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Mary Worth, 5/8/23

Welp, looks like Ed and Estelle are happy and Ed’s workplace problems are squared away, and Wilbur is emotionally processing his heartbreak the best he can (i.e., not particularly well), so it’s time for a new adventure … a nautical adventure, for Jeff and Mary. What surprise does Dr. Jeff have for his longtime beau? Is this going to be yet another failed marriage proposal? Or is he going to take Mary to the private island he recently acquired, where he can hunt men for sport without meddling Big Government getting in his way?

Gil Thorp, 5/8/23

Meanwhile, Gil is bringing his mother to see one of the little games he coaches, so she can die in the pleasant afternoon air, knowing her son could’ve been a doctor or lawyer or something but instead decided to do this, and do it pretty half-assed.

Dick Tracy, 5/8/23

It feels on-brand for Dick Tracy that this guy is threatening to set off an explosive device in a crowded exhibition hall and all the talk is about the potential damage to a rare World War II-era Monopoly game. “No! No! Our blood and viscera will be smeared all over these collectables! Their condition will have to be downgraded to ‘Fair’ and their resale value will plummet!”

Pluggers, 5/8/23

On January 12, 2007, the nationally syndicated newspaper panel Pluggers declared that the front of a refrigerator, covered with various notes and such held up by magnets, was “a plugger’s MySpace.” Today, MySpace is long gone, but Pluggers? It’s still going strong — plugging away, if you will, bringing joy to newspaper readers everywhere. What I’m trying to say is that TikTok is on notice.

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Marvin, 5/7/23

Like Hagar the Horrible, Marvin hasn’t exactly introduced a ton of new characters over in recent years. I’m pretty sure “Marty” is new, though. Marty! The guy Marvin’s dad refuses to humiliate himself in front of! As opposed to, you know, all the other characters, where he has absolutely no shame about it. Anyway, not sure how much mileage we can actually get out of that dynamic, so wisely they didn’t bother putting the effort into drawing Marty. You’ll just have to use your imagination, I guess!

Family Circus, 5/7/23

Big Daddy Keane! You think your old age is going to be unpleasant without the kids, but have you considered that it might just feel that way because your future self has chosen to sit in an extremely uncomfortable-looking chair? Get a nice recliner, and have it shipped to your new house, the one that you don’t tell the kids the address to, it’ll be great, trust me.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/7/23

“Because I’m gonna need something to poop in when I need an excuse to not sing ‘Muddy Boots’! That’s right, Mud Mountain is back, baby!”

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Daddy Daze, 5/6/23

I definitely wouldn’t say I have a “favorite” Daddy Daze character — why would anyone say that, that would be insane — but I will admit that whenever I see the Daddy Daze daddy’s goth friend, I think “Well, this one’s going to be different, at least.” Today we learn that he … drinks out of the dog’s bowl, I guess? Possibly because he’s so depressed he can’t drag himself up off the floor, so when he’s thirsty he just drinks out of the dog’s bowl, even though it’s all full of dog hair? It’s nice that he can muster the energy to stand upright to talk to his best (only?) friend over their backyard fence, but I suppose when it comes to being in the house by himself, the dog bowl’s right there, so why bother making the arduous climb to the sink. Do you think he even owns a dog?

Pluggers, 5/6/23

I actually laughed at today’s Pluggers because of how alarmed the chicken-lady plugger is about this. It’s called behavior-based advertising and it’s fine, chicken-lady! Well, it’s not, honestly, it’s a sign of our creeping lack of control over our own personal data and privacy, but it’s been like 15+ years at this point and (gestures around vaguely, including at the ads on this very website) it’s basically fine. Maybe you should get a walk-in bathtub! The computers think you’re interested and they’re rarely wrong.