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Metapost: MILFORD FOOTBALL RULES

Sometimes readers send me things in the mail! These things are always AMAZING, but often impractical. But! Last week I got what was definitely the most practical and still amazing thing from a reader yet! The crazed Gil Thorp obsessives over at the This Week In Milford blog made a t-shirt commemorating the Mudlark championship season, and one arrived in my mailbox without a note of any kind!

On the back they even have scores for all the games we saw this season. It’s quite impressive, and it arrived to me in the form of a workout shirt, and I literally need more workout shirts, and while my brain never formulated the exact sentence “I wish someone would send me a workout shirt in the mail without me paying for it or even asking for it and also it should have a funny Gil Thorp in-joke,” but this was exactly what I wanted! It’s not clear to me if you can still buy these shirts, but if so, you should buy one! And thank you, mysterious stranger who sent one to me!

Hopefully Dick will stop by Crankshaft’s grave, to spit on it

Dick Tracy and Funky Winkerbean, 1/19/15

Welp, I had heard about this before, but had sort of blocked it out because I didn’t want to believe it was true, but here it is, something that’s really happening, in the real world and not one of my terrible fever dreams: a Dick Tracy-Funky Winkerbean crossover. You wouldn’t think these two strips would have much in common, what with Funky Winkerbean being mostly focused on a thin crust of puns and smirking atop an infinitely deep well of misery, and Dick Tracy being dedicated to a rigid and violent code of implacable justice along with, since the strip’s reboot a few years ago, endless and baffling nostalgia for the strip’s past and comics/pop culture history in general. But today the overlap in the Venn diagram becomes apparent, and it’s historic comic books. (This particular set was recovered at the end of another crossover plot involving The Jumbler, a puzzle-focused villain who taunted Dick with vaguely sexual vlogs and was eventually defeated with the help of actual Jumble artist/faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader Jeff Knurek.)

Anyway, I like panel one of Dick Tracy, where Les and Funky’s smug, punchable faces are displayed on retro-futuristic screens, because for a brief moment I though their heads had been impaled on a giant pike. Dick and Sam are clearly heading to Westview hoping to meet its two most nefarious characters, so they’re probably going to be pretty depressed at being stuck with Crazy Harry and Comic Book John.

Gil Thorp, 1/19/15

Despite teasing us with promises of Marty Moon, the Gil Thorp basketball season storyline has mostly been about the poindexter at left here, the basketball manager who years to someday be a coach and also seems to be vaguely on the autistic spectrum somewhere. Anyway, I was totally on board when his shtick was all about improving players’ skills and irritating Coaches Gil and Kaz, but now he’s branching out to blathering at innocent teens about their #brand, so he must be stopped at all costs.

Momma, 1/19/15

The setup for this joke is clunky and terrible — would any human ever make the abrupt shift in pronoun references necessary to make it work? — but I sincerely appreciate Francis’s exaggerated reaction, as he appears to not just be doing a spit-take but actually bobbling his beverage to comic effect. Also, do you think that’s supposed to be beer? Do you think that Francis is just hanging around his mother’s house while she chats with her friend, getting slightly buzzed and not talking to them even though he’s only sitting about 18 inches away? I hope so!

Phantom, 1/19/15

Meanwhile, in Bangalla, the amnesiac Phantom continues to send all ladies who lay eyes on him into an involuntary lust-frenzy. Is sexual arousal truly nature’s anesthetic? Guess our climber gal is going to find out!

This is an actual Sophocles quote for once, guys

Mary Worth, 1/18/15

I am profoundly happy that today’s Mary Worth features a visual trope from Friday’s strip that I neglected to comment on: potato peeling. Today, this kitchen chore dovetails nicely with her inner monologue, which is even more gravid with self-regard than usual. “Some found Hanna dowdy … quiet … difficult … covered with a thick, unattractive peel. But I sliced away at that outer layer and revealed the attractive, delicious person inside, just waiting for the right man to love her. Me! I did this. God, are these potatoes fuckable or what?”

Panels from Dennis the Menace, 1/18/15

Is there any more menacing quality than a total and unapologetic lack of self-awareness?