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Let’s ignore the fact that Hagar is a literal prophet

Beetle Bailey, 6/25/16

You can have your “Miss Buxley Wednesdays”; for my money, the best day in Beetle Bailey is “The Halftracks’ marriage is an awful hellpit of despair Saturdays.” I love the way she goes bug-eyed in panel one, as if thinking “we talked about this, we decided this years ago, why on earth would you bring this up now?” Then in panel two her face goes all hard with anger as he melodramatically bites his lower lip. Pure gold, I tell ya!

Hagar the Horrible, 6/25/16

Oh, man, this started off as my favorite kind of Hagar the Horrible, one about the Hagarverse’s Scandinavia’s transition from a pagan culture with more human-scaled gods to Christianity. How is Hagar supposed to show his affection for an omnipresent but invisible deity, one he can’t even visualize? But then it takes a dramatic turn. “No, Helga, you don’t understand! I was fucking God!

Metapost: Right to the point COTW

Hi kids! Let’s get right to the point with this week’s top comment!

“You’re a plugger if you’re a chicken and your grandson is a bear, and you’re hoping the details of your last blood workup will even start to explain how the hell that’s possible.” –BigTed

And the runners up! Very funny!

This time the reason I’m being bullied is so off! Usually, bullies make excellent points about why I’m a loser! I listen to what they say and I think, ‘Yeah, no arguing with that.’” –Doug Wykstra

“Aww, Leroy Lockhorn sounds just like my dad! Now I’m going to go douse my phone with gasoline and light it on fire so I’m not tempted to call him. Happy Father’s Day!” –a.

“Yeah, it seems as if Dawn and Mary are exercising terribly bad judgment about faculty-student relationships and about bullying, but you’ve got to remember that this conversation has already dragged out so long that they’re probably starting in on their fourth pitcher of gin.” –seismic-2

“The only reason I can think of for Mary to be startled by Wilbur’s appearance at her door is that it’s not the door to her apartment. Wilbur’s just been hiding in a closet for the past 12 hours.” –Peanut Gallery

“I realize that the uniforms in Beetle Bailey are drawn slightly differently as a way to indicate different ranks but … shouldn’t they all be the same color, at least? The impression I’m getting from today’s strip is that the three privates all switched sides and have taken Sarge prisoner, and that look of grim determination on Plato’s face tells me Sarge’s hike isn’t going to end at a POW camp.” –Brad

“Hi and Thirsty walk through an artificial town, where images of people are taped up to windows to disguise the emptiness inside. Are they in the Twilight Zone? Or are they in the Nevada Test Range, in Doomtown, a fake town built to examine the effect of nuclear weapons? Oh, please let it be the latter.” –Voshkod

“I’m pretty sure anyone who met Mr. Dithers would have a hard time thinking about anything other than how short his legs are in proportion to literally every other part of him. Any thoughts he picked up on would just be variations on Don’t stare don’t stare don’t stare don’t stare” –Dan

“If Dolly survives not only the booby traps, but the rolling boulder released when she lifted the bowl of pudding, the Jovitos will worship her and her giant head like a goddess.” –Kevin on earth

RMMD: “The transition from being a strip about a compassionate medical practitioner addressing real medical issues to being about a mobbed-up six-year-old and her amazing ability to make adults do her bidding was long and eventful compared to this rapid shift to being a comic where doughy middle-aged douchebags stand around wanking themselves off over comic books.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

Do you believe in heaven? Or do you believe that, ultimately, we exist in a vast, uncaring universe in which we are born, live, and die with little purpose other than to become one with the dust on a tiny speck of a planet floating in lonely space? Because either way, I’m okay with permanently eliminating you as competition for our parents’ affection.” –Lois Kobb, on Facebook

“And another thing pluggers don’t understand: Metaphors.” –Liam

“Whoa, followed by famed Indonesian film director Justapawni Nabigworld!” –A$MR Rocky, on Twitter

‘It will make international news!’ I guess putting aged workers in storage bins welded together probably without air-conditioning would be the lead in World Rich Bastard Weekly.” –maltmash3r

“The Six Chix Bechdel test: a) two nameless women b) who talk at each other c) about anything that isn’t remotely logical or sane.” –Irrischano

Also, Effluvius Erratus’s take on recent sad events in Gil Thorp is super great though a bit long for here. But you should go check it out!

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

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Vowel disharmony

Six Chix, 6/24/16

It’s very sad seeing this grim future environmental dystopia whose inhabitants consider a scattering of trees in an open field to be a “forest.” This comic serves as a warning that merely “liking” activist posts on Facebook does not bring about meaningful political change.

Marvin, 6/24/16

DemonCat is a regular poster in the comments section of this very blog, and a little Googling has shown that all of these are the usernames of regular commenters on King Features’ official Comics Kingdom site, which is where Marvin is hosted. So, congrats, DemonCat and everyone else! You got a shout-out from Marvin! May God have mercy on your souls.

Judge Parker, 6/24/16

Wow, maybe the Parker-Drivers are more business savvy then I thought? They know that modern affluent consumers aren’t looking for mere products; they want stories and experiences, which means that they’ll buy Neddy’s amateurishly designed clothes because it makes them feel connected to the celebrities they idolize and vaguely patriotic for buying something Made in the USA! They’ll buy them at least once or twice, anyway, long enough for Neddy to book enough revenue to make the company attractive to some international conglomerate that’ll move the whole operation to Bangladesh.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/24/16

Wait, did Mopey Pete just say “may-soan” or “may-son-ee”? This is going to be bothering me for days.