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I’m late to this party — but maybe a few final panels will help us put the Sunday funnies to bed.

For Better or For Worse, 6/29/2008

For Better or For Worse grinds its way toward another promised finish-line, creaking like a Ptolemaic orrery. Sure, we don’t like ’em now, but weren’t those kids just adorable back in the day?

Apartment 3-G, 06/29/2008

Hey, Margo remembered her mom’s birthday! Well, as a footnote to closing a deal between Luann and some shady nonprofit. But aww . . . sweet!

Crankshaft, 6/29/2008

Forty years on, little Jeffy Murdoch’s relationship with his mother hasn’t progressed a bit.

Mary Worth, 6/29/2008

Stay tuned for another exciting week of “Mary screens her calls.”

— Uncle Lumpy

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Puzzles, kids’ features, horoscopes and bridge columns (I’m lookin’ at you, Omar Sharif!) too often fly under the radar of the comics snarking community, and spread their poison to impressionable readers with impunity. But when a feature oversteps the boundaries of tolerance and simple decency — well, the time has come for responsible citizens to act.

I speak, of course, of The Jumble.

The Jumble, 6/26/2008, 6/27/2008, 6/11/2008, 6/28/2008

Why The Jumble? And why now? The case is clear:

Unspeakable filth — I don’t care who Gwoin is, or how gluid she may be. The brazen tart should keep her noppil to herself, and stop moonik those poor birds. Oh, and Douot? Your fluent Bulgarian doesn’t confuse us: “Tosop stegak bronca” means “Flip a coin and ride her like a wild horse” in any language!

Reactionary gender politics — Think you can force indebted Japanese women to wear an “Owing guild poplin kimono”? Or steal their guns while you burn their forest enclave in a surprise “Aglow bower forced disarm”? Think again, pal!

Mixed messages — “Good stock” may play on Wall Street, but here on Main Street we get mad when somebody wants “To sock God.” So “Go to docks” — and we’ll be waiting for ya, buddy! And don’t think we can’t see that “Blank joint, grubby cougar” is a direct insult to the comfortable lodgings of our beloved Mary Worth.

Hocke your ungle, rothax unnoib! Let poise queue your varied byword! Frankly, you’re nothing to look at.

Should the race always be to the swift, or The Jumble to the quick-witted? The time has come to raise our voices as one, and cry “No”!

PS. The Lumpies are traveling today — Sunday comics this evening!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Luann, 6/28/2008

We readers get to see TJ “Jheri” Rictus lookin’ forlorn every six months or so. It helps us tamp back the rage. But merciful heavens, one panel is not enough. Not nearly enough.

Dick Tracy, 06/28/2008

Dick’s been congratulating his own clever self on his 1337 crimefightin’ skillz for a couple weeks now, only to be undone by the night janitor. Is that why he’s moping in a mere “squad room” today, instead of his jaunty “squad pod”?

9 Chickweed Lane, 6/28/2008

Okay, um, Seth neglected Mark while scolding Edda for breaking up with Amos, so Mark, hurt, hinted darkly at infidelity, creating a rift Janice now tries to exploit. Mark values revenge against Seth, whom he loves, but protects the integrity, which she lacks, of Janice, whom he spurns. These people are unclear on concepts like “love”, “revenge”, and — most of all — “gay.” On the other hand, they have “middle school” nailed.

Apartment 3-G, 6/28/2008

Ah. The perfect trio to discover Alan in narcotic déshabillé back at the gallery — Margo for rage, Jack for muscle, and Gabriella for histrionics. Madre de Dios, we’re in for a good time next week! But first — cake!

Judge Parker, 06/28/2008

The second in our series: Who does Judge Parker think he is — Michael Patterson?

— Uncle Lumpy