Whenever I see a face in the comics that looks more face-like than the usual stylized conventions of whatever strip it’s in, I immediately assume it’s supposed to be a real person. Because I am vaguely attuned to pop culture but mostly an increasingly out-of-touch middle-aged man, my first thought about today’s Blondie was, “Wait, is what’s-her-name getting married? From The Hills?” Turns out no, she’s having a baby, and it’s spelled with an “i” anyway. So who’s this lady supposed to be, do you think? Someone who won a contest, or lost a bet?
Mary Worth, 11/21/15
“Serendipity” is a real restaurant in Manhattan that exists, and does indeed seem to have a hardcore tchotchke clutter aesthetic, so, kudos to Mary Worth for accuracy, I guess? Also, I honestly can’t stop thinking about my new theory that what we see in Mary Worth is in fact Mary’s own version of events, as told to someone else later. What I’m trying to say is that the dialogue here sounds like Mary’s rationale for kidnapping Olive away from people who “don’t make her feel good” because they “don’t understand her” (i.e., her parents).
Apartment 3-G, 11/21/15
“SO SMILE MARGO, AND MOVE ON”: THE LAST WORDS SPOKEN IN APARTMENT 3-G
EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE
Hey guys, here’s your week’s top comment:
“‘I’ve got it right here in my hand — it’s a invisible sandwich I made just for you! Can you see it Olive? Do you want it Olive? DO YOU OLIVE?!’ [Shoves it in her face, howling like a witch]” –Tigernan Douglas Quinn, on Facebook
And here are your very funny runners up!
“Mary is clearly tipping the cabbie with a candy bar.” –lumaca morente
“‘Sorry scientists, there’s no way to find the snowmobile-riding robber,’ Slylock says, as a snowmobile parks 10 metres away from him and its driver takes shelter in the igloo right under his nose. ‘Absolutely impossible.’ No wonder the willful murder of presumably-intelligent, certainly-distressed fish taking place right behind him is going totally unnoticed.” –Schroduck
“Considering that Mary’s outside and the only thing she’s ‘downstairs’ from is the sky, I have to conclude she’s calling God right now. ‘Hi, it’s Mary! I’m downstairs! That’s right, just wanted to remind you I’m still here! Ciao, motherfucker.’” –Jack loves comics
“The panel of Mary saying ‘THANK YOU!’ needs to be applied under signs reading ‘PLEASE FLUSH THE TOILET BEFORE LEAVING THE RESTROOM!’” –made of wince
“I stopped reading halfway through the first Rex Morgan line, rendering it ‘Milton calls for a vote on Hugh’s deal and all.’ Like, yeah, what even IS Hugh’s deal and all? Raise your hand if you think Hugh’s deal and all is just so totally whatever!” –Hth
“I love the unconscious bad guy’s face in panel 1. The blank eyes rolling into the back of his head will absolutely not haunt my dreams tonight.” –hogenmogen
“And speaking of hot spots … step on over to our conversation pit, where Ed and I often engage in the most scintillating and provocative conversations, usually about sweaters.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“As this long-running strip shuffles into the twilight, focus on resolving various narratives is misplaced. This week, we’re saying goodbye to the important characters: the weird squiggle painting, the fern, heavy drapes, tall dressers with books on top, the table lamps. (The bottom half of the humans have long since departed and will never been seen again.)” –pastordan
“Yes, Mary, it sure is nice when things are convenient, rather than inconvenient. You know what else is convenient, Mary? Hotels. New York — and I’m not sure if you heard this — has, like, a bunch of them.” –Joe Blevins
“A trip to the Big Apple isn’t complete without sampling its world renowned snacks, walking down notable streets, and purchasing goods from a well-known merchant. Who knows? You might bump into someone from show-biz!” –Tonya
“Boog and Slim, huh? In the wide Venn diagram between Gasoline Alley and HBO’s The Wire, there does exist a small common area in nicknames. That, and an unending sense of despair.” –pugfuggly
(And here I must interrupt because a certain somebody tipped me off that faithful reader pugfuggly defended his PhD thesis today, so let’s wish him well! He’s been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, now finally he’s Dr. Pugfuggly.)
“‘Mom, what’s a TV?’ ‘It’s like a giant one-way phone, dear.’” –Chyron HR
“Daisy knows what’s up. She interrupts her nap long enough to give a knowing look to the audience that says ‘if that kid doesn’t keep her mouth shut, she’ll blink us all out of existence.’” –The Might Untrained FOOZLE
“Momma talks about her ‘grown son,’ which implies that somewhere she has ungrown sons, perhaps in a dimly-lit chamber of biological horrors. That’s the room you need to lock from the outside, Momma.” –Voshkod
“From death’s door to rejecting suitors and sneering at her mother in a matter of days. Surely this should land her on the cover of The New England Journal of Medicine.” –maltmash3r
Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:
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- Oh, the Flesh You Will Eat!: Children around the world have vomited for joy reading the rhymes of Dr. Vireuss. Three of his “sickest” stories have finally been collected into one germ-ridden volume. There’s the tale of a man who would not — could not! — let a doctor save his life, a sick boy who puts healthy people into quarantine, and a little flesh-eating virus who goes on a big adventure. This hardcover volume of Dr. Seuss spoofs is highly infectious.
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Mark Trail, 11/20/15
Good news for everyone who missed the entire plotline that led up to last week’s fisticuffs: some Homeland Security dudes showed up in a sweet hovercraft (not pictured), and now Mark and Ken are describing their adventures in detail in the breathless tones of very excited nine-year-olds.
Gasoline Alley, 11/20/15
Walt Wallet, having been refamiliarized with the identity of his descendents, is now just straight-up denigrating the sad state of modern education. In his day, everyone could rattle off the list of governors of Plymouth Colony before their eighth birthday! And what’s this garbage? A turkey? Everyone knows there were no turkeys at the first Thanksgiving! The cries of “Quiet!” and “Hush!” will just get more and more ineffectual as Walt finds his cantankerous groove.
OK, Momma, I know Room has won critical and commercial acclaim with this premise, but I think you need a little more nuance and character development and a lot less overt Oedipal horror to really make it work.
Apartment 3-G, 11/20/15
GREAT, MARGO’S NOT MARRYING GREG OR ERIC AT THE END OF APARTMENT 3-G, WE’VE GOT LIKE THREE DAYS LEFT, LET’S HURRY UP AND FIND OUT WHO LU ANN AND TOMMIE AREN’T GOING TO MARRY