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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/27/19

Maybe it’s because I’m not a parent, but I don’t really understand the “joke” in this strip, which seems like a fairly obvious solution to a relatable problem? Is it because modern-day middle class safety-obsessed parenting would never allow a baby to sit up on a table where he could fall off and hurt himself, even though the simple but wise folks of Hootin’ Holler know that as long as adults are paying attention he’s in no danger? Or is that this is a wonderment to Snuffy and his father because Hootin’ Holler has only recently mastered “chair” technology?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/27/19

“Oh, so they think we’re not doing enough medical education in this strip?” said the Rex Morgan, M.D., creative team. “What if we just went into great detail about all the different kinds of medical tests you can get? How’s that for medical education, motherfuckers? Are you not edutained?”

Family Circus, 10/27/19

“You can tell by how depressed he looks! His heart is always crushed by grief whenever he’s not doing the one thing that brings him joy — watching professional football on television — and nothing, not even tending to his beautiful house or spending time with his family, can cheer him up.”

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Mary Worth, 10/22/19

Say, Iris, remember when Tommy, your beloved son, injured his back helping you move, which made it difficult for him to work at his physically demanding job as a janitor, so he took few too many of his legally prescribed pain meds, which led to addiction and maybe a little light pharmacy shopping? Remember how super, super self-righteous you were about the whole thing? Oh, but now that you’re too worn out to keep up with your boyfriend, sexually, it’s OK for you to go looking for over-the-counter pep pills in the “this statement has not been evaluated by the FDA and this product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease” aisle at CVS, a road which we all know will end with you ordering sketchy Chinese-made “lady Viagra” on the dark web. You and Wilbur deserve each other.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/22/19

“And — shut down the point of sale system? And update our Yelp page to let people know we closed early today? And … oh God, the baby is crowning, but this is very important … can you set an away message on my email?”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/8/19

Hello, major media brands! Are you looking to increase awareness of your properties among hard-to-reach demographics, like shut-ins and the elderly? Consider in-story messaging within the King Features line of trusted continuity strips! We’ve already laid the groundwork by having Wilbur Weston, the comics’ most unappealing character, inform readers that streaming media services exist. And for a surprisingly reasonably partnership fee, mildly beloved Rex Morgan, M.D., character Mindy could actually say the name of your show while she remains immobile in bed for the next several weeks, rather than just hinting at its plot! Be sure to act now to accommodate comics publishing’s 12-18 week lead time so that your property gets name-checked just in time for it to “drop” (as the kids say) on streaming!

Mutts, 9/8/19

I know I almost never talk about Mutts on this site, but when the adorable lisping animals suddenly start contemplating the total genocide of the human race? As a human who doesn’t want to be genocided, that’s when I sit up and take notice.

The Phantom, 9/8/19

The Ghost-Who-Walks has kept the Deep Woods under his protection for hundreds of years! But can he defend against the newest, most deadly threat yet: gentrification?

Six Chix, 9/8/19

The world is burning, life is madness … should Six Chix get into piss stuff? Sure. Why not. Lol nothing matters!