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Six Chix, 9/16/24

Hey lady, if you want to shut down all the chit-chat, repeat after me: “I’m a Cross‑Fit vegan; let me tell you about my fur‑babies!”

On the Fast Track, 9/16/24

Oh for crying out loud, Dethany, it’s the one in Row 3 Column 1. It’s your sight gag, own it!

Gil Thorp, 9/16/24

Gil takes his team to Juvie. “Scared straight” or role-modeling? I don’t know, but I know how I want to bet.

Phantom, 9/16/24

Plasma cutting requires an electrical path through conductive material to ground. Devil’s upset because his prosthetic tin nose itches and there’s an electrode up his butt.

Sally Forth, 9/16/24

The Forths enter a corn maze and narrative Doom Loop. They will escape from neither.

Hmm, do Brits have “maize mazes”?

—Uncle Lumpy

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Gearhead Gertie, 9/12/24

Those are legit NASCAR car‑and‑driver number flags. Of course they are; this is Gearhead Gertie. But if Gertie is a fan of more than a third of the field, can she really claim to be a fan at of any individual team? (Tip: don’t ever tell a NASCAR fan it’s not a team sport.) Does she even care who wins, or is she just there for the noise, fumes, and camaraderie? I also wonder about Gertie’s relationship with dashed‑pride‑guy there. Will they bond over their shared admiration of Josh Berry and Chase Elliott, or squabble over the merits of Kyle Busch and Harrison Burton?

Six Chix, 9/12/24

Use emojis to immunize yourself against the spontaneous laughter-induced buttockectomy that put this poor lady in the hospital. Or just read Six Chix every day and nip the problem in its bud.

Take It from the Tinkersons, 9/12/24

Once a year or so, this mostly joke‑a‑day strip veers wildly into over‑the‑top workplace dramedy. Ellen here is the new sales manager at Ed‑N‑Son Light Bulbs. She claims to be the twin of former sales manager and suspected serial killer Helen who, like many of her colleagues, disappeared under mysterious circumstances. But everybody assumes she’s really Helen and fears the worst.

Ted, facing an empty future hawking knockoff light bulbs in a shrinking market dominated by Big LED, embraces the risk. All things considered, suicide by proxy looks like the easy way out.

Blondie, 9/12/24

Dag, when you’re counting on Social Security and a pension from the J.C. Dithers Company for steady income, it just might be time to check out Powerball.

Rex Morgan, 9/12/24

Parker sits beside the seated Truck, who muses, “if only I had worn one of those newfangled finger helmets, I wouldn’t be sitting here today! And yet today here I sit!”

—Uncle Lumpy

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Blondie, 9/10/24

Dagwood demands that the dietary preferences of the majority be enforced on all through the power of the State. Today I learned Dagwood is literally Hitler. And here I always thought it was that guy over in Marmaduke.

Between Friends, 9/10/24

Torn between the listless advances of her French boss Jean here and the ambiguous affections of her ex Steve back home, Slut Friend Maeve resolves to make something happen. This being Between Friends, it’s far more likely to involve shoes than sex.

Six Chix, 9/10/24

The next time you’re on deadline for a blog post, trust me you do not want to go Googling “What does Godzilla eat?” or “Do pigs have souls?” But if you’re ever in Decatur Indiana, make it a point to check out Soul Pig: it’s got four and a half stars on TripAdvisor! I’ve read all the Yelp reviews, and apparently their smoked ham is delicious! Now what was it I was supposed to be doing…?

Bizarro, 9/10/24

Airport Security: “Arbitrary, opaque bureaucratic intrusions or world-historical cruelty and oppression? Make up your mind, buddy, you’re holding up the line!”
Me: “I’m thinking, I’m thinking!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/10/24

♭♪ “Sit on, Truck Tyler, sit on!” ♮♬

—Uncle Lumpy