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Funky Winkerbean, 1/28/22

Sad (?) news, everyone: it turns out Lisa didn’t fake her death after all. Instead, it seems that Les literally couldn’t tell the difference between his freshly dead wife and some neighbor lady (yesterday’s strip established that he saw her out by the birdfeeder), and also said neighbor lady decided that talking to Les would be a gross, unpleasant experience and so she didn’t bother doing it. That all is in fact extremely sad, but it also absolutely tracks.

Mary Worth, 1/28/22

Good (?) news, everyone: it turns out Wilbur is alive, which we knew, and that he managed to somehow shave and find a new shirt before he got around to letting all his loved ones know he wasn’t dead. Look how overjoyed and relieved they are! They’re in such a state of frenzied Wilbur-love that they’re about to group-tackle him and tear him to pieces, like the crazed Maenads at the end of Euripdes’ The Bacchae! That all is in fact good news, extremely good news indeed.

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Blondie, 1/27/22

Definitely my favorite character in today’s Blondie is Dagwood’s nameless co-worker, who’s just sipping his coffee and watching Dagwood post to Sandwichr, the social network for sandwiches and those who love them. Sure, it’s not that much fun to see someone else typing on the computer, but it kills some time, and Dagwood’s bound to say something wacky eventually, right? Anyway, despite what we’ve been led to believe by this strip, I think Mr. Dithers might be a little too lenient on his employees, actually.

Shoe, 1/27/22

Say what you will about the uncanny parody of human society that these sapient birds are acting out in the treetops here, but given that Roz has not only had a car accident but gone through an entire legal settlement process in the time since she saw the Perfesser last — and given how frequently he has lunch there, that can’t have been more than 48 hours or so — their legal system must be incredibly efficient.

Mary Worth, 1/27/22

Oh my God did this MFer really not make a phone call home as soon as he could and instead just decided to “surprise” all his friends and family by not being dead??? I certainly hope he’s about to start rapping out a truly awful parody of the Beastie Boys’ “Hey Ladies” with lyrics he wrote about his escape from death, obliterating any sense of goodwill any of the aforementioned ladies feel towards him.

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Mary Worth, 1/26/22

I hate to say that Mary doesn’t understand even the basic outlines of the personalities of the people she spends all her time with, but I can guarantee you that, if Wilbur’s soul were looking down from heaven, he would very much not want anyone taking a stiff upper lip attitude about his death, but in fact would be achieving the angelic equivalent of physical arousal at the thought of various women weeping and tearing at their hair because they miss him so much. I’m reasonably sure that he’s taking his sweet time asking to borrow a cell phone from anyone on Party Island precisely so he can pump Mary for information about exactly how sad everyone was thinking he was dead. It certainly would be a shame if he overplayed his hand and everyone turned on him once he got back!

Funky Winkerbean, 1/26/22

Speaking of fake deaths, remember when Lisa called Les to stop him from getting on a plane, after she died, which was never really followed up on? What I’m trying to say is that Mary Worth couldn’t let us think Wilbur was dead for more than a week, but if it turns out that Funky Winkerbean has managed to fool us for 15 years, I will frankly be willing to forgive an awful lot.