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I'm really uncomfortable with the way Truck is breaking the fourth wall here. 'Are you this guy's father? You, the reader? Well, if I remember my Roland Barthes then, yes, indeed, you could be described as a metaphorical parent to both of us...’

—Spunky The Wonder Squid
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Sadly imagining Mrs. Turtle throwing that paint on the snake, very, very slowly

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Pluggers, 2/19/18

As you know, I’m not a plugger, and one of the ways you can tell I’m not a plugger is that I know jack-all about cars. So, like, when I read this panel, I was confused, because don’t all cars have shock absorbers? Is this panel trying to imply that pluggers have a pedestrian-based lifestyle and shun automotive ownership? Because that seems quite at odds with the image I’ve built up over the years! But, no: it turns out that some cars have shocks and some cars have struts. And maybe some have both? I then contemplated taking the next logical step: doing the research to determine if cars without shock absorbers were more “plugger-y” than those with them. But then I thought, “enh, my dude, you’re just spending time learning about cars.” So I gave up! True story!

Dick Tracy, 2/19/18

“Have you seen today’s paper, Chief Patton? Oh, you haven’t, but you’ve already heard about the murder of an extremely wealthy and prominent citizen? What with you being the chief of police and all? And also we live in a 24-hour news cycle, so even if you hadn’t heard it from police sources you’d probably see it on TV or Twitter or something? Well, whatever, I already had one of my aides buy this paper for visual effect, so God damn it, I’m going to hold it up meaningfully. This is how you hold up a newspaper, right? Very gingery?”

Slylock Fox, 2/19/19

OH HEY WHAT’S UP COUNT WEIRDLY IS JUST SENDING OUT HIS SNAKE TO EAT BABIES NOW

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“Is it warm in here or have I abruptly contracted a fatal disease?”

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/18/18

I assume that, like just about any working artist, Mopey Pete has a website with his email address on it. Soooo, the Chiseler … knows that email is private, right? That just because an email uses the infrastructure of the internet to deliver its message doesn’t mean that sending an email is the equivalent of posting it on Twitter or whatever? Does the Chiseler think that “the Internet” is just, like, a guy you whisper things to and he passes them along or makes them public, at his whim?

Hagar the Horrible, 2/18/18

I genuinely appreciate that this strip has graphically illustrated the violence that Hagar’s men have visited upon these local magnates in their insatiable lust for plunder. The dude in the cravat lost an eye. An eye! Look how satisfied Hagar is at having half-blinded him — with an arrow or a knife or maybe his thumb — earlier this week!

Mark Trail, 2/18/18

It’s nice to see that, after decades of living in a rough-hewn forest cabin, Cherry has finally decided to do a little decorating beyond just nailing rugs to the wall at weird angles. On an unrelated note, did you know if you were paid to draw the view from — just as an example — a hotel balcony on Harbour Island in the Bahamas, the amount of money it took you to pay for that hotel, as well as to procure transportation to and from that hotel, would be considered a business expense for tax purposes? Just putting that out there!

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“Are you still here? I said thank you, that’s your damn cue”

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Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, 2/17/18

For once, the decade-long Funkyverse chronological disjunction actually comes into play with today’s strips! In Crankshaft we see Comicszone, a local retailer that was unable to survive in the face of competition from online retailers who could offer the same products with more convenience and less overhead. In Funky Winkerbean, taking place a decade later, we see a key strategy deployed by those brick-and-mortar businesses that survived: transforming stores from mere places to purchase goods into sites for community building and in-person experiences.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/17/18

Sarah has clearly internalized the classic three-part thank-you-note structure for kids — (1) thank the gift giver, (2) make a specific reference to the gift given, (3) make a reference to future social interactions you’ll have with the gift giver — and stripped it down to its bare essence to deploy in face-to-face scenarios and make them as efficient as possible.

Beetle Bailey, 2/17/18

Do … war games generally involve firing massive live artillery rounds? Regardless, I’m not sure what the “joke” in today’s strip is supposed to be, unless it’s “General Halftrack can’t experience joy in the absence of alcohol, ha ha!”