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Your comment of the week momentarily, but first, I must share with you an awesome letter to the editor of the Providence Journal that faithful reader Dub Not Dubya shared with me. In it, Mike Fink of Providence earnestly pleads for Rex Morgan, M.D., to be restored to the paper’s funny pages. The best paragraph is this:

Is it just too realistic, and therefore, in fact responsible, for current tastes, editorial or popular? I mean, the anecdotes do raise genuine issues of health and human behavior. True, there is a sort of camp or funky almost unintentional hilarity about its style and content, but on the other hand there is also a timeliness and even truthfulness about the adventures and misadventures of its characters.

But really you should read the whole thing, which also mentions breast feeding, for some reason. Don’t miss it! And the Journal absolutely SHOULD bring back RMMD, it goes without saying.

And now, your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“I love the Avengers’ high tech deterrents to someone sneaking in to their headquarters. ‘Let’s turn out the lights and pretend like we’re not here!'” –hogenmogen

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Having solved the mystery of the exceedingly-inept kidnapper, perhaps Mary can turn her crime-fighting skills to discovering who embedded that turbot in the back of Jeff’s skull. From the way he’s clutching his head in the second frame, it looks like he may have suffered a brain injury. This may also explain his apparent insensibility to Mary’s endless litany of self-congratulation.” –Higgs Boatswain

“We have to find some time to spend together, mostly so I can ask you what in the living hell is going on with your jacket lapels.” –Chareth Cutestory

“When they make the movie about Old Butch, they should probably skip the part where a group of rabbits enjoy a spirited game of ‘who can hop closest to the blind dog.'” –Just Bob

“It is possible Lu Ann’s adoptive parents don’t know they adopted her? Maybe she was just put under a cabbage leaf one day and they figured, well, that’s how it always happened before.” –Chip Whittle

“If the best tattoo you can think of is just the initial of your home town in your high school colors, you’re probably not cool enough to look good in a tattoo.” –AndyL

“Margo thinks eating feces ‘sounds delicious?’ Somebody’s been reading my erotic fanfic!” –Doctor Handsome

“I think Jughead is, in his own passive-aggressive way, commenting on the fact that the cast of Archie comics can no longer be considered famous.” –Cotton Candy Beard

“Are we just going to ignore how COMPLETELY adorable it is that Mr. Weatherbee likes Glee? I mean, in the context of this comic, and its superior, too-cool-to-stay-awake-in-geometry high schools kids. Mr. Weatherbee just loves to kick back and relax by watching some musically talented teens who really care about school, who have non-food-based, non-laziness-based problems. And he’s just plain SICK and TIRED of having to tape it!” –Margaret

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Pluggers, 1/18/12

Today I said to my wife the words that any woman longs to hear: “Honey, can you come in here and explain Pluggers to me?” Her take was that pluggers don’t know what an “app” is and assume that it’s derived directly from the word “apply,” and that therefore “applying” whipped topping (yes, obviously “topping,” not elitist whipped cream, what are you, some kind of fancy ooh-la-la gourmet French person) to a pie is an “app.” This makes at least as much sense than my own interpretation, which was “A plugger’s favorite app is eatin’ pie, or maybe just spraying wipped topping straight down their beak-mouths.” Which doesn’t really mean much of anything, but seriously, look at this panel, what the hell.

Gil Thorp, 1/18/12

Boy, Coach Kaz is all dressed up and being nice to everybody, which probably means that a break-up is in the offing. “Welp, good game, kids, but I’m leaving forever to take up my new job as an FBI agent in 1964.”

Luann, 1/18/12

Hey, remember, like, a month ago, when having TJ work for Ann Eiffel seemed like it would be an awesome idea? Well, we changed our mind, so that won’t be happening anymore. Don’t worry, we’ve long established that TJ has no need for a job for his income, so there are absolutely no consequences involved in today’s actions, which is an important element of drama.

B.C., 1/18/12

I’m always vaguely amused that B.C.’s ants are used as the players in various generic domestic melodramas. But they’re still ants! Ants who could be devoured by a predator at any time! I’m not sure if the surviving ant spouse means that the departing ant was appreciated for its nutritive qualities, or that it will at last find unconditional love in the chitinous bosom of some kind of ant-God in ant-heaven, but either way it’s all pretty grim.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/18/12

For a long time Rex has been losing badly to Sam Driver in the competition to see which smug, sexually repressed dick in a Woody Wilson-penned soap strip can have become more financially comfortable due to no real work or merit on his part. But maybe today is the day when the tide begins to turn!

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Mary Worth, 12/8/11

I swore a blood oath to myself that I wouldn’t discuss Mary Worth until something happened, and now something has, so here you go! Anyway, Mary has proved herself history’s greatest hero by physically blocking the door briefly to give the cops long enough to arrive and apprehend our kidnapper. Bonus points for really trying to get into the depraved criminal’s head with her “That young girl you’ve kidnapped sure is attractive, you’ve definitely made the right choice there” technique. Look for Mary’s sense of self-regard to reach levels that scientists had hitherto believed to be impossible.

Apartment 3-G, 12/8/11

Oh my goodness you guys, is … is Ruby Lu Ann’s biological mother??? Who maybe got knocked up as a teen and handed over the child to her aunt and uncle to raise? Causing resentment in said aunt and uncle’s biological daughter, and, eventually, in said aunt and uncle themselves? Does this explain the weird family dynamic, and why Ruby showed up in New York a few years ago acting all maternal-like towards Lu Ann? Will Lu Ann and Margo finally find something to bond over (i.e., their sordid, secret parentage), leaving Tommie, presumably the biological child of the married adults who raised her, even more boring and left out than usual?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/8/11

Rex Morgan’s sexy rebellious teen plot has ended with a thwarted rape attempt and a mother-daughter reconciliation (i.e., it ended extremely not sexily), but I do have vague hopes for what’s coming next. Remember, Niki’s mom was a former meth lab tech who Rex hired to work in his clinic and who hasn’t been heard from since. I share Rex’s sense that “she doesn’t do the outdoors” is code for either “she’s in the middle of a six-week cross-country crank-fueled bank robbery spree” or “she’s been dead for weeks and I keep cashing her public assistance checks.” I was going to say that Rex ought to know more details, since he’s her employer and all, but then I remembered that Rex really doesn’t care about other people enough to pay attention to them.

Six Chix, 12/8/11

I know I usually only put up cartoons to make fun of them, but I really love today’s Six Chix! I especially like (a) the fact that only one third of the book group hated this week’s read enough to burn it and (b) that even in their rage these ladies made a makeshift fire pit, possibly out of the top of a barrel, rather than just burning the books in the middle of the floor. There’s no need to make a mess!