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Apartment 3-G, 9/15/12

FUN FACT! Did you know that the “Optimists Club” isn’t just a sarcastic thing that Margo calls her roommates because their minds aren’t constantly clouded by intrusive thoughts about murder and carnage? It’s a real fraternal service organization that my grandfather belonged to for years. Also, apparently it was maybe an offshoot of an early 20th century New Age cult? Anyway, long story short, Lu Ann and Tommie can just hang around the apartment in their sweatshirts from the Classic ’70s Kitchen Appliance Colors Collection, but Margo has places to be, people to belittle, etc.

Gasoline Alley, 9/15/12

Despite my longstanding hatred of Slim, I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for his wife Clovia. Still, if Clovia needs to fall for a painfully obvious text-scam in order for Slim to be humiliated further, I’m willing to accept that.

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Your COTW in a moment, but first, I need to draw your attention to one of the ads in the sidebar. You perhaps have already noticed the ad for the science fiction romance epic series Flight of the Armada, by Jay Michael Jones. But did you know that Jay Michael Jones was also long-time (like, from the very beginning!) Comics Curmudgeon commenter True Fable? This Kickstarter project aims to cover printing costs and cover art for the first 6 books in the series True Fable’s been working on for a long time. Loaded with unique incentives, the Kickstarter pledge drive ends October 7!

And now, your comment of the week!

“I’d like to note that it’s not explicitly stated that it’s God that Dennis is praying to.” –Doctor Handsome

And your runners up, very funny!

“In fairness to Reeky, being a rat is as punk rock as it gets.” –lorne

“We don’t have any choice! We can do this thing, or we can do this other thing!” –AndyL

“I do compliment the depiction of the salesperson. Those crazy-ass, unfocused eyes staring at a point in the distance several feet above Crock’s head. Yes, it is the perfect expression of someone who is dispensing free video games in plain brown wrappers on top of a cardboard box in the middle of the desert. Yeah, and he’s wearing a baseball hat backwards, just for kicks.” –Hogenmogen

“Sammy Slade? Is that the best that the Alliterative Name Generator XL4000 can come up with? Time to trade up to the new 5000.” –Midtown

“Speed dial? Is this 1997? It is? Okay.” –The Ghost of Jarrod

“Meanwhile, Dawn is silently dying inside as she realizes that she has no idea how to open the milk carton.” –Pozzo

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Termination Orders: It should be a routine mission, but it’s an ambush. Now for Dan Morgan, it’s about to end in D.C. on a national stage, in the crosshairs of a killer.

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Zits, 9/14/12

My wife and I got married seven years ago this week, and we were together for three years before that, so yes, there is a certain amount of gas-passing that goes on in each other’s presence at this point in our relationship, and by “a certain amount” I mean “good lord it is a constant chemical warfare battle of the sort banned by the Geneva Conventions.” And yet I still have a certain amount of sympathy for what’s going on at the bottom left of the third panel. Walt’s just shoveling spoon after spoon of fart-fuel into his gaping maw, blithely assuring his son that someday he and his true love will be so confident in each other’s affections that they’ll go through life hand-in-hand, surrounded by an invisible self-generated cloud of noxious gas, their farts mingling and becoming one; but Connie’s face is a frozen mask, as she tries to hide the fact that her soul dies a little every time Walt toots audibly at the dinner table. I mean, there’s a bathroom right up the hall, you know? It even has a fan.

Mary Worth, 9/14/12

Well, it looks like Dawn is going to be living a more meaningful life, since she’s sure to imbue the fact that her new boyfriend (DO NOT DOUBT THAT HE WILL BE HER NEW BOYFRIEND) has but one arm with much more meaning than the situation deserves. (As about a million people pointed out in the comments, Jim’s disability was completely obvious in yesterday’s strip and yet I managed to not notice it at all, whoops.) Will Jim turn out to be a war hero, or even a semi-hero like Gil’s ex-student? Or is he just some guy who shouldn’t have reached so far into the garbage disposal? Whatever the case, we all know who the real hero is here: Wilbur, for inventing the Meat-Tart that Jim is enjoying with one-handed ease.

Dennis the Menace, 9/14/12

It appears that a shifty-eyed Dennis the Menace has decided on a new tactic in his war against society’s strictures: hard-line Calvinist theology. Isn’t the omnipotent God, who created the universe and predetermined our very ends before time began, the real menace here?

Momma, 9/14/12

“Francis, you have 17 of your friends on ‘speed dial,’ despite the fact that your phone appears to be a rotary-dial bakelite model of the sort not produced in more than 25 years. Why? And, more importantly, How?”