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Mary Worth, 9/23/12

One of the things we’re getting to know about Dawn’s armless new friend is that he’s kind of into one-upmanship. Like, oh, Dawn, did you experience a harrowing ripped-from-the-headlines boat accident that suspiciously resembles the Costa Concordia disaster? Well, Jim experienced a harrowing ripped-from-the-headlines ferry accident that suspiciously resembles the Staten Island Ferry disaster from 2003, during the course of which he lost a limb. And Dawn, did you almost see your father die during your nautical crisis? Well, if today’s thought balloon is any indication, Jim actually lost his father during his! Give it up now, Dawn, he’ll be doing this to you forever if you fall in love!

Rex Morgan, M.D. 9/23/12

Uh oh, looks like the apartment where Rex and June are supposed to be staying while they check up on a patient’s San Diego investment property is occupied — by a hot naked lady! Wasn’t … wasn’t there a Rex Morgan story where some semi-naked lady was in the Morgans’ house, by surprise? I’m really pretty sure of this, but I find the prospect of trying to suss it out of my archives strangely exhausting.

Crankshaft, 9/23/12

You guys, Crankshaft’s irritating malapropisms aren’t just the detritus of a mind slowly slipping away into dementia! They can also help distract other family members when they threaten to wallow in unbearably moralistic nostalgia for a world that never existed.

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 9/23/12

As usual, Sunday’s Apartment 3-G just rehashes the previous week’s plot, but we do get this bonus shot of Evan making fart noises with his hands.

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Funky Winkerbean, 9/12/12

In accordance with Funky Winkerbean’s long tradition of making unbearably big deals out of low-level life problems, Mopey Pete the comics artist is behind deadline on the Superman book he’s working on, which is being portrayed metaphorically by him being bedeviled by a sinister supervillain called “The Lord of Late.” This was easy enough to ignore until today, when it was revealed that Mopey Pete is writing a series about Superman walking across America. Does Mopey Pete not know that Superman can fly?? Then I found out that this was actually a real thing, which just made me madder. Does DC Comics not know that Superman can fly??

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/12/12

Oh my goodness, Rex’s look of weary disgust in panel three is priceless. “Ugh, the worst part of my highly-compensated medical work is that sometimes you repair a dumb meatsack and then it thinks you have some kind of emotional connection to it or something. Looks like it’s time to starting having all patients anesthetized before I come into the room!”

Hi and Lois, 9/12/12

Poor Trixie has been used as an unwilling tool in the seduction of more innocent girls than she can count, with her pre-verbal status leaving her unable to warn Chip’s emotional victims. You can tell by her face in panel two that this is really starting to wear her down.

Family Circus, 9/12/12

Check out Dolly’s smug facial expression! That’s the look of a girl who can find the sex parts of any book.

Herb and Jamaal, 9/12/12

Shorter Jamaal: “I hold my best friend in withering contempt, because I’m a terrible person.”

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 9/2/12

Oh, Slylock, I just don’t get you! You’ve always shown that you have nearly unlimited powers to arrest and jail anybody you want based on even the flimsiest of circumstantial evidence. So now that you’ve caught the Wolf red-pawed, why are you going for this clever/wimpy put-salt-in-the-ice-cube-tray-so-the-water-won’t-freeze business? Perhaps he’s hoping that, by causing the Wolf’s plan to fail for reasons he won’t be able to comprehend, he’ll break the villain psychologically and leave him putty in the hands of law enforcement. Or maybe Slylock just doesn’t trust Max to do anything? That seems likely.

Beetle Bailey, 9/2/12

“Made the men eat frazzle fern” sounds like a nonsense placeholder phrase that was put into the dialogue with the intention of replacing it with something that was funny and made sense but then nobody did that because, it’s just Beetle Bailey, you know? And General Halftrack’s theatrical “Hmmmm”ing is drawn out about two panels too long. Still, though, Miss Buxley’s sad face in panel two as she muses on the web of emotional lies she’s been ordered into will haunt me for days.

Family Circus, 9/2/12

I love how sad Billy looks in the final panel as he imagines his inevitable transformation into a goody-goody adult. “God, way to be a suck-up chump, future me!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/2/12

WARNING: THREAT LEVEL ALPHA, JUNE MORGAN TO SPEND NEXT WEEK TRYING ON BIKINIS

(Happy Labor Day, everybody! I will probably have Monday’s post up sometime Monday evening, or maybe Tuesday morning. See ya then!)