Oh, man, way to stick it to opera, am I right? Or, wait, no, maybe it’s actually sticking it to lowbrows who don’t like opera? Either way, this is a strip that clearly doesn’t care what toes it steps on!
Gil Thorp, 7/26/16
I’ve decided to stop worrying about Gil Thorp’s school year plowing merrily along in the final week of July and just enjoy the spectacle of Barry Bader rejecting all opportunities to Step Away From The Brink Of Monstrous Assholism. Today, we learn who the real culprit was in Boo’s death: no, not Barry’s drunk-driving dad, but physical media. CDs! They’re annoying, and out of date, and also deadly.
Six Chix, 7/26/16
Wait, so who exactly tossed this dead fish into the toilet? And who’s flushing it? And what is that purplish object the fishbowl is sitting on? And what did Uncle Billy, who almost certainly spawned in a tank in a pet store, know of the sea? I have a lot of problems with the world-building in this incredibly depressing cartoon about dead goldfish, is what I’m trying to say.
The absolute best part of today’s Shoe is how damn happy Shoe’s interlocutor looks here. “Fastest-moving parade I’ve ever seen,” Dexter says. “Because we all had to shit!” He beams. “Basically we ran through that parade route. Because we had to get to the end quickly, because otherwise we would’ve pooped our pants.” He’s overwhelmed with a sense of nostalgia for the day. “We had eaten all these prunes, you see. Prunes make you have to go to the bathroom. So all of us in the parade really had to take a dump. That’s why it went so fast!”
Mary Worth, 7/23/16
I’d be pretty happy if we just spent, like, a whole ’nother week on Tommy just lying around in bed enjoying the groovy feelings that Vicodin put into his body. I mean, just look at how happy he is! Don’t you want Tommy to be happy? Look at him gazing lovingly at the pill bottle in panel two as he sweats out the toxins! He doesn’t need to take more pills right now! He’s not a fiend. He just likes to know that they’re there. The bottle is comforting to look at. Ahhhhh! Sweet sweet Vicodin.
Hagar the Horrible, 7/22/16
One fun thing about strips set in the past is to see which aspects of the strip’s world are kept accurate and which are allowed to drift into anachronisms. For instance, for this joke we have to understand that, unlike actual 10th century Norway, Hagar’s milieu includes hotels, honeymoons, room service, and brochures. But at least it doesn’t include file cabinets. Thank god. That would’ve been a bridge too far! No, Hagar and Helga just keep their treasured memories in an actual treasure chest, the way real Vikings did.
Funky Winkerbean, 7/22/16
Haha, remember earlier this week when I mentioned how hard it is for readers to reconcile the new-style Funkyverse gloom with old-style wacky hijinks? Well, I guess it was hard for the author, too! Anyway, beloved Funky Winkerbean character Darin, biological son to tragically dead Lisa, is now himself tragically dead, shot through the heart in front of his best friend by a scared, angry sailor in the midst of wacky hijinks/attempted piracy. He is survived by his loving wife, who lost her father to an act of violence years ago, and his infant son. He will be missed.
Mother Goose and Grimm and Shoe, 7/22/16
Here’s a couple syndicated newspaper comics about old, wizened dudes defiantly and somewhat derangedly sneering at their looming, inevitable death, in what is definitely not a metaphor for the medium as a whole at all, no sir!