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“CLEAN YOUR PLATE, CLEAN YOUR PLATE” the other adults cruelly chant

Family Circus, 5/17/15

That’s actually a fairly accurate visualization of the new Orion space capsule, Jeffy! I guess all that promotion NASA did on Sesame Street was money well spent. PJ, meanwhile, has the true mind of a child here: a child who has no control over what he eats and has to choke down whatever his parents put in front of him, and who dreams of revenge.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/17/15

Hootin’ Holler may be cut off from the benefits of modern society, such as electricity and running water, but is also insulated from some 21st century ills. “Of course thar’s a lot of news in the newspaper! That’s how it works!!” exclaims Snuffy, blissfully unaware of USA Today, network morning TV news shows, and BuzzFeed listicles.

The vast spaces between tables at this restaurant are great for privacy, not so much for profitable use of square footage

Mary Worth, 5/16/15

After a vigorous afternoon of hot air ballooning and ex-girlfriend-wooing, nothing chases the hunger away like a Smucker’s Uncrustables® Sandwich! Sadly, the questions in the Uncrustables® FAQ are mostly about how many hours after thawing that it’s still safe to eat these miracle sandwich-style food pods; there’s no guidance on just how strong you should be coming onto your ex when she tells you she wants to go slow. For instance, should you refer to her as your “future wife” to her face, or only to mutual acquaintances who you’re sure will tell her about it?

Dennis the Menace, 5/16/15

“Hmm, the art museum? Classy! I should put on a suit jacket before I go down there to talk shit about the paintings.” –a boy who just had his least menacing idea in months

Metapost: Mid-May COTW

Many funny comments this week, but this one was my top pick!

“Dolly knows that even with her bundlers she’s going to need to rely on soft money if she has any hope of unseating the incumbent Thel, who has a hefty war chest and the support of the high-waisted slacks lobby. Pretty sure this conversation with Jeffy qualifies as illegal coordination of campaign activity, though.” –Shoe Substitute

And yet I mentioned the many other funny ones, didn’t I? Here they are!

“I can already see the headlines: BILLIONAIRE POWER-COUPLE FOUND DEAD AT RANCH OF APPARENT HEART ATTACKS! RANCH OWNER TO INHERIT ENTIRE FORTUNE! ‘NOTHING SUSPICIOUS ABOUT THAT AT ALL’, SAY POLICE!” –pugfuggly

“Don’t worry, Max will have his revenge. Judging from the strange angle and lack of diffusion or flickering, that’s not really Max’s shadow — it’s a hell-dimension ghost-demon that will make sure ‘every word’ of Max’s story comes true tonight.” –BigTed

“I love the last panel of today’s Mary Worth, to the point that I wouldn’t mind seeing it as part of every strip from now on. There’s something comforting about the thought that no matter where you are, no matter what’s happening, somewhere, someone’s taking a ride in a hot air balloon and thoroughly enjoying themself.” –Enlong

“I may not know much about art, but I know it isn’t drawing hydroencephalitic five year olds that look like Newt Gingrich.” –Mikey

“Whoa, there, Voiceover Box! BETTER SWITCH TO DECAF!” –boojum

“I still insist that Sarah is not a child at all but rather folksy NPR humorist Garrison Keillor in a very bad wig.” –Joe Blevins

“Speaking of leadership, when do I get to be the Phantom? Do I have to kill you?” –Liam

“I saw the Rex Morgan strip right after the Judge Parker one and was confused/outraged that there were two of the same stupid soap strips in one day. I’m pretty convinced that despite the two separate ‘storylines’ they’re really just the same bland rich white people who never actually have to do the jobs in their titles. I’ve only devoted enough space in my brain for unholy hybrid Rex Parker, JD, and I’m comfortable with that.” –Revenge of Chestnut

This whole thing is starting to make my HEAD hurt! But not as much as my arm right now. Dear God, how am I doing this?” –Jack loves comics

‘This whole thing is starting to make my head hurt!’ Well, tough luck, Spidey. That blanket is staying modestly clutched about MJ’s clavicle until you answer her riddles three.” –Tonya

There’s a fantastic place I want us to check out! It’s called a barn. Do you like eggs? Ever tried ’em raw? How about sucking milk straight from a cow’s udder? Since we’ve been apart I’ve totally gotten into the whole locavore thing.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I’m pretty sure Sarah’s neck is getting narrower with each passing day. Apparently her oversized head is devouring the rest of her body.” –dmsilev

“As a three-year old I was chased by a homicidal flock of geese for no reason at all, so ‘aaah geese’ is the first line in Mark Trail I can truly relate to.” –C. Sandy Cyst

Evil? I’m coming, Gabby! But to be honest, you had me at ‘dangerous.’” –Hogenmogen

“That was so exciting my human skin mask almost came off!” –TheDiva

‘Monies’? Prithee, methinks Dolly hath been left in front of Shakespeare ’pon the television.” –Horace Boon

“Someone needs to splice the hot air balloon that’s carrying boring ex-cop #1 (female) and boring ex-cop #2 (male) from Monday’s Mary Worth into the last panel of today’s Mark Trail. We could all then imagine, with joy and satisfaction, the last words of the boring ex-cops as ‘Aahhh! Geese!’ as their anserine assaulters take down the hot air balloon in a welter of blood, feathers, and flame.” –Voshkod

“There’s some serious ‘Check these out!’/’Oh, I am’ action going in panel three, which Dashell is totally missing.” –Pozzo

“I’m not in the movie business, but isn’t it traditional for the actress and the stunt double to have the same colored hair?” –But What Do I Know

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