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Metapost: Whoopsie

GUYS! Uh, did you know that last week was a big schedule-disrupting travel holiday? That’s why I didn’t post a comment of the week post this past Friday, sorry, I’m sure your comments were all very good, but I’m declaring a COTW-Picking Amnesty and giving handsome Harry Backstayge an extra week.

Speaking of things I’m behing on, I’m still finalizing the line-up for this month’s installment of The Internet Read Aloud, but I can guarantee this: it’ll be good, and in Los Angeles on Friday at 8 pm. You should come!

And I also must give thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

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  • Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
  • And if you haven’t bought my novel yet, you should! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

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A ship of state adrift

Judge Parker, 11/28/16

The characters in Judge Parker, who have spent the last few decades as the unquestioned lords and masters of all they survey, with people just handing them money and power for no good reason, have now been abruptly brought low by a series of tragic events. Frankly, we’ve all been so focused on Neddy’s factory disaster and Sophie’s kidnapping that we’ve neglected another damsel in distress: April, Judge Parker Junior’s CIA assassin wife, who actually vanished before the change of writers, after being sent to do One Last Job in Belgrade.

Anyway, Randy’s been pretty broken up about it, obviously, and today’s strip reminds us of a reality of the newly grim Parkerburg: our heroes are so emotionally bereft as to be incapacitated, but they’re still in charge, which means that vital decisions are going unmade. Look at that huge stack of paperwork! Randy hasn’t heard a case in weeks, which means probably there are some people in jail who have no idea if they’ll ever get to trial, or maybe some businesses in limbo because lawsuits they’re involved in can’t move forward. Is Randy a criminal or civil judge? Who even knows? The point is, he’s sad about his wife, and the rest of you people will have to wait.

Curtis, 11/28/16

Curtis’s dad is giving his son a crash course on what life is like in this fallen world, where a constant stream of resources are needed to extend the lives of anything, from an advertising agency to an apartment building to a human body. Of course, all this effort still won’t stave off your inevitable death, but that’s a story for another day!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/28/16

“Shhh, June, no. I know what you’re thinking, but it isn’t true. Sarah isn’t the way she is because you worked when she was a baby. She’s that way because we summoned her into existence via unholy, forbidden science! I swear to you we have the procedure refined now!”

However many years of Wilbur’s clammy attentions have EARNED this for you, Iris

Dennis the Menace, 11/27/16

OK, yes, fine, we all know that the real menace here is comparing your restricted grown-up life to your carefree youth and blaming your partner rather than the realities and responsibilities of adulthood. But mostly I enjoy the depiction of Teen Henry Mitchell in panel three. He looks exactly like Adult Henry Mitchell, only wearing a hat.

Mary Worth, 11/27/16

OH MY GOD

THIS MARY WORTH STORYLINE IS REALLY GOING FOR IT

YOU KNOW, SEXUALLY

“IF YOU DON’T FLIRT, YOU’RE PROBABLY DEAD INSIDE” SAYS EPIGRAPH TO BORING OLD SOAP OPERA STRIP

“ABSOLUTELY CAST A WIDE NET AND EAGERLY SEEK OUT NEW SEXUAL PARTNERS” URGES MARY WORTH

THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING