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Apartment 3-G, 10/21/08

It looks like Apartment 3-G, having made drug abuse and murder bland and vaguely boring, is about to do the same for China’s meddling in Tibetan monastic politics. Remember how Eric was supposed to be rescuing his brother from some combination Tibetan temple/hospital/Chinese prison thingy in Lhasa, or something? Apparently he took this Lodi character instead, which we may or may not have been told at the time? Lodi, I am assuming, is a stand-in for Gedhun Choekyi Nyima, who was chosen as Panchen Lama as a child with the Dalai Lama’s blessing; he and his family were taken out of Tibet by the Chinese government and haven’t been seen since, while the government has nominated its own candidate for the post. Gedhun/Lodi seems to be none the worse for wear for his time as a political prisoner, having learned valuable English and hiking skills. The question is, can he retain his sense of detachment from desire and suffering upon encountering the ultimate threat to any holy man: Margo Magee?

Family Circus, 10/21/08

It’s obviously unsettling that the Keanes have some kind of gargantuan microwave that can heat up an entire full-sized pizza, though that may explain why Billy thinks that nuking food qualifies as “making” it. Poor Jeffy is once again stuck with the being-baffled-by-everyday-slang role usually reserved for comical foreigners, robots and aliens, and dorky white dudes. But what really gets me about this cartoon is the drooping tip of Billy’s pizza. I imagine that he’s gesticulating with the slice, the tip flopping up and down as he does so, grease splattering everywhere. I think that it would be pretty hypnotic to watch; no doubt that’s what Mommy is focusing on, which is why she looks so beatific despite being surrounded by morons.

Luann, 10/21/08

“I mean, Toni never talks about him, but he hangs around in my mind … brawny … vaguely threatening … half-dressed…”

Mary Worth, 10/21/08

Oh, Dr. Jeff, always so bad at strategy. If you’re going to try to escape Mary’s clutches, you don’t announce it. You just leave town the minute she walks out the door. You can set her condo on fire on your way out if it would make you feel better.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/21/08

Ha ha, Rex is grinding something! Get it, because … ha ha … grinding … oh, what’s the use.

Based on Sarah’s weird, distorted face in the final panel, I’m guessing the wind is so strong and the boats are tilting because they’ve accidentally wandered into a nuclear weapons test site. Soon everyone will be killed in a ball of flame, which will at least alleviate the boredom of watching a sailboat race.

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—Uncle Lumpy

Mary Worth, 10/3/08

Toby’s phishing nightmare is water under the bridge, but after throwing good money after bad, she may have bitten off more than she can chew. The unvarnished truth is that being honest with Ian just doesn’t float her boat, so she avoids it like the plague. Mary has an axe to grind, but may be blowing things up out of proportion — it’s an open secret big as life that putting a relationship on the rocks is crossing a line in front of a bottomless pit. But it’s good to see these two addressing it proactively: after all, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, nothing is cut and dried, a stitch in time saves nine, and failure is not an option.

Seriously, is Mary losing it? Ever since Aldo killed himself and Ella Byrd pwned her advising skills, she’s been reduced to adopting stray dogs and half-heartedly humiliating poor Doc Jeff. Now she’s outsourced her advice operation to Mistress Terry Bryson, trying to keep her hand in with this meandering recap—a sad state of affairs for one of history’s greatest monsters! And to think we lost Kim Jong-Il about the same time.

Hey . . . we’ve never actually seen them together, have we?

Family Circus, 10/3/08

Family Circus Partial Nudity Week:

Gasoline Alley, 10/3/08

OK, boy-man Rover here sold his gas-saving gadget to Sultan Abu bin Stereotype without disclosing that it won’t work on fuel-injected cars. While we wait to discover the wily Sultan’s plans to keep the invention off the market, Rover distracts himself from his supposed legal predicament by feeding some ducks — ironically exposing himself to simultaneous copyright-infringement lawsuits from Mark Trail and Mallard Fillmore.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/3/08

In panel 2 we learn that Rex’s mobile has an obscene ringtone, which the artist has graciously censored for us. I would have sworn he kept it on vibrate—and not in his pocket.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Family Circus and Hagar the Horrible, 9/27/08

Two legacy strips check in with mind-bending unjokes today. Little Billy, having grown bored with physical violence, threats of physical violence, and crude insults, has decided to use some Philosophy 101 semantics and ontology to harass his sister. “Dolly, when is a thing not a thing? When do names not encode true meaning? Huh? Huh? Do you get it? Do you?” Dolly’s expression of anxiety proves that her big brother’s reign of terror is continuing on unchecked — only this time, she’ll have no bruises to show Mommy, so the torture will continue.

Meanwhile, Hagar is forcing an existential dilemma on his poor dog. “Why do you have to be what you are? Why can’t you be something else?” The idea that a question like “why” can even be applied to the essence of existence is enough to send anyone into paroxysms of depression — I didn’t make me! Why can’t love me as I am! Fortunately, Snert seems to have a great deal more self-assurance than Dolly, and is unfazed.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/27/08

You hear that, doc? You stay away from Niki, if you like that pretty little face of yours! And if there’s one thing we know about Rex, it’s that he likes that pretty little face of his.

Shoe, 9/27/08

I always assume that, when it appears in a newspaper comic strip, “dating” is a euphemism for “fucking,” which assumption really pays off when it comes to making this strip funnier. There’s a joke about hitting balls with clubs to be made here as well, but I leave that as an exercise for the reader.