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Fast Track, Judge Parker, and Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/13/20

“Well, this worldwide coronavirus pandemic is going to affect people’s ability to travel or gather in large groups, and is even modifying how we greet each other, but probably the whole world won’t be on lockdown with most economic activity suspended by the time these strips run!” –newspaper comic strip creators a few weeks ago, apparently

Between Friends, 4/13/20

“The worldwide coronavirus pandemic will have the greatest impact on our most vulnerable population: horny people who rely on business travel to hook up with sex partners.” –the creators of Between Friends, keeping their eyes on the real issues, as usual

Mark Trail, 4/13/20

I very much love that the Crowleys feel like they have to make a stirring emotional appeal here, rather than just saying, “Well, society frowns on it when you just leave a little boy to die in the woods.” And, you know, I get it! Have you seen Kevin?

Dennis the Menace, 4/13/20

We’ve discussed Dennis’s tentative journey towards literacy before, so now I’m spending a lot more time than I really should contemplating why Dennis sitting at the feet of a girl he normally loudly claims to be unable to stand, waiting for her to do something for him he could probably do himself, and I’m feeling personally menaced by the answers I’m coming up with and what it portends for their relationship post-puberty!

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Blondie, 4/12/20

It’s honestly sad that Dagwood’s two favorite things — food and sleep — have betrayed him like this, combining into a nightmare melange of psycho-sexual horror. There are so many things to be disturbed by here, but for me, the worst is the contrast between the pulled pork and yankee pot roast, both foodstuffs made up of animal tissue transformed into a slurry that can be shaped at will, and the turkey, which still contains the skeletal structure of the deceased bird. Yet in its anthropomorphized dream form, the turkey’s eyes are at its anterior end, and the incision into its gut is transformed into a hungry mouth. As the various foods begin to devour Dagwood in revenge for his failure to devour them, his cry of pain indicates that these monstrosities have real, sharp teeth. Truly one of the most harrowing things I’ve seen in the comics in years.

Beetle Bailey, 4/12/20

In a perfect world, Chaplain Stainglass’s parishioners would be spontaneously moved to tithe by religious feeling, or at least from the sense of community their church provides. But the chaplain knows that in this fallen wold of ours, there are only two things that motivate mortal sinners — lust and fear — and he’s not too proud to use both as fundraising tools.

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Dennis the Mance, 4/11/20

Yes, yes, the real menace here is that Dennis’s mom is forcing her son to be a messenger in her marital psychodrama, and is just standing in the doorway watching him do it to boot, but I cannot get over the suitcase that Henry is backing for his bacchanalian trip to Sin City. Crisp white dress shirt after crisp white dress shirt … blue check pants, or maybe a sport jacket, or maybe a whole suit … those ladies aren’t gonna know what hit ’em!

Dick Tracy, 4/11/20

Many people worry: how will the elderly and others not fully plugged in to the internet stay informed as print media finally dies out? Well, don’t worry: they can just pick up their old-timey crank-driven phones and call up their cop friends to find out what they missed.

Gil Thorp, 4/11/20

Say what you will about Gil Thorp, but the strip really knows how to build up to a narrative crescendo and end the week on a cliffhanger! A walk? In the third inning? I’m on the edge of my seat!