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Gil Thorp, 10/21/22

Look, we all know that there’s supposed to be an apostrophe in “Yonkers,” and the joke is that Madame Yonker’s fever is up, meaning she’s sick, but wouldn’t it be funnier if that weren’t the case? “What’s up is Madame Yonkers Fever, the latest craze where we all take turns pretending to be ‘Madame Yonkers,’ a French teacher that we made up! C’mon, Gil, join in on the fun! It’s been in Time and Newsweek, and, I assume, on TikTok.”

Dick Tracy, 10/21/22

So Steelface is the guy whose nephew is doing Vitamin’s comics play, and his particular criminal gimmick is that he’s running some kind of auto theft ring, and, unrelated, has a metal face. Today’s strip is particularly evocative: despite working in the shadowy underworld, Steelface still speaks the language of modern capitalism, in which the vehicles at the heart of his operation are reduced to mere “units” that must be “processed,” and processed more efficiently to boot. Goodwin tries to play along, but he still sees each stolen car as a unique individual and dares to share his truth with his boss and let him know what makes each of them special.

Mary Worth, 10/21/22

Sure, dating a younger man seems cool: the sex is great, and they’re more likely to have made millions from their app startup than someone your age. But there are downsides: they’re much more prone to dying in an Instagram-related accident before your very eyes. Beware!

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/20/22

You know what? You, yes you, have made the conscious choice to taked time out of your one wild and precious life to read a weblog called “The Comics Curmudgeon,” and sometimes the posts on that weblog aren’t going to be really very intellectual or high-falutin’ and will instead just boil down to “god I find this particular comic strip irritating.” Anyway, today’s Mother Goose and Grimm irritates me because I want the “lake” part of the setup to figure into the punchline. It rhymes with “bake and shake” but it turns out not be relevant at all? Usually the generic version of this kind of wish actually refers to the “ocean,” which is why using a rhyme like this that ends up a red herring is all the more annoying to me. Is there a lake that’s profoundly important to the Mother Goose and Grimm deep lore? One I don’t know about?

Judge Parker, 10/20/22

What’s it gonna be, Sam? Are you gonna listen to your soon to be ex-wife, who is divorcing you but still wants your life to be as boring as possible, or your former legal secretary, who wants to go after the the crooked cops and the meth gangs tonight with absolutely zero time spent strategizing in any way? Huh? What’s it gonna be? Think of your readers, Sam, your readers. They’re desperate for entertainment! And you’re one of the main characters in this strip, so you’re not going to die on this adventure! Probably!

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/19/22

So, I guess several years ago Susan Smith thought about killing herself, but she was saved by the fortunate arrival of Ed Crankshaft, who revealed that he too in a moment of great personal darkness contemplated taking his own life. Susan will now move forward powered by the revelation that Ed is about to bestow upon her that’s defined his life for the past 50+ years: that you can take that overwhelming self-loathing and turn it outwards, and that you can make your own misery bearable by making literally every person you interact with miserable as well.

Beetle Bailey, 10/19/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because Miss Buxley is subject to endless sexual harassment at the workplace that the army refuses to do anything to stop, so she’s resorting to desperate measures!

Dennis the Menace, 10/19/22

Look, man, your dad put on a tuxedo for this bullshit, so what if he had to psych himself up in the bathroom for a little bit before you left, cut him some slack