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Hi and Lois, 4/14/12

The people in this scene don’t go from smiley to frowney because of Thirsty’s little jab — obviously they’re all well acquainted with the sad, hateful Thurston marriage’s dynamics. No, the sudden shift in mood comes because between panels they’ve all fallen through some kind of wormhole portal into a literal mirror universe, where everything is swapped right-to-left. Good luck processing right-handed amino acids in this terrifying hostile dimension, guys!

Mark Trail, 4/14/12

“Do you think he’ll like my green lipstick? I know he’s a square who hates marijuana, hopefully it won’t freak him out too much.”

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HI EVERYBODY, your faithful Comics Curmudgeon is having a terrible allergy attack and is high on the Sudafed, apologies if this collection of comments makes little/no sense but here they are:

Mark Trail: “I shall never tire of a small boat, green inside, green outside, one green oar, green engine, is there an anchor? Is it green? I sure hope so.” –Not Just Any Dipstick

There are runners up that are also funny!

“The ‘highway’, Josh? Take a look at the ground under that truck. E. Bunny doesn’t have time to use roads to deliver his eggs, he just drives onto the grass and lobs a basket through the closest ground-level window. Happy Easter, y’all! The chocolate should give the kids plenty of energy to help mommy and daddy resod the lawn and replace a pane of glass.” –pugfuggly

“I don’t care if you’re a pioneering medical hero who practically invented modern nursing, I need a doctor! I’m talking to the bearded guy pushing a gurney rather than the professional woman with a clipboard behind me because I have the proportional sexism of a spider.” –Ed Dravecky

“Lois appears to be dressed in a late-60s/early 70s superhero outfit. She’s the amazing Lowballer, with her mutant ability to detect others’ despair and turn it into profit!” –Pozzo

“Shoe should show a helpful guide at the side of each strip to show you how high you must be to find the strip funny. Today’s strip would be rated as three oxycontin, a fifth of peppermint schnapps, and a full bottle of Mylanta.” –NoahSnark

“It figures that Mary is one of those annoying people who always have something to serve to guests when they come by: a nice slice of frozen Sara Lee White Pie, or some Pepperidge Farms YellowMounds, with a steaming cup of ‘?'” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“‘You — you’re awake?!’ It’s a mixed marriage.” –Doctor Handsome

Also this long comment from Master Softheart about Phantom franchise opportunities is way too long to reproduce here but is awesome and you should read it.

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B.C., 4/13/12

Hey, let’s talk about jokes, shall we? Let’s say you want to write a joke about about a rabbit who likes hip-hop music. I know, pretty funny, right? Because rabbits hop about? I mean, you know, the Preakness, a legitimate million-dollar horse race with a storied history, couldn’t resist making a rapping pirate Easter Bunny one of their mascots, so really, how could we expect B.C. to resist?

BUT HERE’S THE THING ABOUT JOKES, which is that you need some kind of set up, right? Like, here your set up is “all the animals are telling their favorite kind of music, and we want to the interrogator to be irritated by the cute puns by the time he gets to the hip-hop liking rabbit.” Except! The snake likes grunge music and the turtle likes easy listening, which, unless I am woefully out of the loop about animal stereotypes, have nothing to do with their species. They’re just … arbitrary musical genres. Here’s what the bird-thing should say in the final panel: “Oh, please, say hip-hop! I want the world to make some sort of sense, if only for a moment!”

Baldo, 4/13/12

Aw, Baldo is having a hard time working up the nerve to talk to a girl he likes, so his friend Cruz has brought him a Halloween prop to practice with! I don’t really talk about Baldo very much here, but I do read it every day, and when important things happen, like the title character being encouraged to hump a sex doll dressed as a witch, I feel obliged to bring them to your attention.

Spider-Man, 4/13/12

Well, Spidey, it looks like MJ just woke up without any help from you! “She’s just … someone I rescued — that’s all,” he says. “Yeah, rescued, that’s it.”