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As you head into your Labor Day weekend, enjoy this COTW, won’t you?

“The Keane kids have to see who’s going to be chosen in this year’s family vote to be sacrificed for the harvest. There’s a lot of talk around Billy, but I wouldn’t count out PJ yet.” –pugfuggly

Also, enjoy this hilarious runners up!

“Pluggers don’t live in places that have 500-page Yellow Pages books. I call shenanigans.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“When yo’ mama sits around the Internet, she sits around the Internet … like on all the websitses … ’cause there’s so many of ’em … I’ll come in again.” –Ian Beste

“Rusty’s just phoning in his stupidity. ‘Some bad guys I’ve never seen before were just menacing me. Oh, look, that formerly abandoned house now appears to be occupied. It would be a good idea for me to see who’s there now.’ Doesn’t he care enough to put more effort than that into getting into peril?” –Randy

“The soil is especially rich [in LoFo], thanks to the remains of all the rotting criminals tied to trees and forgotten over the past few decades. (The Indian burial ground, where Rusty finds old arrowheads, is just a couple of miles from the criminal mulching ground, where Rusty finds old sideburns.)” –Shrug, Speaker to Spam

“I’ve done it! I’ve finally seen a Barney Google strip where none of their hideous tongues are flopping out of their skulls. I am free!” –zaratustra

“RIP Mary Worth … She is dead in that panel, right?” –sporknpork

“I think I see what’s happened here. Wilbur has been set free. He’s got a new column as a dashing adventure-blogger, a world traveler who delights us with his witty observations and scrapes with disaster. Sort of a prosciutto-stuffed Bill Bryson. Meanwhile Mary has become a freelance-drone, hunched over the keyboard trying to turn content on deadline, probably as a click bait to the paper’s erstwhile sponsors. We’re talking a bold new direction here, and papers across the country will now be invited to carry bold new storyline comic The Wilbs, designed to appeal to the male 60+ balding overweight loner demographic, who coincidentally are the only people actually reading newspapers nowadays. It will run next to Pluggers.” –geekwhisperer

“The ‘first ballot’ thing may be a Hall of Fame voting reference, since the kids are playing baseball. This also might explain once and for all the freakishly oversized heads of the Keane kids: they’ve taken steroids, the better with which to humiliate their schoolyard sports opposition.” –Windier E. Megatons

“I liked Dawn better when she moped all the time. And I hated her then.” –debussy fields

“Who owns a suit in Hootin’ Holler? Anyone with a shovel and the ability to dig 6 feet down.” –Chareth Cutestory

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/31/12

Lukey has a rash because he’s been wearing that borrowed suit for a long time without cleaning it, so he has various skin parasites now.

Six Chix, 8/31/12

This office break room is haunted by the ghostly shades of all the people whose murders this hulking woman has covered up.

Hagar the Horrible, 8/31/12

Is Hagar filthy because his wife won’t inspect him closely — or does she refuse to get close enough to examine him because his hygiene is so bad?

Beetle Bailey, 8/31/12

This is one of the oldest, corniest jokes I’ve ever seen on the comics pages, but it’s structured around unlikable bully Sarge writhing around in pain after injuring himself, so I guess I’ll let it pass.

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Gil Thorp, 8/30/12

Say, did you hear the one about the one-armed golfer? He was the subject of this summer’s Gil Thorp storyline, which turned out to not be that interesting! Wrapping up briefly: we learned that One-Armed Steve was full of rage because he did in fact lose his arm in a non-heroic fashion (car accident while on a military base overseas), and his attempts to woo Molly Kinsella failed not because he was an amputee but because he’s a grown man and she’s still in high school, gross. But all that psychic pain was nothing a little match play couldn’t cure, so Steve got cleaned up and has learned to love life again. So instead of getting a real job and getting back on his feet, he’s going to become yet another Milford community member offering the high school no-cost coaching services! It’s a win for everyone, but mostly for Gil.

And now our fall drama is taking shape! Anita Visci is taking cookies to her new neighbor … who refers to them as “biscuits,” which means that she’s English, probably! Will her son refuse to play decent American football and instead demand equal time for his British freak sports, like rugby or cricket or punting? Will Maeve take the pram to the lift on the telly in the boot or whatever? Stay tuned!

Family Circus, 8/30/12

Ha ha, yes, we all know little kids all over this great country of ours will be glued to the tube for the next couple of weeks, thrilling to the minutia of parliamentary procedure! Actually, this cartoon is kind of dating itself, as the last presidential nominating convention where there was realistic suspense about how things would go on the first ballot was (I think) in 1980, so maybe kids were smarter then?

Blondie, 8/30/12

Dagwood has gone through all the trouble of baking a pizza in an oven, and yet he’s still leaving his hat on while he eats. I don’t know why this bothers me, but it does.