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Mary Worth, 10/10/25

Mary’s looking pretty frazzled in panel two, and who can blame her, what with her having just been in a freak balloon accident and then brushed off by a fireman who didn’t want to make small talk while he was in the middle of a complex rescue operation. Still, she has to realize that the scenario she’s describing makes no sense, right? Why would Saul and Eve send dogs to find her, when they didn’t even know she was missing? Soon enough she’s going to put two and two together, and then either set up a full-on cult that worships Olive, or sell her to a lab where her brain can be studied and possibly profited from.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/10/25

I guess I don’t know for sure that there’s no such thing as a physical drone store, though if I were buying a drone, I’d probably just get one online, like a normal person. But if there are such retail establishments, I feel confident in saying that the staff there does not wear tuxedos to work. I wish we lived in that glorious and classy world, but unfortunately we do not.

Judge Parker, 10/10/25

“She needs someplace where she can be just a kid again … you know, like a vast estate owned by the richest lady in town, where she can ride horses all day. Normal, relatable kid stuff. Will there be other children there for her to play with? Ha ha, goodness no.”

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Crankshaft, 10/9/25

Look, characters in comic strips are, ultimately, not real people, and while you can chuckle at their antics, you ultimately shouldn’t feel bad for them. Especially not Ed Crankshaft, who’s a real asshole. Still, I can’t look at panel three here, where he has an extremely bleak facial expression as he’s compelled, apparently against his will, to make wordplay with “wiener” in it that doesn’t make sense at all but vaguely sounds like he’s referring to masturbation, and not feel a frisson of sympathy. He doesn’t want this! Nobody wants this!

Blondie, 10/9/25

You all know that I depend on Blondie, whose characters are spiritually boomers even if they’re younger in age as drawn, to find out what old people are doing on the computer. It’s not gambling, I guess! They’re still doing that the old fashioned way, by handing over wads of cash to some guy in their office building. They’re leaving losing life-damaging sums of cash on absurd parlays via an app to the young people, and, you know what, good for them.

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B.C., 10/8/25

I find it funny that [pause to once again consult the character list in the “B.C. (comic strip)” Wikipedia article because I can’t remember which of three main male characters is which] Thor comes in portentously relaying some “fact” he learned in a book that’s actually just a math calculation, and I find it very funny that the calculation is wrong (the actual answer is around $110,173). I suppose the suggestion that we could solve the larger issue with sex work is also pretty funny, though it seems petty to point out that it won’t really help if we just sell sexual services to each other. No, we need to market our hot vids to the deep-pocketed European, Asian, and Gulf markets if we want to wipe out the national debt, which is why I’m promoting an agenda to Make America Sexy Again, Or Perhaps For The First Time.

Mary Worth, 10/8/25

Sorry, man, I’m sure they do good work, but I refuse to believe that the fire department in a small California seaside community is the “best in the business.” C’mon, Olive, you’re a New Yorker now, this is exactly the sort of thing that’s supposed to trigger an insufferable monologue about the guys who put out fires in The Greatest City In The World, actually.