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Bizarro, 7/23/26

They say only humans live with knowledge of their own mortality. And it’s not all downside! A little “memento mori” buzzing in the background makes the colors seem brighter, the steaks juicier, the booze boozier, and reminds us all to enjoy every sandwich. But this guy doesn’t need reminders—he goes face‑to‑face with morte every working day. I bet his Friday nights are awesome.

Rhymes with Orange, 7/23/26

Tomorrow morning, Keith Richards will rise from the rubble and ask “Eh, wot’s fer breakfast?”

Pluggers, 7/23/26

Pluggers have evolved prehensile bellies, to stay fat without all the hard work of eating.

Hägar the Horrible, 7/23/26

Vikings sure had some weird kinks.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Shoe, 7/14/26

I appreciate that this joke could’ve worked fine by just saying that ol’ Uncle Herm was a lousy bowler; but no, we also gotta work in the fact that he was a big drunk as well. It’s nice to see the Perfesser is continuing the family tradition of nephews having a semi-close relationship with their alcoholic uncles. Will Skyler make visits to the graveyard to leave flowers on his tombstone when he dies, an event that, based on his general vibes, always seems imminent?

Dennis the Menace, 7/14/26

“The only motivations other people have for doing things all involve their feelings about me, the main character of reality” is admittedly a pretty menacing attitude to go through life with. You have to hand it to Dennis today, menace-wise!

Pluggers, 7/14/26

“Even the small bits of pleasure pluggers once took in everyday life have been transformed into nagging, painful reminders of their failing bodies.” —Pluggers, the comic strip beloved (???) by pluggers everywhere

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/9/26

As predicted, the scam twins (who are named Jean and Jane, I don’t think anyone predicted that) are indeed the nieces of notorious non-twin scam artist/Rex Morgan, M.D., antagonist Rene Belluso, who I guess really is just going by “Jimmy” now. Remember how he got extremely hit by a car and super-duper injured, back in January of 2024? Well, he’s still walking with canes today, in July of 2026, probably at least in part because of the substandard medical care he’s been receiving in prison. Anyway, this got kind of dark pretty fast so let’s move on to the next strip, shall we?

Mary Worth, 7/9/26

Speaking of beloved characters from the past, you might think that this is Tommy’s beloved old crackhead pal Vin, but apparently it’s some similarly stubble-headed guy named “Reno.” You can tell the difference because Vin was outgoing, effusive, and eager to share his drugs with his good friend, whereas Reno is aloof, standoffish, and makes you do the work of coming to him and asking respectfully if he has any drugs to sell. Anyway, you can always make jokes about Tommy’s drug problems! It’s never too dark!

Pluggers, 7/9/26

Speaking of drugs, I used to make jokes about pluggers getting high when talking about the Pluggers panels that revolve around prescription meds, but then someone admonished me about this and pointed out that most prescription meds aren’t mood-altering or addictive and many people need to take them and you shouldn’t conflate them with recreational drugs. Which is fair! But check out the pinpoint pupils on this she-plugger today. Most pluggers are only taking the prescription drugs they need to keep their failing bodies alive, but this plugger in particular is definitely packing a bunch of fun pills on her vacation. She’s extremely zooted right now, before she’s even left!