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Curtis, 7/8/18

On hot summer days long, long ago, Grandma Lumpy would drop a carload of us kids off at a city pool pretty much like this one for an afternoon of swimming and horseplay. I don’t know if parents still do that; I hope so — I’m sure they could use a break from Kids Today, and kids can learn a lot from being lightly supervised among strangers.

What Curtis learns from these outings is:

Judge Parker, 7/8/18

By the time you need Sam’s help, it’s waaay too late — unless you need help constructing an elaborate crazy person conspiracy board. Unfortunately, there’s not enough yarn in Cavelton to connect the dots strewn across this strip. But the broad outlines are clear.

We have reached the final Carnage of the Clans, in which the Parker and Spencer dynasties — having defeated all lesser rivals — face off in battle. The Parkers, blackmailed into alliance with Norton and April, ally with CIA renegades to pick off Spencer fellow-travelers like Godiva, one by one. The Spencers consolidate their far-flung resources, and work with the legit CIA through local liaison Jim Yelich to frame and shame the Parker alliance. It ends in the smoking ruins of Spencer Farms as Abbey and Katherine — bloodied and screeching — claw one another for possession of some meaningless trinket.

In his distant lair, Rocky bides his time.

Slylock Fox (panel), 7/8/18

No, the call is coming from inside the theater, during the movie! Kill him, Slylock — kill him dead!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 7/7/18

“Hello, boys and girls, and welcome to World of Animals. I’m your host Terrapene carolina yucatana; call me Carl. Looks like Mark and Rusty will be tied up for a while, so let’s take this time to explore Nature Facts from the wonderful World of Animals!”

Mutts, 7/7/18

“Did you know that a possum will eat a waffle if one is available? I mean, they’re marsupials, but they’re not stupid!“

Pluggers, 7/7/18

“Did you know that, like turtles, many birds have excellent color vision? It’s true! In the 1950’s scientist George Wald isolated the visual pigment iodopsin by surgically removing the eyes from thousands of chicken heads obtained from a Massachusetts slaughterh … what? Oh, sorry.”

“All right then, kids, let’s check in with everybody’s Favorite Furry Fascist, Slylock Fox!”

Slylock Fox, 7/7/18

“Wait a minute, something’s wrong here. Skateboarding is strictly prohibited on public sidewalks, for the protection of slower-moving species! And I don’t see a tax stamp on those sugary drinks! Finally, are those plastic straws? These skaters belong in jail, and I’d say a certain mammal isn’t doing his job!”

Sherman’s Lagoon, 7/7/18

“Now it’s time for our special segment, Animals and Technology. Bandwidth capacity is increasing without limit, so unless something is done quickly the entire Internet will soon fill up completely with cats! Do your part to avert catastrophe, by viewing adorable turtle videos instead. Thank you!”

Red and Rover, 7/7/18

“Well, that’s all we have time for today. Tune in again next time, and thank you for being kind to animals!”

— Turtle Carl, for Uncle Lumpy

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Blondie, 7/6/18

Blondie and Dagwood are such experienced kissers they can carry on entire conversations with their lips locked.

Heathcliff, 7/6/18

The chicken’s involved, the pig’s committed, and the cat’s a fan.

Luann, 7/6/18

The middle-schoolers of Luann now dress as adults but carry on the same rituals, including playground weddings.

Family Circus, 7/6/18

A “typical Philadelphia” street food cart. Later this trip, they’ll take in a Broadway Street play.

Zits, 7/6/18

Psst, Walt — ask for the dollar in quarters; you’ll be half a buck ahead and no bending.

— Uncle Lumpy