obsessive readers have probably forgotten and/or died, and so you really have to wonder what someone who has no idea what’s going on would make of “The Tibetan nuns saved my life, Tim. Imagine Margo’s pain!” Though, honestly, who couldn’t imagine Margo’s pain as a bunch of non-Margo ladies try to muscle in on her man? Vows of chastity, shmows of chastity; only Margo gets to nurse Margo’s almost-fiance back to health, capisce?

The Lockhorns, 8/22/15

Loretta sure has been talking a lot about the end of human civilization lately, and really, who can blame her? Obviously she and Leroy haven’t been able to muster the strength to end their awful hell-marriage, but maybe, just maybe, an apocalyptic event will do the work for them. Today she imagines the Machines who will replace us: a cleaner, better race, not causing each other endless pain with twisted, malformed emotions. They have no ability to love, but no ability to twist love around into hate, either.

Wizard of Id, 8/22/15

This might seem awful petty on the King’s part, but remember, Jesus once smote a tree that annoyed him, so it’s not like there isn’t precedent. Sorry trees! It’s open season on trees!

Mary Worth, 8/22/15

The only thing dumber than sitting right up front at your boss’s endless lecture when you might have to sneak out before he’s done is sitting right up front at your boss’s endless lecture and staring at your watch with an expression of really theatrical irritation.

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Mary Worth, 8/21/15

One of the complaints about the modern-day movie industry is that studios don’t seem to produce midrange movies anymore; everything is either a tiny indie film made on a shoestring or a huge blockbuster action movie or broad comedy. Mary Worth, as usual, steps up to fill the market that Hollywood is ignoring. Sure, the strip provides big hits like Aldomania or Wilbur’s Illegitimate Not-Son; but it also provides smaller, quieter, but still utterly engrossing plots like Ian Kisses Up To His Boss And Toby Remembers She’s An Artist And They Seethe At Each Other About It. I am hooked and I am not ashamed to admit it!

Anyway, today we learn that Toby’s art show, which features a range of greyscale blobs and quadragons, is downtown, and I’m really glad to see the local artist community is helping gentrify a neighborhood that used to be a dangerous hellhole. Maybe it’ll soon be safe enough for even Mary to go there! Meanwhile, Ian realizes that he’ll have to choose between sitting through a boring and presumably outdated lecture from Hilton Berkes about whatever subject he used to specialize in before he took a cushy administrative job and going to Toby’s show and hopefully seeing that warrior in the background of panel once coming to life and murdering everybody.

Heathcliff, 8/21/15

Heathcliff sure had been into surfing jokes lately, huh? Yes, what if a cat were a surfer. And some aliens saw him. And the aliens were also surfers. That would be truly radical, and also whimsical, would it not? God, this makes me exhausted just looking at it.

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Apartment 3-G, 8/20/15

Welp, looks like I was right! Eric is indeed Margo’s long-thought-dead almost fiance. This is a potentially fascinating plot point from 2009-era Apartment 3-G, which is too bad because this is 2015-era Apartment 3-G so it’ll just lie there like a dead fish and go nowhere. Probably there won’t be any details revealed! Why did Tim grieve for Margo? Did he live in the avalanche but everyone else in the world died? It would explain a lot about the ghostly, dream-like quality of life in this strip.

Mary Worth, 8/20/15

Mary Worth, though! Mary Worth is a strip that continues to fire on all cylinders, awesome as ever. Behold, Toby sullenly dumping milk onto a plate full of Splak® brand breakfast slurry! Gasp as Ian appears to absent-mindedly wrench the refrigerator door from its hinges with the strength of his lowland gorilla kin! Ahhhhh yeah, that’s the stuff.

Spider-Man, 8/20/15

This dialogue could be construed as light-hearted teasing but, the facial expressions make it clear that this is some high-level spider-dickery going on right now. “I’m disappointed about how foolish you were to be jealous of the Black Widow. Your failure to trust me totally absolves me retroactively of any guilt I should feel over all the times I had sex with her!”