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Phantom, 9/13/24

The AI-powered Avarice bot learns from the creatures around it and imitates their behavior! It won’t be long before it’s hoarding priceless relics, lording it over the natives, and acting like a dick to the Jungle Patrol!

Zits, 9/13/24

Jeremy achieves Singularity with a polite, considerate, relatable AI version of himself. But I call shenanigans: there’s no way the AI learned those behaviors by training on the Internet.

Rhymes with Orange, 9/13/24

Oh c’mon everybody knows commercials are for looking at your phone.

Gil Thorp, 9/13/24

My only connection to football is a vestigial fondness for the Green Bay Packers from the dairyland of my birth. But in the words of our compatriots over at This Week in Milford, what the hell is going on here? Green Team’s QB is passing left but Milford’s defenseman intercepts it on the right. Did our point of view cross the line in panel two? And where’s the runback? Anybody looking to disprove the General Relativity theory of space-time should fire a couple electrons into Gil Thorp.

Sherman’s Lagoon, 9/13/24

Fillmore sits in homage to his idol Truck Tyler, waiting for inspiration. Sadly, Hawthorne’s assaults will cause his pickin’ finger to lock up.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/13/24

All that bullyin’ don’t sit well with Truck, who knows a thing or two about sittin’.

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And just a reminder that there are no Comments of the Week on my watch, so 2+2=7’s gem will ride up there for at least another week.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Gearhead Gertie, 9/12/24

Those are legit NASCAR car‑and‑driver number flags. Of course they are; this is Gearhead Gertie. But if Gertie is a fan of more than a third of the field, can she really claim to be a fan at of any individual team? (Tip: don’t ever tell a NASCAR fan it’s not a team sport.) Does she even care who wins, or is she just there for the noise, fumes, and camaraderie? I also wonder about Gertie’s relationship with dashed‑pride‑guy there. Will they bond over their shared admiration of Josh Berry and Chase Elliott, or squabble over the merits of Kyle Busch and Harrison Burton?

Six Chix, 9/12/24

Use emojis to immunize yourself against the spontaneous laughter-induced buttockectomy that put this poor lady in the hospital. Or just read Six Chix every day and nip the problem in its bud.

Take It from the Tinkersons, 9/12/24

Once a year or so, this mostly joke‑a‑day strip veers wildly into over‑the‑top workplace dramedy. Ellen here is the new sales manager at Ed‑N‑Son Light Bulbs. She claims to be the twin of former sales manager and suspected serial killer Helen who, like many of her colleagues, disappeared under mysterious circumstances. But everybody assumes she’s really Helen and fears the worst.

Ted, facing an empty future hawking knockoff light bulbs in a shrinking market dominated by Big LED, embraces the risk. All things considered, suicide by proxy looks like the easy way out.

Blondie, 9/12/24

Dag, when you’re counting on Social Security and a pension from the J.C. Dithers Company for steady income, it just might be time to check out Powerball.

Rex Morgan, 9/12/24

Parker sits beside the seated Truck, who muses, “if only I had worn one of those newfangled finger helmets, I wouldn’t be sitting here today! And yet today here I sit!”

—Uncle Lumpy

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Crankshaft, 9/11/24

I’m delighted by Cayla’s puzzled look in panel one: “Somebody wants to talk to Les? Why?” But I’m deeply disturbed by the invasion of Crankshaft by Funky Winkerbean characters, locations, and themes, the way a parasitic snail consumes its host from within. I mean, if you’re going to end your comic strip why not, y’know, just end it?

I can certainly respect Team Crock for wanting to maintain the ol’ revenue stream, and genuinely admire the sleight of hand by which For Better or For Worse ducked mass cancellations by camouflaging its transformation into a zombie strip. But I can’t think of a reason for this Crankshaft takeover unless … unless … (in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind) the intent all along was to terminate Crankshaft and keep Funky going.

Heathcliff, 9/11/24

Ah, but here’s some comic relief: at the slightest provocation, Heathcliff entertains murderous revenge fantasies about his owner! Although I guess that’s pretty much all cats; carry on.

Zits, 9/11/24

The Sara character always gets a pass in Zits: popular, caring, socially adept, blah blah blah, never the butt of the joke. But today’s strip gives the game away. Even people who talk this way don’t talk this way with confidantes, so Sara is using Jeremy as either a stooge or a mark. What, then, is her sinister plan? Pull a Snuffy Smith and take over Jeremy’s strip from within? Use Zits as a platform to invade some other strip like Les Moore is using Funky to insinuate his way into Crankshaft? Get adopted into wealth by Judge Parker‘s Abbey Spencer (with D’ijon as Sara’s Sassy Black Girlfriend)? Time will tell. In the meantime, Jeremy has a raisin up his nostril.

Rex Morgan, 9/11/24

Truck is intrigued: “These bicycles you speak of—one sits on them, does one not? Because, Parker, God gave me a gift. I sit. I sit very well.”

—Uncle Lumpy