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Family Circus, 6/28/18

I have to say that I really, unironically enjoy today’s Family Circus, and what sells it for me is the children’s faces of genuine and visceral disgust. Then there’s the fact that cats generally are, over short distances, faster than people, but the Keane Kids still managed to beat Kittycat inside, almost as if she were struggling to drag in something very large, perhaps larger than herself. Is it a human arm? I’m hoping it’s a human arm.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/28/18

The joke here is of course that Darin has offloaded childcare duties on his elderly mother, who already had her hands so full caring for her stroke-striken and paralyzed husband that she had to quit the job she loved, and now she’s just completely exhausted and her grandchild is running around the house largely unsupervised! But I think it’s worth pointing out that, just to add a little color to today’s narrative, Darin and Mopey Pete are slouching across the street in the pouring rain, having neglected to bring protective clothing or umbrellas for whatever reason. Just putting that special Funkyverse twist of abject misery on proceedings!

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Gil Thorp, 6/27/18

So, I’ve mentioned this before, but Gil Thorp seems to be becoming increasingly unmoored from the rhythm of the school year, with baseball season stretching on interminably, wacky summer plots falling by the wayside, and the cleansing fall bonfire absent for the past two years. The result is that it’s almost July and we’re just now getting around to discussing Kevin Pelwecki’s college situation. Turns out that despite his amiably dopey exterior, he actually has middlingly decent good grades that got him accepted to the flagship state university of whatever state’s Milford’s in! Now I guess Gil’s going to dazzle State U’s baseball, or possibly football, coach with his fame to get Kevin a walk-on spot in the fall. Yay for Kevin! NOW LET’S BRING ON THE SUMMER, which will I guess be dominated by the headlines that a guy who killed a teen with his car isn’t a nice man.

Mark Trail, 6/27/18

I don’t know about you, but one of my longstanding fantasies is to watch a leering red-headed Ted Cruz try to flirt with an academic by asking about cutting-edge archaeological techniques, and that fantasy has now been … fulfilled, and it was everything I could’ve hoped for!

Crock, 6/27/18

That’s right, everyone: ladies all want to fuck the Batmobile! Only the syndicated newspaper comic strip Crock is brave enough to speak this truth, everyone else is too “politically correct.”

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Mary Worth, 6/26/18

Iris is right to be worried about guys who rush in, Tommy! Remember when she first moved to Charterstone and some guy made an overture at her at a pool party, and then after one date (if you can call it a date when you bring your daughter along with you) he was all like “I think the lady and I are going to be spending a lot of time together, mu ha ha ha!” and then one thing leads to another and suddenly he’s lurking in the bushes furiously wondering “Is he a professional? Or into illegal activities?” Anyway, take it slow is what we’re trying to get at, buddy!

Beetle Bailey, 6/26/18

It’s easy to project onto Beetle a a vague anti-militaristic sentiment, just because he seems so very uninterested in performing his duties as a soldier, but it turns out he loves the idea of bombing cities into rubble! Doesn’t feel any moral twinges about it at all! He’s just extremely lazy.

Blondie, 6/26/18

Dagwood definitely just agreed to have his organs harvested, right? Anyway, joke’s on Mr. Dithers or whoever had their eyes on his healthy young heart and liver: everything in his body cavity is like 90 percent deli meat at this point.