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Archive: Spider-Man

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Asked and answered

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So many questions! But you can always say “yes” to the Comics Curmudgeon — with a generous contribution!

Marvin, 11/15/12

Q. Why couldn’t I have been born into a one-story family?
A. Why not? You’ve been living in a one-story comic for years.

Mary Worth, 11/15/12

Q. It’s because I’m missing an arm … isn’t it?
A. No! That’s not it at all! Although I did notice when you gestured expressively at me over there in the left panel a moment ago that you were holding your drink and pointing using the same hand, and frankly it looked pretty awkward. I, on the other hand, with my two arms, count ’em yourself, one … two, can hold a drink in my right hand while gesturing expressively — like this! — with my left hand, from its convenient location at the end of this arm here! The left arm, second of two! Pretty useful, wouldn’t you say? I was wondering why you don’t do something like tha… AUGH OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONLY ONE ARM GET AWAY FROM ME YOU HIDEOUS MAN-FREAK!

Family Circus, 11/15/12

Q. Mommy, do we know any princes?
A. We’ve been over this, Dolly — that’s where the pisketti comes from.

Spider-Man, 11/15/12

Q. What’s he up to?
A. He’s introducing Sherry to the Four Stooges.
Sorry, that was harsh — the four monkeys.

Lockhorns, 11/15/12

Scabs, again?

Oh God I am so profoundly sorry.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Twelve angry idiots

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Herb and Jamaal, 11/14/12

Jamaal mangles the ancient punchline, “… twelve people too stupid to get out of jury duty”, and outs himself as an idiot.

Pluggers, 11/14/12

… b-but the joke is that Spaniel-man is spending exactly the same time looking for his glasses and wearing them. Right? Am I missing some subtlety here? Oh, wait — it’s Pluggers.

Phantom, 11/14/12

It’s time for Hide the Lion — and anybody can play! Hot Queen is ticked, and the mighty Llongo warriors look all mopey. Everything is proceeding as Pissy Elder has forseen.

Heathcliff, 11/14/12

Garfield is disgusting. Oh, wait, this is Heathcliff. Well, Garfield is disgusting too, but this is Heathcliff.

Apartment 3-G, 11/14/12

Hey, it’s Six Differences time again! Can you spot the changes Greg has made to Mrs. Bloom’s apartment? Moving the invisible piano doesn’t count. (Hint: he locked the Taser® up with the sex toys. Margo’s in for one hell of a night.)

Spider-Man, 11/14/12

Yes, Peter — Sherry would have dug Genghis Khan, and you would have dug out the yak wallow behind his yurt.

— Uncle Lumpy

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This is better than the first draft, where they read the story on MySpace

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Gil Thorp, 10/26/12

Oh, hey, sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on what’s been going on in Gil Thorp, but trust me when I say that what’s been going on Gil Thorp is exactly the same thing that was going on when we last checked in with Gil Thorp — some Milford kids whose names I am not bothering to commit to memory are trying to make Irish Terry Gallagher into a star, for some reason — and it hasn’t gotten more interesting since. Today’s strip is mostly of note because the plot requires that characters find out information from a newspaper but somebody at some point in the creative process said, “Wait, kids don’t read the newspaper anymore, do they? iPads, kids love iPads, have them looking at iPads.”

Pluggers, 10/26/12

I love the bear-man’s facial expression and body posture of cringing terror here, as he becomes increasingly alarmed that he’s been lured to a non-plugger dining establishment, perhaps as some kind of trap. In fact, the bear-man’s wife is looking pretty smug, and it’s already been established that she’s not of plugger origins, so maybe it is a trap, or at least a deliberate attempt to drag him out of his comfort zone for the dual purpose of eating some non-deep-fried food for once and also seeing him squirm a little.

(Side note: I’m vaguely embarrassed to even know this, but Mrs. Bear-Man is actually supposed to be a kangaroo; I think the colorists have misinterpreted the ears and guessed that she’s a rabbit, thus the white coloring. Either that or the years of hated she-plugger existence have turned her normally brown pelt prematurely grey.)

Spider-Man, 10/26/12

Hmm, how to distract readers from the fact that Peter’s logic — “Kraven will steal that diamond tiara! Except, wait, that doesn’t seem like the sort of thing Kraven would do at all? Looks like I’m going to have to figure out why he’s going to do the totally out-of-character thing I’ve just arbitrarily decided he’s going to do!” — is completely insane? Hey, why not have Peter take off his teal suit jacket, hang it up on a weird, ill-drawn blob on the side of a building, and put on an electric blue suit jacket? Perfect! That makes even less sense!

Shoe, 10/26/12

“And I don’t care how much of the world has to be destroyed to lower those gas prices, as long as I don’t have to see it!”