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Oh look, it’s your comment of the week! Right here!

“Deep in the Algerian desert, the countdown for Gerboise Bleue nears zéro. The range safety officer peers through binoculars into the shimmering heat, his hands slick with sweat and fear, as the ferocious Sun rises, not knowing that today it would have a twin on Earth. Was there something new there, near the shot tower? Mon Dieu, he realizes, a Bedouin tent! He toggles his radio to call off the test when the Sun’s frère blooms down range. Poor bastards, he thinks as he dives into his trench. At least they died rapidement. One can only hope they were making love, and not arguing about toilettes.” –Voshkod

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I think the big news here is that evidently Not Me and Ida Know split up.” –Pozzo

Life imprisonment without court martial might seem like a harsh punishment during peacetime, but the defense of the nation can allow no tolerance for ventriloquism.” –jroggs

Today’s entry is a reminder in case any of the readers thought the Chix were living large off this strip.” –Hibbleton

“You must admit, ‘I wish it was still the 1970’s!’ is pretty much the mission statement of the newspaper comics industry. This will be clipped and placed on as many as a dozen refrigerators around the country.” –pastordan

“Look. I’ll be the one to point out that Iris didn’t accept Zak’s proposal in the heady emotional rush of a brush with death, she did so hours later, in bed. Zak has a very specific value-add in this relationship, and I’m not saying it can’t be the basis for a long and mutually fulfilling life of wedded bliss, I’m just saying if you want the white rice with hamburger gravy to keep coming, you’d better time the request right buddy.” –Dan

We make such a great team! Your strength is falling off cliffs, and mine is eventually, reluctantly pulling you up. We’ll be unstoppable!” –Violet

“I like how we don’t see actually see Zak in today’s strip, leaving open the possibility that a delirious Iris is play-acting a misguided proposal fantasy, voice modulation and all. Meanwhile, the real Zak is at home, trying to change a lightbulb while standing atop a blender.” –Irrischana

“I had a tough time figuring out what was going on in panel 2. Then I realized that linebacker Nick was such a wildman that all he knew was ‘BALL … KILL’ and was tackling his own teammates.” –Inspector Gotcha

“As the midterm elections come to a close, Americans are divided now more than ever. But today’s Beetle Bailey shows us how two different groups can work together towards compromise, so that each gets something they want. Humorists get to poke fun of the slow, painful death of Print Media, while the old, horny men employed by Print Media score a panel of General Halftrack looming over a prostrate Miss Buxley.” –Carsick Yankee

“Yeah, I’m sure that Mr Mountain is about to have a massive coronary, but I think this scene reads much funnier if you imagine that he’s been caught in a massive lie about being a country singer. ‘Ok folks just a minute … one second … j-just tuning up here … OH WOW IS THAT MERLE HAGGARD SITTING AT THE BAR?’ [leaps off stage and through a fire exit]” –pugfuggly

“What if Mud has crippling anxiety that has caused his career to self-destruct, and he self-medicates with food? I mean, he can still shit himself — you gotta give the people what they want — I just think coronary has been done to death.” –Old School Allie Cat

Things to do? Lists to make? People to contact? That’s funny, the same would’ve been the case for Zak’s funeral, had Iris been unable to save him. Damn it, there’s just no getting away from these fancy events, is there?” –made of wince

“In idle moments, Iris and Zak can amuse themselves by trying to think of yet more ways to work the words ‘usual’ and ‘upcoming’ into their conversations. ‘Upcoming’ is a funny word, isn’t it? If one of them is about to barf, they can use it as a warning: ‘Upcoming!’” –Peanut Gallery

“‘Mr. Wilson does live in this vicinity, but where? To learn that you must solve my series of ever more fiendish riddles…’ ‘I’ll try next door.’” –Anonymous (but not that one)

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Mary Worth, 11/11/22

“Nah, babe. Even the prospect of our tragic death can only shake us out of the boring ruts of our usual routine for a day or so. That’s why we’ve got to plan our upcoming wedding … it’s just out of the ordinary enough to make us feel like everything isn’t undifferentiated sameness with no beginning or end. And after the wedding? Well, we’ll just have to come up with something else, hopefully not suicide.”

Dennis the Menace, 11/11/22

I dunno man, I feel like it’s a bad sign that Mr. Wilson hasn’t even bothered to tape over that window or anything. Just left a big jagged hole! Like he’s given up on everything! I hope the UPS man isn’t delivering something he’s going to use to harm his neighbors, or himself.

Pardon My Planet, 11/11/22

A new addition to the list of Things You Can Just Put In A Newspaper Comic Now Where God And Everyone Can See It: a blowup sex doll. Congrats, Pardon My Planet!

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Gasoline Alley, 11/10/22

Gasoline Alley is, I admit, one of those strips I read out of a sense of professional obligation rather than a true inborn enthusiasm. Yet one can derive a real satisfaction from achievements that are wholly professional in nature! For instance, I’ve managed to keep the “Rufus is fucking the mayor” plot thread close enough to the top of my mind that when I read the final panel of today’s strip I nodded sagely and thought to myself, “Ah, Walt’s going to get to ride on the back of a garbage truck, just like his hero Denzel Washington, because Rufus is fucking the mayor,” whereas I assume the typical comic reader simply shook their head in confusion and disgust before moving on to Garfield.

Judge Parker, 11/10/22

Oh, hey, remember how Abbey was running for mayor? Well, she lost, and she’s mainly mad that her ex, who for once in his life is doing something interesting, didn’t text her about it. Abbey is by my count the third character in this strip to unsuccessfully run for mayor, and frankly I can’t get enough of it. Keep losing, losers!

Dustin, 11/10/22

Look, I don’t care if Dustin dies first or his dad does. But one of them has got to go. At least one. They can’t keep taunting me like this.