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Blondie, 9/10/24

Dagwood demands that the dietary preferences of the majority be enforced on all through the power of the State. Today I learned Dagwood is literally Hitler. And here I always thought it was that guy over in Marmaduke.

Between Friends, 9/10/24

Torn between the listless advances of her French boss Jean here and the ambiguous affections of her ex Steve back home, Slut Friend Maeve resolves to make something happen. This being Between Friends, it’s far more likely to involve shoes than sex.

Six Chix, 9/10/24

The next time you’re on deadline for a blog post, trust me you do not want to go Googling “What does Godzilla eat?” or “Do pigs have souls?” But if you’re ever in Decatur Indiana, make it a point to check out Soul Pig: it’s got four and a half stars on TripAdvisor! I’ve read all the Yelp reviews, and apparently their smoked ham is delicious! Now what was it I was supposed to be doing…?

Bizarro, 9/10/24

Airport Security: “Arbitrary, opaque bureaucratic intrusions or world-historical cruelty and oppression? Make up your mind, buddy, you’re holding up the line!”
Me: “I’m thinking, I’m thinking!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/10/24

♭♪ “Sit on, Truck Tyler, sit on!” ♮♬

—Uncle Lumpy

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Beetle Bailey, Blondie, and Shoe, 9/4/24

Look, we’d all like to believe that works of art spring from the pure, isolated genius of their creator’s mind, but when you’re talking about a commercial and ongoing project like a daily comic strip, obviously the whole thing ends up being affected by the desires and needs of your audience. You gotta give ’em what they want! The creators of legacy strips are acutely aware that the “’em” in this case is “old people” and what they want is news they can use, like “Ha ha, there sure are a bunch of crazy ‘social media’ sites these days,” “Hey, did you know that you can make money on playing video games? Maybe that grandson of yours isn’t such a screwup after all,” and “Tired of pissing yourself? Well, here’s some unexpected good news!”

Six Chix, 9/4/24

This blog is itself a work of art in dialogue with its audience (literally, given the comment section), and apparently what you want is my funny, erudite, and occasionally lengthy riffs on the strips, which I’m happy to deliver! But it is my blog, after all, and sometimes what I want out of it is to just post a strip I read today and say “I don’t like this”, so here you go. Today’s Six Chix: I don’t like this!

Dennis the Menace, 9/4/24

Many years ago, an ex of mine had to go to traffic school to get points from a moving violation taken off her license. At the time, there were various kinds of theme schools you could go to, and she signed up for something that billed itself as “comedy driving school.” After her class, I asked her how it went, and she said, absolutely steaming mad, that “Someone needs to tell that guy that there’s a difference between being funny and being in a really good mood,” a formulation I think about all the time. Anyway, someone needs to tell the Dennis the Menace team that there’s a difference between being a menace and wasting everyone’s time because you’re one of the dumbest people alive and have no filter or sense of embarrassment about it!

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/27/24

Ha, get it, you thought she wanted Ernie to stop smoking tobacco, a dangerous and expensive habit … but in fact, “smoking” could mean a number of different things! Thus the ambiguity. Not clear what Ernie’s wife has against smoking brisket. Seems like a pretty harmless and honestly delicious hobby to me. But you can figure that one out on your own. What, am I supposed to hold your hand on every little thing?

Mary Worth, 8/27/24

This is good! She’s going to get to the convention and find out that the reception theme is “fancy ball/exotic zoo,” and see that it’s really tacky and off-putting. “Won’t be doing that for our wedding!” she’ll think. “Really dodged a bullet there.”

Six Chix, 8/27/24

Hey, were you wondering what’s up with the Tuesday Chik, last seen being cucked by avocado toast? Well, she’s cruising for sex at pizza parties now. Sad!

Pluggers, 8/27/24

WHAT THE HELL PLUGGERS I HAVE BEEN READING YOU FOR 18 YEARS AND NEVER ONCE IN THAT TIME HAVE I THOUGHT “I WANT TO SEE A JOKE ABOUT PLUGGER CLEAVAGE” WHAT ARE YOU DOING AND HOW CAN I MAKE YOU STOP